"You Put WHAT in Your Coffee?"
"Andria, what's that in your coffee?"
This question is either accompanied by a look of disbelief, or complete confusion. Sometimes both.
I recently became aware of a coffee trend that is slowly gaining traction in the land of the health nuts. You may or may not have heard of "bulletproof coffee," which is hot coffee blended with MCT oil and unsalted grass-fed butter.
The first time I tried it, I was not sold. I don't know if I just didn't put enough butter in or what, but it was very strange to me. Likely it's because I usually prefer my coffee tall, dark, and handsome. This ultra-fatty, frou-frou brew took a lot of getting used to, but the second time I tried it, I was hooked.
For the record, I blame my mother for this. But it's a good kind of blame.
The Components, and How They Work Together for Your Body
Grass-fed Butter and MCT Oil
Contrary to what we've all been spoon-fed by the FDA, your body needs a good deal of fat to properly process energy. Our hunter-gatherer ancestors survived on very little grains, some protein, and a LOT of fats. Basically, turn the American food pyramid upside down and you'll get the right proportions. Instead of eating tons of grains, which are meant for animals with four stomachs, we are supposed to consume 10% carbohydrates, 20% protein, and 70% healthy fats for the optimum energy burn, weight control, and overall well-being. Grass-fed butter in your morning coffee can help you start your day with the energy you need.
Now, before you tell me how gross that sounds, just remember that butter is made of cream, and we put plenty of that in our coffee. Salted or unsalted is completely up to you, but I prefer mine salted. I happen to like Kerrygold's Grass-fed Butter because it's not expensive and also widely available in my area.
Because butter is a short and medium-chain triglyceride fat, which means that it burns slowly like high-quality coal. Slow, sustained energy keeps you from crashing later in the day. Combined with MCT oil (refined coconut oil that is liquid at room temperature), you'll find that your energy is high and your appetite shrinks, meaning that you're less likely to overeat at mealtime. Carbohydrate-rich meals, yes, even the "healthier" ones like steel-cut oatmeal, brown rice, and quinoa, burn quickly, but leave you crashing. A murderous appetite soon follows, and soon you'll be tearing apart your kitchen, looking for anything to stop those raging hunger pains. It's like throwing hay in the stove. (Thank you, Mom, for the coal and hay analogy!)
BULLETPROOF® COFFEE RECIPE
Recipe by Dave Asprey, bulletproofexec.com
How it Tastes, and How I Make Mine:
I actually prefer my "bulletproof coffee" in layers. I've tried it blended before, and though my mother swears that "blending takes it to a whole new level," I have a soft spot for that buttery layer on top. To me, this coffee is like a fancy coffeehouse drink. I have always been a breakfast eater, but this coffee has completely eliminated my need for food (read: CARBS!) in the morning. Believe it or not, it keeps me going for at least four hours, and I no longer get hit with those horrible mid-morning hunger pains like I used to. I can now take a later lunch, eat less at that time, and keep my weight down.
I doubt I'll be running any 10K marathons soon, but at least I've found a way to stave off those hunger pains. If you're a person with a naturally large appetite, this could be one of the fundamentals you need to drop those extra pounds, think more clearly, and shine like the sun at your job. Until next time!
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What Lies in Mount Fuji’s Shadow: Aokigahara, the “Suicide Forest” of Japan
Disclaimer
If you, or anyone else you know is contemplating suicide, please click the link at the bottom of this post to find your local suicide hotline number in your area. No one wants you to die. There are those who are willing to talk to you and give you the strength to keep going. A reason to live can be as close as a text message or just one prayer away. You only get one life, and it’s worth saving.
Aokigahara is a place of both death and beauty. The name means “The Sea of Trees.” It has stood for a thousand years, a twisted, tangled jungle where few wild animals, but many tenacious spiders, make their homes. Located near the base of Mount Fuji on the island of Honshu in Japan, Aokigahara lies just northwest of the mountain and covers 13.51 square miles. Sound small? You haven’t ventured inside…
If you do, don’t leave the path.
According to legend, people centuries ago were taken to the forest and left to die during times of famine. A place so filled with death eventually became known as the Suicide Forest. Japan has the eighteenth highest rate of suicide in the world as of 2018, which means about 30,000 people take their lives there per year. Though the most common cause is likely a lack of mental health services in Japan, there is also the fact that they do not like to make their personal problems known, preferring to keep their feelings private. They also see suicide differently than those in the West. In Japanese culture, suicide has been seen as an honorable way to die for hundreds, if not thousands of years.
The main trail, popular for tourists, is marked by guideposts to help you leave safely, as well as signs that discourage you from ending your life. But for those who choose to stray from the path, leaving can be difficult, if not impossible. In the seemingly endless and silent forest, it is easy to lose one’s way. If getting lost off the trail is not frightening enough, there is also the chance that you will encounter a person who was once alive, forgotten and alone.
It is estimated that the remains of at least a hundred people are removed from the forest every year by police and others who are charged with the sad task of finding the bodies in various states of decomposition. Japanese authorities no longer publicize the numbers in hope that this will decrease the appeal of taking one’s life in a famous place.
The forest bears many signs of human presence. Traces of nooses can often be found off the path, with strips of plastic ribbon leading the way. The ribbons, which have become a sort of trademark of Aokigahara, are tied to the trees by suicide victims (before they died) to act as a breadcrumb trail to find their way out if they choose to live. They also serve as pathways to the dead by those who remove them.
Most of the dead have become so by hanging. Others take their life by overdosing on drugs or by cutting their wrists open. No matter how these people created their sad and lonely ends, their remains are at the mercy of Mother Nature until they are found, if they are ever found at all. The ashes of those lucky to be found are slowly running out of space in the buildings that house the unidentified dead, waiting to be claimed by their families.
The Japanese believe that the forest is haunted by none other than the ghosts of those who have died here. They claim to hear wails of lament, growls, and cries, especially at night.
Aside from the most obvious danger of losing your way, Aokigohara is filled with hidden dangers. The ground itself is rocky and uneven, being composed of volcanic rock that can’t be dug into, and the magnetic properties of it make cell phone service difficult to sustain. One false step can result in an injured ankle or a broken arm. Then there are the spiders. These creatures, though small, routinely build webs large enough to block the pathway. Tourists are advised not to venture in the forest after the sun sets. If you choose to do so, beware of not bringing enough batteries.
The forest monitors have made good progress in talking would-be victims out of making the wrong choice. Suicide hotline numbers posted on signs throughout the forest are often utilized by those who need them, proving very effective in lowering the numbers of those who take their lives, saving about twenty people per year.
Other people of a more creative nature try in their own way to convince those who wish to die to change their mind. Kyochi Watanabe, Ice Cave manager and a musician who lives and works near the infamous forest, plays his guitar and sings outside every night. He says that, “When I sing or play music, sometimes people who are in the forest change their minds and walk out. I thought if I would continue to play music here, people would stop killing themselves.”----from the documentary “Undercover Asia: Saving the Suicide Forest.” Link below.
One of the saddest things about depression is that many people are good at hiding it. They go through life pretending that everything is fine, yet underneath their smile is a dam of tears waiting to burst. What we all need to learn is how to recognize the telltale signs that are not quite as obvious as being “out of sorts.”
I’ve linked a few articles here if you want to check out the not-so-obvious signs of depression:
https://www.romper.com/p/13-little-habits-that-could-be-signs-of-depression-because-the-condition-is-subtle-58810
https://weather.com/health/news/19-signs-youre-depressed-and-dont-know-it-20140116
https://drmargaretrutherford.com/the-ten-characteristics-of-perfectly-hidden-depression/
If you suspect you have some of these characteristics of depression, PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE AND GET HELP. If you know someone who is depressed, be there for them. Cheer them up. Share a joke (but not at their expense). Make them a batch of cookies as a surprise. Ask them out for coffee with friends. Invite them to church. Bottom line? They need to know they matter, that someone cares. It can make the difference between them choosing to die or choosing to live.
Help them choose life.
Video--à Undercover Asia: Saving the Suicide Forest
https://vimeo.com/91924514
International Suicide Hotlines:
http://suicideprevention.wikia.com/wiki/International_Suicide_Prevention_Directoryhttps://drmargaretrutherford.com/the-ten-characteristics-of-perfectly-hidden-depression/Love to #hashtag?
Adventures of the Book Dragon: What My Library Currently Looks Like
My mother swears that I was born with a book in each hand, and probably one in my mouth as well since I lacked a third arm. I discovered books even before I could walk, which is likely the reason I spoke at least a year before learning to walk. Fast-forward 35 years, and I now have enough books to create a fire hazard any arsonist would be proud of. My old friend and fellow author Deborah Glaefke Gilbert once said of her enormous book collection, "If books could breathe, we'd suffocate." I'm not running out of oxygen yet, but I am starting to run out of wall space in my attic office. Don't believe me? Check it out:
Not surprisingly, as an author, I have a whole forest full of books. It wasn't until I was unpacking them all from my recent move that I discovered that quite a significant percentage of said books are, shall we say, NBRs? In Andria-speak, that means Never Been Read. I suppose it could also mean No Brain Reactions, but we'll stick to the current topic. My point is, to save on both space and prevent a possible divorce, I really need to "read 'em and weed 'em." My plan for this year (and possibly the next) is to read every NBR book I own, decide which ones are worth keeping, and which ones need to be donated, sold, or burned. What kind of can of worms have I just opened? Oh wait------that would be bookworms. Nonetheless, I have plans for some serious reading time this year (and possibly the next).
How many books do YOU have that are classified as NBRs? As for me, my estimate is well over a hundred, because a hundred is what I stopped the count at. Yes, I just counted a hundred books in my library that have never been read, or even started. Ho. Ly. Crap. And I blame it all on the library book sales and possibly my mother. About two times a year, I walk into the unsuspecting public library and come out with forty books for under forty bucks. Somehow, I never remember to pay my library fees, yet the library still manages to suck money out of me with those oh-so-tempting book sales that promise incredible mental getaways for fifty cents. I must have more books. There is no such thing as too many books. I am the book dragon, and my brain cells are on fire.
Though my thirst for more books is unquenchable (and deplorable since I haven't yet replaced my broken bookshelves that fell apart due to cheap construction and one frustrated husband who had to move them), I have learned to become a bit more choosy with book selection. I only buy a book if I really, really want to read it. I used to just buy them for the pretty covers, which is sort of how I buy my wine. Admit it-----you've done it too!
10 Reasons it's Better to Watch Motor Racing at Home
I think I have at last found a sport I hate more than football. Motor Racing. And I wouldn't even consider racing a sport. It doesn't involve running, shooting, dribbling, throwing, passing balls, or swinging sticks to hit them with. If racing is a sport, than so is knitting. At least that one involves balls and sticks.
I mean, if motor racing is a sport, then why hasn't it been in the Olympics since 1900? Now that we've established that racing is in fact, not a sport according to my classifications (read: after-fact-checking-that-verifies-that-it-does-involve-extreme-physical-exertion-yet-I-still-don't-care), I can tell you why I think it's a big, expensive waste of time to see it in person vs. seeing it on television.
WHY IT'S BETTER ON TELEVISION
1. You don't have to drive halfway across the country to see the big event. All you have to do is turn on your television, press a few buttons, crack open a beer, and if you're feeling adventurous, whip up a pot of chili. No gas money down the drain, no highway tolls, and no traffic--------just you, your buddies, and your poison of choice.
2. You don't have to pay for parking or spend an hour walking in the hot sun just to get to the track itself. We parked in row "N," had to walk all the way to row "A," then walk the same distance back to even get to the track entrance upon arrival. After hiking up to our seats, we then had to repeat the experience in order to leave the place. This problem could have easily been avoided if there were tunnels or walkways where you could cut through, instead of having to walk around the entire track to get where you needed to go.
3. You don't have to sell your children to pay for the food you'll eat. We paid three dollars for every bottle of water we swigged down yesterday at the race track. With it being hot and sunny, you can imagine how much we went through. For three people, we spent thirty bucks on lunch consisting of one food item each (which did not fill us up) and three bottles of water. Later on, we spent another eighteen bucks on water, one ice cream, and a small mango smoothie. We blew about seventy bucks on food, which left us nothing to use on souvenirs. Not that we were about to pay 26 dollars for a baseball hat that was made in China anyway.
4. Better bathroom facilities. You would think that under the following true conditions...
-the race track is raking in more gold than Scrooge McDuck in his money pit.
-the races have been held there for over FORTY years.
-bad smells tend to grow worse in the summer heat.
-Andria Redlin was going to be dragged to said track against her will (and better judgement).
...that we ought to have better places to pee than porta-pottys by now. It's 2018, people. Gone are the days when we in America must aim for a smelly hole in the ground. Even the local fairground has real bathrooms, bathrooms that don't shake when you enter them, have the required elements of hand washing, and don't have brown stains smeared on the insides of the doors. I'm literally starting to get queasy as I write this. Trust me, you are better off at home.
5. You don't get burnt to cinders by the sun.
I don't care how much sunscreen you bathe in. You will miss a spot. This spot will turn shades of red you didn't know existed, burn like hot pepper juice for a few days, then peel like a snake skin, leaving you with a brown outline that will probably take a year to go away, depending on how bad the damage was. Oh and by the way, I just read that sunscreen causes skin cancer. Enjoy your summer.
https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/causes-of-skin-cancer/
6. Commercials actually come in handy. Whether you need to stretch your legs, eat, pee, or refill your beer mug, you can do it all without missing any of the action on television. Unless you like being bombarded by ads of course.
7. You can avoid the crowds. At home, there are no bathroom lines, no super-tall people blocking your view, and no chance of getting lost (unless you live in a McMansion). You also don't have to deal with screaming drunk people that like to take their clothes off, unless you look into a mirror. Sorry-----I just had to do that. You never know who you'll be sitting next to at an event. This was my seatmate:
8. Risk of boredom between-races is eliminated. The business of television is to entertain, so there is always something to watch while awaiting the next race. Not being a race fan, this was a huge one for me. Two cars would race every five minutes or so, but in between that we spent our time broiling in the sun, straining our ears to hear the announcer guy. In addition to that, I was lamenting all the time I could have spent at home writing my sixth book. Truly.
9. Your seat is always a good one, and not just because it's your couch. And you didn't even have to pay extra for it. Our "poor-man's seats" were a whopping sixty bucks a ticket. At least when you watch the race at home, the cameras follow the cars as they progress down the track, give you great closeups for the race itself, driver interviews and plenty of other things to keep you occupied while waiting for the next pair of cars to come zooming down the track.
10. If racing isn't your cup of java, you can just leave the room and find something more fun to do, like cleaning the oven. Dealing with all the above-mentioned annoyances is tough enough when you're actually a fan. It's another rotten pile of garbage altogether when you're dragged to the racetrack when you didn't want to go in the first place.
The sad thing is, I wish I liked racing and other sports. I wish I could see the thrill, enjoy the event, and feel the excitement. But I can't. It's not my thing, nor will it ever be. I get about as much pleasure from sports as a man would get from a bikini wax, though without the excessive amount of pain. So why did I go? I think I was tricked.
I hope you enjoyed this article as much as I don't enjoy sports.
Work Woes
A few days ago, I was guaranteed to be left stranded at the side of the road if I didn't put some gas into my car. I prefer to do a once-a-week fill up, but occasionally I have to stop at the gas station two times in a week to get fuel, solely because by the time I reach the end of my bi-weekly pay period, I've got less than twenty bucks to my broke-as-hell name. I get paid every other Friday, and by the time the Thursday before payday comes c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g to the present, I'm turning my purse upside down on a quest for spare change, because my bank account is starving. Two maxed-out credit cards don't buy much either, but when payday is a mere 24 hours away, I'm stuck standing next to my car at the gas station for two days in a row. And I don't like that, especially on a rainy day.
Seriously folks, can we please put an end to the bi-weekly pay period? In an age where we have cars that talk, phones that fart, and touch-screen computers, can we please have our hard-earned cash more than twice a month? The every-two-weeks pay period needs to be discarded along with everything else we use that is outdated, like the five-day work week for example, which I'll get to in a moment.
I'll just go ahead and say it for you all: getting paid only twice a month stinks, especially when you're about as talented at budgeting as a teenager with her daddy's credit card. Think about this: out of 365 days in a year, only 24-26 of those are pay days, depending on where the weeks fall.
Wait, what...?
Looks like a lot less when seen from that perspective, doesn't it? I'm just appalled that in a world that moves as fast as ours does, many of us still have a pay schedule that ceased to be functional when internet use became mainstream.
If only I was talking about coffee, but it isn't that simple.
Now I come to part two of my work woe rant: the five-day work week. Yes, I know it's traditional and everything. Yes, I know it's the way things have always been done...mostly. I can understand why it existed hundreds of years ago, because manual labor was a way of life, and we didn't have factories full of machines to eliminate the long periods of time spent doing tasks that are NEVER done by hand anymore. I can even understand the five-day work week existing in the last decade before the big, bad internet. But now? With all the time-saving devices, electronics, and gadgets we have literally at our fingertips, we ought to be working less. Instead, we are working more, and I'm not just referring to working more than five days a week; our shifts are getting longer too.
With longer work weeks and shifts lasting nine hours or more, the work-life balance has shifted in the wrong direction—right off the cliff. Take into account the travel time, the time it takes to get ready for the workday, and it's no wonder that most full-timers and overtimers are always saying that they have no time for a life. How can you have time for a life when you have to go to bed less than four hours after returning home from a backbreaking workday?
Working more than 45 hours a week also has some serious health implications that most people don't even realize, which they should. Here are just a few:
-Obesity, because fitting in an hour at the gym is tough when it's you who has to go home and cook dinner. Sometimes, it's easier just to eat out, and we all know that the portions and the calorie count per meal in a restaurant is outrageous.
-Health problems related to obesity, because a healthy body is the foundation for good health. But how can you be healthy when you have so little time?
-Depression, because the thought of starting the new work week after only two days to recuperate from a hellish week at the job is enough to make you drink. Depression also leads to health issues.
-Fatigue, both mental and physical: I do not think that the two-day weekend is sufficient time to physically recover from a week full of overtime. Physically, your body spends Saturday and Sunday trying to catch up on the sleep it missed during the week. Mentally, your brain is in desperate need of some "you time," but how are you supposed to accomplish that when you're busy all weekend playing catch-up on the things you didn't have time to do during the week, such as grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, and that pile of dishes in the sink?
What do you like to do when you have spare time? Being a polymath, I have more hobbies than teeth, but that is who I am. Who are you? Please tell me in the comments below, and don't forget to subscribe to my site. Remember to take good care of yourselves, and if you know someone who could benefit from the info in this article, please share it with them. Thank you.
Putting the "Punch" in Acupuncture, Day One
Ahh...acupuncture, that weird word that conjures up images of Asian doctors with their "game faces" on, their eyes as sharp as the needles that they oh-so-gently insert into the patient's skin. The patient seems so serene, resembling a porcupine still in hibernation. Clearly, we must be missing something, Like needles are supposed to be fun for those in the know, right?
I am in the know. And it's all just a myth. All needles hurt, even the ones that are tinier than a strand of my hair. So, how did I find myself lying on a table and being completely calm about getting poked five times in each shoulder?
Let me back up.
A few days ago, I was asked by my physical therapist if I wanted to try acupuncture as part of my treatment regimen for my work-related shoulder injuries.
What the heck? I thought. I don't have to pay for it.
"Well, okay," I told her.
"I highly recommend it," said my therapist. After volunteering to be stabbed with little needles, I was beginning to think I needed a different sort of therapist.
48 hours later, my nerves were feeling rather, well, nervy. I wondered why I had agreed to such a thing. Then I stopped wondering because I figured out that it was just part of my impulsive nature. I really need to protect myself from myself, but I don't think anyone wants that job because most people won't accept humor as payment. I'd have it made if they did.
I arrived on time to the second of my twice-a-week appointments, and I felt a strange sort of calm take over, for about three and a half seconds. Then that feeling like my stomach was being sucked empty by an old Electrolux vacuum returned.
"Come on, Andria; you can handle this," I thought, trying to turn off the suction feeling. "It can't be worse than getting a shot, right?"
Have I mentioned how much I hate shots? Unless they're the kind you can drink, I'm just not interested.
I was soon led into a patient room of the physical therapy clinic, which I didn't take as a good sign, since all my appointments up to then had been in the gym area where everyone else was.
"How are you today?" asked Craig, the guy who was going to turn me into a porcupine, or so I thought.
"Greeaaaaaat," I mumbled, wondering how far the jump from the window to the ground would be.
"So," said Craig, "I hear this will be your first experience with acupuncture."
I nodded, and after having to sign a waiver that stated that I could not hold the facility accountable for a collapsed lung, we began.
Basically, acupuncture involves using tiny needles under the skin to stimulate parts of the body under the skin. Translation: Insert, dig, repeat, ouch. Strangely, as I just found out, there's no scientific evidence to prove that it works. Most believe it's placebo effect. Perhaps I should have swallowed a Tic-tac and imagined it to be Percocet, because the "light pinch" I was warned I was going to feel was more like a "medium pinch." Then, there came a weird sensation that I can hardly even describe. Tingling, with a bit of pulsation, with a mini-shot of dull pain that my entire body felt. It was tolerable, just strange.
"Needle-less" to say, I was relieved after the eighth needle was removed, and I was released from the facility. They told me that I could begin to feel pain relief in about two days, so stay tuned for "Putting the Punch in Acupuncture-Part 2."
Journals are Not Just for Writers
A journal tells your story. I, like my mother before me, have kept a diary since childhood. She was about 17 when she started. I became a scribbler a bit earlier. I was 13 when I received a black and white polka dot book with pink pages and "Sassy" on the front cover for Christmas or my birthday (can't remember which, since my birthday is four days after Christmas). Shockingly, I still have this diary in its unabashed pre-teen glory, with the cover nearly falling off.
As the years passed, a diary became the one place I could shoot off my darkest thoughts, desires and raging "hormony teenager" feelings without any negative consequences whatsoever, as well as pass English classes with grades that didn't require lying about my progress. Little did I know that I was already in a sort of self-inflicted training camp that, combined with my freakish love of books, would turn me into the crazy weirdo writer I am today. However, after over twenty years of journaling, I am convinced that the practice is not only good for writers, but for non-writers as well. Yes, that means men too! Though this post is focused mainly on the benefits that journaling can offer writers, I encourage you to read on and see what it can do for those that have taken different paths in creativity.
Why You Should Keep a Diary
It's a good way to stay in good "writing shape."
Basic sentence writing, fluidity, grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc... I am appalled by how many people in the comments sections of social media have no idea how to write a sentence I can comprehend. Even more appalling, if possible, are the grammar police who poke fun at them. This is not only unkind, but it doesn't solve the problem. What can help is reading a lot, combined with regular writing practice. Why not write about your life? Chances are, your kids will want to know more about you in years to come, and a diary might just end up being the only thing left of you when you're gone.
For writers, a journal is a great way to practice dialogue.
By challenging your brain to remember and record interesting conversations you've had with people, you will get to learn how real people actually speak. They need to talk that way in fiction, or they will sound fake.
Consider this brief excerpt from my new YA historical paranormal novel, The Ruffian Redeemer:
"Alright; here is what we are going to do," said Westley. "I am going to take you into the auditorium to seat you. No one will notice you going in; it is nearly a full house tonight. But do not leave the theater to go to the john until the picture is over, or you might get caught by the ticket man. Agreed?"
Now read the same passage, and see if you can detect the subtle changes that make it flow better:
"Alright: here's what we're gonna do," said Westley. "I'm gonna take you into the auditorium to seat you. No one'll notice you going in; it's nearly a full house tonight. But don't leave the theater to go to the john 'til the picture's over, or you might get caught by the ticket man. Agreed?"
Thank God this was the one I used in the final version of the book. Not only does it read more smoothly, but also more naturally. People, especially the younger crowd, say gonna, goin,' doin,' 'til, ya, etc. The list goes on. Think about how people speak in real life. There are many dialects spoken in every language. Learn to recognize them and portray them accurately. It will make your characters seem more real.
Journaling makes writing second nature. Read: EASIER.
No one is born knowing they can write. Well, maybe Stephen King did, but the guy's a legend among authors. The rules don't exactly apply to him. For the rest of us, regular writing helps your mind stay sharp and work out the kinks that scream, "I'm a novice writer!" In a journal, there is no judge but you. No one is there to poke fun at your spelling, poor word choices, abhorrent usage of cliches, or the way you described your mother-in-law's not-so-French-after-all French cooking. You'll be able to look back at earlier entries and think, "Wow! I've really improved." It's how we grow as writers.
Practice may not always make perfect, but you can still get killer results that won't disappear like your abs after too many beers. Good writing skills will stay with you long after your youth checks out of the bars and party rooms and into the fuzzy world of AARP and hearing aids. Good writing skills will outlast the longest battery for that hearing aid, as well as your overnight Depends® and a naked upper lip.
While we're on the subject of developing high levels of proficiency in writing...
You may be a crackshot at dialogue, but your narration may be full of holes. Or perhaps when it comes to world building you were born with blueprints in your brain, yet you struggle with filling that world with characters that don't have the personality of tomato pulp. Your diary is just the place to practice setting scenes by creating highly-detailed descriptions of events from your life, analogies, and good paragraph transitions. Honestly, what writing weakness can't be improved by journaling?
Diaries help you develop your own unique style.
After long hours of practice, the mechanics of writing good prose become second nature, allowing your thoughts to turn to style. Be honest here. How well do you really know yourself as a writer? Are you trying to emulate your favorite authors (and who could blame you?), or are you just doing what comes natural to you? I hope your answer wasn't emulation, because I have news for you: imitations suck. Trying to enjoy a substitute is like trying to pretend that fat-free yogurt is an ice cream sundae. Sure, they're both made with thickened milk and sweetener, but there is a HUGE difference in taste, color, texture, and even aroma. You don't wanna be a wannabe. It's okay to be inspired by other authors, but don't copy them.
Leave a written legacy for your kids.
Diaries serve as raw, firsthand accounts of your life and the era you wrote them in, without media censure, sanitizing, or fluff. Everything there is present in all of its disgustingly honest glory, and you owe it to yourself to leave it as such. This was your life. Ink may fade with age, but not nearly as much as our memories. Keeping them recorded is a great way to look back years from now and remember them again, even the bad ones. Memories shape us. I've written down events, only to come back to them several years later, and it's like they happened yesterday. As forgetful as I am, I don't want all my memories to fade away with my faculties when I start wearing support hose and bifocals.
Helps clear your mind and spot unhealthy patterns in your life.
Every so often, a person just needs to vent, or they might explode, taking out their anger on unsuspecting (and undeserving) family members. Writing out your frustrations is as therapeutic as a psychologist, but without the hefty hourly fee, the gas money spent to get there, and the discomfort of telling a total stranger your most private thoughts.
A diary makes no judgement, has no time limit, and is a great tool for helping you to recognize toxicity in your life. Maybe, as you're going through what you wrote a year ago or even a few months ago, you will see mistakes you repeated over and over that led you to disaster. Or perhaps you've got a few unhealthy relationships that need to end, but maybe you never would have recognized them as toxic in the first place if you weren't recording significant events on paper. For example, maybe your best friend keeps asking you to go to places for a night out...and you're the one who ends up paying. Every time. Chuck her to the curb and give your diary a pat on the back.
If you happen to be an artist, a journal can also be another medium.
If you have the eyes of an artist, you can up the ante of a regular old sketchbook and make it more of an illustrated journal. If you craft, a you have a place to sketch out ideas for projects, or glue snippets of materials you plan to use.
Even if you're not an artist or a crafter, you can still do this:
Create a scrapbook of your life.
Journals are not just made for words, you know. I've filled mine with photos, ticket stubs, event brochures, and things you'd never even think of. Everyone loves pictures. With photos being more easy to capture than ever, now you have a place to put them.
Last but not least, journals are just cool.
Have you been to a Barnes & Noble lately? Or Target? A Medieval Fair? Craft stores? Beautiful blank books are everywhere. Even the dollar store has pretty ones to choose from. While you're at it, get yourself a special pen to go with it. I've been using fountain pens since I was about 10. Stay tuned for a post on why I love using them so much. However, if that Papermate InkJoy® gel pen with the cute little hearts on it floats your writerly boat, go for it. If you feel the urge to use a cerulean blue crayon for inspiration, do it. Just write, and remember that there are no rules, unless you’re writing books.
Things I Love About Fountain Pens
Fountain pens conjure up a lot of images: writers with inky fingers, old-time detectives taking down notes, pages of flowing script that are just begging to be read. I could go on, but I realize that I'm probably cutting into your game time, so I'll keep this brief and informative. Consider it a crash course on fountain pens for the uninitiated.
What is a Fountain Pen Anyway?
No, they don't involve fluffy feather quills like in Harry Potter. Basically, a fountain pen is the big brother of quills or metal-tipped pens that are also known as dip pens.
As the name "dip pen" implies, they must be dipped into a bottle of ink in order to write with them. The first dip pens were made of reeds, and for thousands of years, they were the standard writing tool that eventually usurped the clay cuneiform and wax tablets. While great fun at first, eventually our forefathers as early as the tenth century A.D. demanded better writing instruments than the dip pens that involved a lot of, well, dipping. They also wanted a pen with less maintenance, so they invented an amazing little thing called the fountain pen. I call them dip pens on steroids, because that's exactly what they are.
Fountain pens write much the way dip pens do, with one very big difference: the ink is inside of them, just like our modern-day pens. No double-dipping here! They have little cartridges inside of them that can be filled and re-filled with any ink color you please. In my opinion, that alone makes them enticing, but here are my top reasons why I use them.
I Grew Up with Them
As a financially-deprived child growing up in the 1980s, I often had to turn to the creative arts for entertainment. By the time the '90s rolled around, I naturally gravitated to any craft project at home or at school, particularly drawing. My fifth-grade art instructor introduced us to the fine art of calligraphy, and once I began, I refused to stop. For three years, I used what my class had practiced with, the cheap, sort-of-efficient "calligraphy markers" that screamed "Historically incorrect!" even to my eleven-year-old brain. At thirteen, I begged my mother to buy me a "real" fountain pen, as my 8th-grade English class was assigned a writing project that required their use. She did, and as I unwrapped that Shaeffer pen from its packaging, I just knew I had made a new friend, one that would serve me well as I penned my first diary, practiced the uncial hand, and transitioned to high school, where I stumped my teachers with my very unusual cursive script that looked like it had been penned centuries ago. No girly bubble-writing from this chick (I know you know what I'm talking about)!
The Cost
Once I made fountain pen a habit that bordered on obsession, I began to realize something that the "pen muggles" didn't; fountain pens save you money! The average bottle of good-quality pen ink is about $10-$15. If you have to refill your fountain pen twice a month, it might take take you six months to a year to use up that bottle. Even if you use two bottles a year, I guarantee you are still spending less on ink than you would on high-quality rollerball pens. In addition, each fountain pen refill means there is one less plastic pen entering the landfills, so they are environmentally friendly, too! We don't need any more pens floating around the ocean, or the fish will start cornering the best-seller market. Who needs that?
Marks You as a Writer
Along with the humble typewriter, fountain pens were once part of a writer's toolbox, because who wants to write the great American novel in pencil, right? Ballpoint pens weren't very mainstream until the 1950s, so your trusty fountain pen was there to help you out, possibly as a family heirloom as well as your writing tool of choice. Some notable writers use them now, including Stephen King (who owns about sixty) and Christopher Paolini.
Uses are Not Only for Writers
I bet you thought it was just the writers who had all the fun, right? Write? Oh, you're an artist? Well, here's a new-but-very-old-writing-tool for ya! You can do calligraphy, enhance your anime frames and more with a trusty fountain pen by your side. Or, click here for more ideas.
Ergonomic
I hear a lot of complaints about arthritis in the hands and wrists, and I'm sure I'll hear a lot more as our time spent with computers increases. One of the best things about fountain pens is that they require so little pressure to write with, minimizing the strain you'd feel and the force required with a traditional pen. Every ballpoint with the exception of gel-rollers make my pinky finger cramp up after extended periods of time. As my day job entails a lot of hand and wrist strain, I don't need to add to the problem by using a pen that I will eventually want to throw across the room.
Ink Stands Up to Time
If you're writing or signing a document that you want to last for ages, use a fountain pen. The ink intensity can last decades, sometimes centuries, and the thicker lines make for better visibility for those of us with bad eyes. You know how they say our sight declines with age....
Nostalgia
I greatly enjoy the connection I feel with generations of fountain pen users before me. Being absolutely bonkers about history, I can experience a small part of my life the way people of old once did. In a crazy sort of way, I feel like I'm telling them that I appreciate what they went through to make life easier for our generation. Because they went through hell; maybe not with pioneering new writing instruments, but in other ways. I'm sure I don't need to elaborate.
Improves My Handwriting and My Self-discipline
My handwriting is very temperamental. However, the beauty that my cursive acquires when using a fountain pen is akin to Cinderella's dress after her fairy-godmother sends her off to the ball. My fountain pen makes me want to write. Writers are always finding excuses to put off their writing projects, but sometimes a little thing like a favorite pen can mean the difference between a finished novel and a pile of Post-it! notes that will never be turned into a finished project.
Excellent Conversation Starters
"What kind of pen is that?"
"Holy crap! Is that a fountain pen?"
"I didn't know they still made those!"
"Can you give me a tattoo?"
Fountain pens tend to be the life of the party wherever they go. They've become so "old" that they're new again, and that puzzles people. Luckily, they have you to answer all their questions. Spread that fountain pen love. Who knows? You might just make a friend, one who might start a very successful fountain pen business and will give you special the-one-that-started-it-all discounts!
They're Just Fun, Okay?
They really are. Believe it or not, they're growing in popularity. You don't need to look further than Pinterest to see some of the coolest pens on planet Earth. Why would you want to write with a boring ballpoint pen that strains your hand and adds to the landfills, when you could be using a gorgeous pen that you will eventually develop an attachment to, like your favorite pair of jeans? For me, the choice is obvious, but we're all different. And that's okay! My Nana always says "We're all different like flowers," so what kind of flower are you? I'm the kind that shoots ink when mean people get too close!
Cleopatra's Death: Not as Glamorous as Hollywood Portrays
Mention Egypt to someone, and you can almost bet your afterlife that Cleopatra will spring into their brain faster than the Egyptian embalmer's hook can rip out the contents of a soon-to-be-mummy's skull.
Um, ouch? Thank goodness people were dead when they did this.
Cleopatra is legendary. She married two leaders of Rome, never let anyone boss her around, and ran a country, all without coffee! Maybe it was the wine. They certainly had plenty of that in ancient Egypt, but I'm willing to bet it wasn't Apothic Dark. Beverage jokes aside, Cleopatra was not only the queen of Egypt (despite not being Egyptian herself), but the queen of badassery in a time when most women in the world were considered little more than baby-making property. There's just no walking around the cactus on that one.
Most of us know that Cleopatra, as powerful as she was, began to develop an unquenchable thirst for more that what she already had. If you ask me, I would have been content to just lay back on my throne and manage Egypt like a good little queen, thanking the universe for my good fortune just to be a queen. Not our Cleopatra though. Her ultimate goal was to unite the known world under one banner. Judging by how well Egypt fared during her reign, this might not have been an entirely bad idea.
Cleopatra wanted to rule the world, which was mostly run by Rome at the time, and she attempted to make that wish come true. But the Romans weren't having it. They were running the show, and were eager to keep running it until the end of time, or at least until togas fell out of fashion. They wanted to be the only lions in their den of power. When that formidable lioness Cleopatra and her Roman husband Marc Antony expressed their desire to take what Rome had conquered, the Romans did the only thing that any other country under threat would do.
They declared war on Egypt, and they won.
Cleopatra's army, led by Marc Antony, fought hard in the Battle of Actium. But Rome was an expert on war strategies, as well as fighting hard for what they wanted, or didn't want in this case. They won the Battle of Actium, forcing Antony's legions back to Egypt, where they promptly deserted him. It's no wonder that the poor man took his own life. Exiled from his former home, forsaken by his own countrymen...all he had left was Cleopatra, Egypt, a few kids, and a short sword that must have really hurt when he stabbed himself in the gut with it. This was a man who was once part of the Second Triumvirate, meaning that he had been one-third the master of Rome and the provinces it ruled. This was a huge blow to a man of his standing, and Cleopatra's. Their doom was sealed when they made Rome their enemy. That was their fatal mistake, the one that cost them their very privileged lives.
Oops. The lesson we can learn here is: value what you have, because if you try to take more than your share, you might end up with little or nothing.
Nothing is exactly what Cleopatra ended up with. Rome conquered her, took all her possessions by right of conquest, and basically reduced her status to little more than a slave. However, rather than submit to Roman rule, she chose to end her life with the help of a venomous reptile. If you want to know the difference between poisonous and venomous, click here. Movies and artwork have often portrayed her final moments as something beautiful and peaceful, but what actually happens to the human body once that venom enters the bloodstream?
The Bite
Aside from feeling like two very large sharp needles had entered her skin, poor Cleopatra probably felt miserable. Life as she knew it was over, and now she had actually submitted to being bitten by an Egyptian cobra, also known as an asp, a snake that most people went out of their way to avoid. She was, however, not uninformed about what would happen to her, as she had experimented with the effects of various poisons on condemned individuals, and had learned that the bite of the asp was the least painful way to go. But how painless was it?
What Happened Afterward
After the initial bite by an almost-ten-foot-long reptile with a bad attitude, Cleopatra likely experienced horrible abdominal pains, alongside the pain and swelling at the bite site. ('Bite site'------I like that.) Vomiting would have soon followed, something we'd never picture a queen doing...it's like imagining them doing a fart. Not very regal. What causes the upchucking of the last royal meal is the presence of neurotoxins (poisons that cause damage to the nervous system) in snake venom. I can just imagine Cleopatra's maidservants Charmian and Iras holding out golden bowls for her to puke into, while trying not to think about the same thing happening to them when it was their turn to get bitten, as they chose to die with their queen to keep serving her in the afterlife. You just can't buy loyalty like that.
Along with filling golden vessels with royal spew, Cleopatra would have also had just as much trouble at the business end of her digestive track, in the form of diarrhea. Um, yuck. With no indoor plumbing in those days, combined with the fact that she was walled up inside a building and surrounded by vessels o' vomit, the smell must have been beyond bad. I suppose the trouble she would have had breathing (thanks again, neurotoxins!) would have been more welcome than you'd imagine. At this point, I think I would have just skipped the whole suicide-by-snakebite thingy by now if I had been one of her maidservants, because it only got more miserable from there.
We know the queen was feeling blue, but her skin slowly started matching her mood by turning funky colors from the necrosis, or cell death, setting in. I can only imagine the mental distress this would have caused her, because she was really proud of that skin, bathing it in milk regularly to keep it softer than swan feathers. It must have been in a state of near-perfection, until the discoloration began when the area around the bite site (and maybe her limbs) slowly began to lose life, normal coloration, and feeling of sensation. Tip: If you don't want to see an extreme case of necrosis, don't click here, but this is what it looks like.
I know this is bad, but it soon became even worse for the poor queen. Internal bleeding caused by the hemotoxins in the venom caused Cleopatra's insides to slowly liquify, the bloody contents to ooze out of her mucous membranes like her nose and eyes. Rather than watching her suffer all these agonies, her servants should have put her out of her misery with a quick slash to the throat, don't you think? As her muscle fibers melted away, the release of too much potassium into her bloodstream could have easily given her a heart attack. To say nothing of how painful this must have been.
The Darkness Approaches...
Before Cleopatra's painted eyelid's closed for the last time, it was highly likely that those beautiful eyes could no longer see, as one of the effects of neurotoxin is blindness. There she was, probably laying on a chilly stone slab waiting for death, when the world around her began to fade away. The faces of her devoted servants were probably the last things she ever saw as they no doubt mopped her perspiring forehead that was also plagued by headache. It was down to time now. Waiting was the only thing any one of them could do.
Death
For all this suffering, Cleopatra's official cause of death could have been anything from a heart attack, to respiratory failure, to organ failure, or a combination of many things brought on by the toxicity of the venom. Death could have occurred almost immediately, but most people die in about 30 minutes. Even that short amount of time must have seemed like an eternity with the psychological and physiological trauma she went through.She may or may not have experienced all of the above symptoms I mentioned, but it is true that it is highly likely. Anyone who has survived a snakebite can tell you that even with treatment in the modern age, the experience is anything but elegant and peaceful. When it's my turn to leave this world, I hope it will be a lot less traumatic than Cleopatra's demise. Hopefully, yours will be too.
Sources used for this article include:
https://snake-facts.weebly.com/egyptian-cobra.html
https://www.ranker.com/list/what-being-bitten-by-a-cobra-feels-like/jacob-shelton
https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/snakebite#1
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurotoxin
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charmion_(servant_to_Cleopatra)
https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/necrosis
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snakebite
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Cleopatra
https://www.timsreptiles.co.za/uncategorized/venom-types-and-there-effects-on-humans
http://www.toxinology.com/fusebox.cfm?staticaction=snakes/ns-venmed21.htm
http://dinoanimals.com/animals/egyptian-cobra-cleopatras-snake/
How to Make Lavender Honey Ice Cream at Home
This kitchen creation was born when I went into my local ice cream shop for their Lavender Honey ice cream and found out that it wouldn't be available for six months.
"SIX MONTHS? I WON'T MAKE IT THAT LONG!" was what I wanted to scream at the nice girl behind the counter. But since I didn't want to make her cry, I ordered the darkest chocolate ice cream I could find and used it to nurse my pain.
"We need to buy an ice cream maker," I said to my husband when I got home.
"Um, okay," he said, a bit uncertain. Apparently he was remembering the last time I'd used an appliance that quickly rotated food, which had resulted in the kitchen (and me) being spattered in probably two quarts of homemade tomato soup. Also a good amount of tears, but we won't talk about that....
About a week later, we were the proud owners of an electric ice cream maker. It wasn't long before I lost the instructions (which I still haven't found) and decided that after a few good batches, I was ready for the next challenge: replicate that ice cream I didn't want to wait six months for. Remembering what I'd learned from the manual before it went into hiding, I mixed, measured, poured, cooked, stirred, and finally ended up with some purple goo that actually tasted fantastic. I wanted to share it with all of you, so here it is.
Andria's Don't-Have-to-Wait-Six-Months-for-it Home-churned Lavender Honey Ice Cream
Ingredients:
3.5 cups of milk
2.5 cups heavy whipping cream
2.5 cups half 'n' half
2 cups honey
5 beaten eggs
.75 tsp. salt
3.5 Tbsp. dried lavender flowers
2.5 tsp. vanilla extract
Purple food coloring, or use red and blue
Equipment:
2-quart ice cream maker
rock salt
Lots of ice
large fine mesh sieve for straining out lavender flowers
Instructions:
In a large pot, bring the milk, half 'n' half, cream, honey, lavender flowers, salt, and vanilla to a very weak boil over medium heat, stirring occasionally. Do not let it get bubbly-----just steamy. Once it reaches boiling point, turn heat to low and let simmer 15 minutes, stirring frequently. Meanwhile beat eggs in a large bowl and set aside.
Turn heat off and let custard cool for 15 minutes. Stir one cup of this into the beaten eggs. Gradually pour and stir egg mixture into the remaining custard inside the pot. Combine, and strain out lavender flowers through the sieve. Add the food coloring until the ice cream is the desired color.
Chill the custard in the fridge at least three hours, preferably in the canister that came with your ice cream maker. Place canister in ice cream maker, and pack the rock salt and ice around it according to ice cream maker's instructions. Churn ice cream 45 minutes to an hour, pack it into a lidded container, and freeze at least four hours. Enjoy!
A Letter to Those who Think it's Their God-given Right to Abuse, Belittle, or Mock Writers
Dear Trolls,
I felt that it was time for writers to take a stand and defend themselves against that part of humanity that enjoys tearing us down like ugly wallpaper. In other words, against you.
There are few hobbies in existence that demand more of a person's soul than writing. Writing leaves the human soul in a completely different state than when it was found. It takes the soul, runs it through a meat grinder, and tries to use a dried-up glue stick to reassemble it. We are changed forever by our writing. Sometimes we are even changed for the better, but not always. Here's one thing I can tell you that's true of every writer who has bled their way up this thorny path for years and years: There's a lot that we don't regret.
We don't regret the sleepless nights spent staying up until sunrise, eyes red as the coming dawn.
We don't regret the missed meals, unless those meals were to include wine. Most of that food was countless packages of two-minute noodles anyway.
We don't regret the parties we missed, because we were just a few chapters away from finishing our latest book and just HAD to get it done.
We don't regret our limited social life, because our imaginary friends are more real to us than the people who actually exist, and we can always create more imaginary friends if we get lonely.
We don't regret yelling at or perhaps throwing the keyboard in frustration, because we know a finished book in our hands is worth the hell.
We don't regret the amazing friendships we've cultivated with other writers like ourselves, who know exactly what kind of ship it is that we're sailing in. (Hint: it's probably full of cannon ball holes.)
Most of all, we don't regret the legacy we'll leave behind when we leave this earth.
Here's another particle truth for you. All these things we don't regret, when combined with the time and the hard work we put in, eventually lead to success.
Well, at least that's what we're aiming for. So, don't belittle us for trying to live our dreams. At least we're trying.
Sincerely,
A Writer Who’s Still Trying to Get There
Book Review: The Anniversary, by J J Winston
For a book that will reveal the perils of mental illness that you never knew about, read no further than The Anniversary, a fictional tale of loss, love, redemption, and rebirth. In J J Winston's debut novel, you'll read about Grandville and Juliette Stubbs, a couple that seems to have the perfect life, home, marriage and family. However, when bipolar disorder lurks under the surface, their world is just one ticking time-bomb away from being blown sky-high.
"What do you do when life has you in check?"----------J J Winston
This book is rather unusual, but it's the good kind of unusual. I'm not a self-help book reader, but what this book has managed to do is combine a self-help book with an intriguing story that could not only actually happen, but also trick me into learning things about mental illness sufferers that really opened my eyes to different perspectives of the diseases. As a person who deals with depression, anxiety, and an odd phobia of driving a car (especially during the Christmas season), I need all the help I can get. Sometimes though, I just hate getting it. Until I read The Anniversary.
The place where the events of The Anniversary happen is Cleveland, Ohio, and yes there are smartphones involved. I might mention that this is probably the only book I own that contains anything smartphone-related, as I'm an old-fashioned chick. In fact, I dragged my heels on getting one as much as Juliette did, but like her, I'm finally appreciating their variant uses.
What I Learned from Reading The Anniversary
"If you don't deal with your pain, it will deal with you." -J J Winston
How very true these words are. Here's an analogy for you. You are a sealed pop bottle. Inside of you is the pop. Imagine that the air bubbles in the pop are your pain. What happens when the bottle gets kicked down a hill and shaken up? Well, there are two things you can do. The first is to very gently break the seal on the bottle so the air (pain) has a chance to escape little by little and be dealt with gradually as it comes, much like a person talking out their feelings. The second choice is to keep that lid on and stay "bottled up."
What happens to that bottle once it can't take any more abuse? It explodes of course, and the pain and rage can't be controlled. You don't know what it will hit, or who it will hurt. As Grandville and Juliette sadly found out, this can often have irreversible consequences.
Despite its few flaws, the book presents a strong and well-argued message that communication is more important than any of us know. The only way to overcome a horrible event in our lives is to talk to others (preferably an experienced counselor) about them and get these problems cornered and dealt with. I hate to state the obvious, but silently suffering alone is still a form of suffering. Do yourself and your family a service and make use of the resources available to you. The Anniversary also has a companion workbook available that serves as both a supplement and a tool for helping people understand many topics related to mental illness. Winston gets bonus points from me for that!!!
J J Winston has done quite an excellent job with her first book, and I can think of no one who is better qualified to write such a work as this. She has spent more than two decades working in the behavioral health industry, working as a magistrate judge, social worker, and an attorney. This leaves me in awe, as my resume is nowhere near this impressive (cue sob).
20 Ways to Beat Depression this Spring
Winter is finally over, but the blues are still shadowing your back. The trees are still bare, the sky is still gray, and everything that was green is still brown and ugly. You're dying for the feel of the warm sun, for the scent of flowers. Life seems to be waiting for something. In addition, you've probably forgotten about all those New Year's resolutions you made. From getting fit, to trying to make time for family, the big bad R's often fall into the black hole where all the other unfulfilled resolutions go. How are they going to do you any good now? I propose a Springtime Resolution instead. It's never too late to do something positive on a regular basis to change your life. Unless of course, you're dead. Sooooo...you'd probably better start changing things now. A life with activity is often the best remedy for depression, so I've compiled a list of twenty things to try so you can kick your blues to the curb and start enjoying life again. Have a happy Spring!
1. Start an exercise routine.
Each year, the human body typically puts on seven pounds of fat (in my case it's more like the weight of a baby elephant) to prepare for winter. Apparently, it's something do to with our distant past when we lived in caves, ate rocks, and sometimes had to go days without real food. I don't know how they did it; I'm lucky if I can go a few hours without eating. But whether you can go three days or three hours, have packed on elephant weight or mosquito weight, everyone needs to be somewhat active for their health to be good. Though the thought of any sort of exercise routine can be intimidating, (especially if you'd rather be on the couch) you can aim small to start. A ten-minute walk around the block a few days a week is doable for most of us, as well as easy to fit into anyone's schedule. For strength training, a few dollars can buy you some very portable stretchy bands to tone your muscles with. If you start drop those pounds now, you'll look great for summer! Who doesn't want to look great for those summer BBQs? Plus, a workout releases endorphins, or what I call "The Happy Hormone." They pick up your mood.
2. Plan a "Welcome, Spring!" party.
Or a "Get Lost, Winter!" party. Or any party for that matter that involves your closest friends, lots of food, and a relaxed atmosphere. The main focus of this exercise is to give you something to look forward to. If you're constantly getting plans ready to carry out, it will be a lot harder for the blues to take over. Besides, it's great to look forward to good times ahead, especially if you have crazy friends like mine. And, yes, I had a spring party at the end of March, and we had a ball, as well as a few bottles of wine!
3. Volunteer your time.
Once of the best ways to forget about your own gloom is to alleviate the gloom of someone else. Wherever people live, there is no shortage of places that could use extra help. Perhaps your local homeless shelter could use a hand in the kitchen once a week. Maybe you know a disabled person who struggles with walking their dog. I challenge you to make a once-a-week commitment for one month helping someone who needs assistance. I guarantee you won't feel worse, if not better.
4. Learn a new skill, or teach a skill you know.
For example, maybe you've always wished you knew how to put the spare tire on your car in an emergency. Or, if you know how, you could teach someone younger than you who just bought their first car. We should never stop trying to learn new things (especially the stupid people of the world---------they need all the help they can get), especially if it's something we really want to learn.
5. Plan a movie night, craft night, or art night with friends.
Whatever you and your friends enjoy as a group, set aside the time to do it. Sometimes, I'm in dire need of a Lord of the Rings marathon, sometimes Harry Potter. Other times, it's paint and canvas for us, or even a game of Scrabble accompanied by lots of laughs and too much caffeine. But even if there's no group activity going on, the human company itself can help lift your mood. We often want to shut ourselves away when we feel depressed. I want to encourage you to get out there and be with people, especially the ones who build you up. But if they're the kind that tear you down, feel free to boot them out of your life with or without a steel-toed shoe.
6. Plan an all-day outing.
You've heard that the cute little historic town an hour away from you is a great place to explore. What are you waiting for? Grab your next paycheck, kidnap your friends, and take them out for a day of shopping, food, and exploration. Well, you shouldn't actually kidnap your friends, but you can always tie them up with duct tape and stuff them in the trunk if they give you a hard time about going. I have a few friends that are a bit reluctant because their husbands want to control everything they do, but I'm slowly training these women to stand up for themselves and say to those men, "Honey, I'm going out with the girls. Dinner's in the fridge. Don't wait up."
7. Join a weekly club, or start one.
Thank goodness for the internet, because anything you want to find is usually listed at the command of the right keyword. And if you can't find a club for your chosen activity, start your own. I'm actually thinking of starting one for spinners. No, not the bike spinners at the gym. I mean the spinners that can turn wool into yarn with wheels. The original spinners. I've been turning cat hair into string for as long as I can remember, but learning to spin silk was an entirely new experience.
8. Rediscover an old beloved hobby.
Too often, we let our busy lives kick our hobbies to the dumpster out back, sometimes literally. No one says you have to have many (says the woman with more hobbies than blood cells); one or two will do just fine. As long as you're passionate about something, that's all that matters. We all need to find something that brings us joy, something to help us wind down and de-stress, and I don't mean television. Find something you're truly nuts about and make the time for it.
Our passions are part of who we are. Fish are born to swim. If you were a fish that couldn't make time to swim, you wouldn't be very happy, would you? What if you were an eagle that just had its wings amputated? Depression is often worsened when we allow our potential to dry up like an old riverbed. "Eagles" often remove their own wings, so to speak. Don't let this happen! If we don't use the gifts we are given, what good are they? We might as well not have them at all. If you don't have a hobby, there are probably thousands of them out there. Do a little research. One of them is bound to catch your interest.
9. De-clutter your house and start spring cleaning.
Getting rid of your stuff can be akin to climbing Mount Everest without oxygen. You look at the piles of junk that have taken up residence in your home, and you suddenly realize one day that your home is no longer a home; it's a building that's one soda can away from needing a condemned sign on the front door. You no longer own your stuff. Your stuff has suddenly started owning you, and you don't know what the heck to do about it. You'd press the panic button if you could find it, but it's likely buried under the laundry pile that hasn't been touched in two months.
Spring is here, and you want to clean your house, but how are you going to accomplish that without clearing some space? It's like trying to decorate the Christmas tree while it's still in the too-small box it came in. My suggestion? De-clutter first, clean second. For de-cluttering, I recommend this book that has really helped my clueless butt out when it comes to owning what I have and not letting it own me: Organize Now! by Jennifer Ford Berry.
10. Redecorate one room.
Now that your house is de-cluttered and de-messed, sometimes it only takes a fresh coat of paint, a few pictures, and some updated wall sockets to make a room in your home seem new again, with relatively little money invested. An updated and cleaned environment reduces stress and evokes a feeling of calm. Chocolate also works, but the positive effects don't last as long as the new fat cells that will be clinging to your hips. So, I'd stick with decorating.
11. Enter a contest, or host one yourself.
No, I'm not talking about those stupid online poetry contests that turn out to be scams. I mean something legit. Perhaps your local gym is hosting their own version of The Biggest Loser®. If they aren't, maybe you ought to with a few friends who could benefit from a healthy lifestyle change. Or, maybe you're a writer who would like to host a short story competition for young writers at the local high school. I'm sure you get the picture. You'll definitely get one if you host a photography contest.
12. Plan a garden.
Any minute now, garden supplies will start springing up like new shoots at every big-name store you know. If you're lucky enough even to have a little yard, it's time to start thinking about planning what you want to grow. A garden is a great way to keep the kids busy, learn a new skill, and watch edible things pop out of the ground like magic. If you live in an apartment, you can grow fresh herbs to use in the kitchen. As for me, I haven't reached the planning stages yet. I'm at the point where it's time to start thinking about how much money it's going to take to get my teenage son to pull out two year's worth of weeds.
13. Plan a lunch date with someone you haven't seen in awhile.
Life gets in the way sometimes, but if you don't make time for your friends, soon you won't have any. It's okay to refuse an invitation to a party or outing if you really don't feel like going, but I'd only advise doing this if you've seen those people recently. If you haven't seen them in a year or two, you should probably go. I'm only going to say this once: If you don't make time for your friends, soon you won't have any.
14. Study a new topic.
I think we sometimes forget that learning new things can be really fun if it's presented in a way that is memorable. Learning is often fun on its own, but sometimes you might need a little encouragement to educate yourself on something you normally would not even think to look at. I recommend beginning with Youtube, which has almost become a sort of poor-man's university. You can learn anything you want there, and you'd be surprised what you'll find. Fall in love with new topics! I'm a documentary buff myself.
15. Get a job.
Perhaps you're retired and bored out of your brain from being home all the time for the first time in 30-40 years. Maybe you're a stay-at-home mom that could use a bit of extra cash. Consider getting a part-time job at a "fun" store, like a book shop, gift shop, or a craft store. Something you'll like. Sometimes, being at home all day, every day, is not always healthy. You get bored, lazy, and you'll eat like a pig because you've run out of things to clean. Get a job and get out of the house!
16. Break a bad habit, or form a new one.
Are you trying to quit smoking? Perhaps you want to learn how to better manage your time. So, what are you waiting for? Do some research, form your support group, and kick those bad habits off the cliff from whence they came!
17. Family game night
Get those kids off the electronics and back onto the board game playing field! I can't tell you how many laughs I've had just by playing Scrabble, especially when we come up with funky words that don't exist, such as dinofumes, woolyfarms, and schmear.
18. Read a book you've never read, or watch a film you've never seen.
Are you sick of everyone talking about the most popular film, when you know diddly-squat about it? Well, Netflix is just one click away. Broaden your horizons, people! A little reading never killed anyone either, unless the book shelf fell on them...
19. Eat at a restaurant you've never been to.
One cool thing I love about those apps that let you order food to your front door is that everyone in the family can get what they want to eat. You all don't have to eat at the same restaurant. My husband and son love pizza; they could eat it four times a day and not tire of it (though they will get a bad case of the farts), but I have a more diverse food palate. Sometimes, I just want a dish of palak paneer, beef shawarma, or some onigiri, but it's impossible to get my family to accompany me to the restaurants that have this food without the boys whining about "funny smells" or saying stuff like, "I hope that's beef..." Hence, the food app that I love so much has a place in my life.
20. Complete a project you've been putting off.
I once bought a kit for an embroidered silk purse that I just had to have. Year after year, I put off working on it, and I finally decided to either donate it, or stitch it. Well, I sewed it, sixteen years after buying it, and I wish I'd done it sooner. It's a great relief to finish a project that's been bugging you for ages.
We only get one life, so go out there and enjoy it!
The Lies I Believed About Parenthood
I don’t actually hate my kid. You probably won’t believe me upon reading this, but I really do love the little manchild I’ve been trying to raise for the last almost-fifteen years. It’s the raising part that I can’t stand.
Some women are born to be great mothers. They played with dolls as children, loved every minute of it, and looked forward to motherhood as they approached adulthood. They had to restrain themselves from buying hundreds of tiny adorable outfits for a newborn, even as their stretch marks were likely to grow faster than the new life just beneath their wavering surface. When their new bundle of joy arrived, they forgot about the pain of childbirth and the circles beneath their eyes that they never let mankind see in their pre-pregnancy days. The old them has died with the birth of their baby and following babies, and they don’t even seem to care, because their kids are their world.
Well, that isn’t my world.
I have never been, nor will I ever be, one of those mothers that seems to forget who they were once they’ve created a human being, nor am I the kind of mother who believes that her kid is and should always be the center of her universe. Somehow, I feel like I should be apologizing for this...shortcoming? Character flaw? Mental defect? But I can’t, and I’ve never been able to. So, why do I feel so guilty about my true feelings here?
Is it so wrong for a woman to retain her identity after having a child? When my son was born, my passions in life did not disappear with the afterbirth. Yes, I became a mother, but I still remained Andria the writer, Andria the artist, and Andria the musician. Yes, there was less time to do those things, but I relished the few hours I did get to enjoy them, which was usually after my son went to bed. I don’t think most mothers seem to realize just how much they allow themselves to be erased once they have children. Even sadder, they seem to do it without even realizing it’s happening. If they do realize it, they put their desires on the back burner because they think it’s a requirement to parenthood. Well, let me ask you this: do you ever see fathers giving up their favorite hobby once their first kid is out of the birth canal?
I don’t know if it was because pregnancy, birth and raising an ADHD child were all a complete nightmare or what, but I really feel like I’ve been tricked somehow. I also learned more than a few things as time went on. The title of 'Mom’ means a lot more than being a woman who merely procreated. 'Mom’ is a term that also means snot-catcher, butt-wiper, referee, nurse, teacher, maid, peacemaker, caregiver, and self-sacrificer. For a job that demands so much, we get paid absolutely nothing. In fact, the drain on our bank accounts is always open and clear, never requiring a plumber to unclog it.
When I was pregnant, I thought that it was a wonderful thing. I had a good husband and a few years of marriage under my much-smaller-back-then belt, so I figured that starting a family was just the natural progression of life events in a woman's existence. What I didn't figure on was that things other mothers had told me about motherhood turned out to be false, at least from the perspective of one who didn't know at the time just how small her tolerance for kids was. What follows are some of these lies.
Lie #1: “It's different when it's your own child.”
Like hell it is. For years, I was annoyed by the frolicky behavior and bothersome blabbermouthing of everyone's latest procreation result. The screaming devils would ricochet from one side of the room to the other, knocking stuff over, running into people, and generally causing a ruckus only stoppable by a tranquilizer dart.
My kid's not gonna be like that, I told myself, completely buying into the lie that my kid was going to be special. My kid was going to be different. Oh, he's special alright---special needs. He has a good hard case of ADHD with a learning disability that makes him just as “different” as the veteran mothers promised me.
Lie # 2: “No matter what, it's all worth it.”
Sorry, but after nearly fifteen years of parenting, I have yet to experience more than a few it-was-all-worth-it-moments, and right now, I can't for the life of me think of any of them. Forgive me, but I really cannot fathom how more than fifteen years of this stuff makes it "all worth it":
-struggling through pregnancy with a severe case of pre-ecclampsia that nearly took my life and my child's at his birth.
-fighting hard to hit every baby milestone. From the first word, to the first step across the room, nearly all milestones were hit with millstones round our necks, and by the time we achieved one, the sense of victory had vanished.
-trying and failing to be the stay-at-home-mom that can by some miracle produce well-adjusted children that do both chores and homework without a fight, and still have matching socks.
-raising a kid who, from the age of two, got and still gets frequent migraines that make him puke every time, usually on stuff I don't want him to puke on, like my husband, the wall, or on the new dress I was supposed to wear to my sister's wedding.
-struggling with the Teflon Brain that parents of ADHD children know all too well. We call it the Teflon Brain because it has a surface a thousand time more slippery than lubricant. It’s the best nonstick surface on the planet.
-arguing with teachers over the same stuff over and over again, because even with an IEP, your kid is still (at least statistically) the class failure.
-Having to deal with the fact that no one wants to be friends with your kid because he's “different.” As ADHD children are mentally about three years younger than their peers, it's like a kindergartener in a class of third graders. No one ever wants to play with the youngest member of the group. And that's the way it's been every year.
-being driven to the edge of all patience because even though your kid is a teenager biologically, he's still a child mentally, because of the age lag thing. Or as I put it, The Age Lag Drag. It's like parenting a fifteen-year-old five-year-old sometimes.
When every single day of your parenting existence is a chore, how can any of it be "worth it?" What am I missing here? Where are these magic moments that I've heard talk of, read about in every parenting magazine, and seen in every movie that features a kid?
Maybe this is why I'm in therapy for depression and anxiety. But I can't be the only one who feels this way.
Lie # 3: “It's how you raise 'em.”
Not always, my friends. I've known exceptionally good parents whose kids still turned out to be jerkified adults who are more ungrateful than a kid who gets clothes at Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, back when my husband and I were really broke, not just kind of broke like we are now (we're talking food-bank broke here), we managed to get enough money together to get our son his first real bicycle. Most kids, even in this technology-saturated era, would be thrilled to get a new bike. And this one was as nice and shiny as an oiled swimsuit model. Our son unwrapped it, and we held our breath, waiting for that happy cry of surprise and the hugs. Instead we got:
“It's not the right color.”
“What do you mean it's not the right color?” I snapped, horrified.
“I wanted the blue one,” he moaned, looking down at the carpet.
“Your butt's gonna be that color if you don't learn to show a bit more appreciation for what you have,” my husband said, clearly as shocked and irritated as me.
As a consequence, we returned the bike to the store, and came home without one. Our son had to wait a very long time before another came along, much to his disappointment, and this time there was no complaint.
Lie #4: “You're lucky to not be a single mother.”
Maybe a little bit, but when you're married to a guy who had no clue what fatherhood meant, count yourself a lone child-raiser in that department. For the first ten years or so of our son's life, hubby worked overtime, while I stayed home and did the cooking, cleaning, and raising of both child and excessive belly fat. Occasionally bread. By the time hubby got home, he had just enough energy left to pass out on the couch after supper and shower, if he was lucky enough to even summon the drive to bathe. In short, I was what I called a 'married single mother.’ I was also the only one who had time to cook food or clean the house. Not much fun to begin with, but it's even more of a pain when you have two guys who are slobs, as noted in the “Apartment Annoyances” chapter of my book, Life is Short, so Lick the Bowl. Ebook here.
Lie #5: “You wait---you'll want another baby.”
Because all the hell I went through above is “just so worth it,” right? I'm having such a great time juggling a full-time job and struggling with my home life, that it would be great to just make it even more difficult by throwing another kid into the mix. It's like trying to fix a bad drink. Have another kid? I'd rather set myself on fire…
Lie #6: “Motherhood is the most rewarding thing you'll ever experience.”
Motherhood, the thing I have found most rewarding? Not even close. Let's dive into the numerous things I HAVE found rewarding and fulfilling in life:
-Fixing my broken marriage and turning it into a stronger bond than it was when I took my vows.
-That moment when I finished writing my first book.
-Celebrating the days when I didn't let my anxiety and depression get the better of me.
-Volunteering at a local organization.
-Bringing home my first acoustic piano after waiting 22 years for that moment. (I'd always had digital.)
The only “reward” I can see coming my way is a reward that I can't actually see, or even name, because I've never experienced a single rewarding moment in parenting. If I have, I've forgotten it. I wish I could remember. I wish I could be the mother who adored every single thing their kid does, who knows how to keep calm in a crisis, who has the gift of being nurturing. Patience, nurturing, and endurance are three of the best essentials of parenthood. For me, it's hard to admit that I have very little of any of them. Even more difficult is the fact that society hates those mothers who admit to finding mothering not what they imagined it to be.
I knew parenting would be a challenge, but not an 18-year sentence of endless drudgery with very few bright spots. There's a difference. Perhaps things would have been different if my son had not been born with ADHD and the learning disability that has made both of our lives more difficult than they had to be. I know it wasn't anyone's fault that he is this way, and I made sure that he knows it too. I do, however, have high hopes for the future. As he has aged, our relationship has grown. We have long conversations. We kick one another's butts at Monopoly. Sometimes we even go a day without getting on each other's nerves.
Whatever happens, I'm going to keep hoping.
P.S. Don't hate me for my honesty. I know I can't be the only one out there who feels this way.
Share this article with other renegade mothers you know!
Indie Books (and a few others!) I've Chosen to Review...Did YOURS Make the List?
Hello once again! Recently, I raised the alarm on my Twitter page, calling for #indie authors to send me their book links, because I plan to review some more books for my channel on Youtube! I wanted to announce the winners to help give their books some exposure, but since there's a character limit on Twitter, I thought it would be better to do it as a blog post.
I never would have imagined just how difficult it was in choosing only 23 books from the enormous amount I had the privilege of exploring. There must have been over 150! Well done, fellow indie authors. It's been a great experience interacting with you and seeing what you write.
I have three more books to read through before beginning the ones on The Big List, which are:
The Unseen Promise
We Are Immeasurable
Secrets, Lies, & Crawfish Pies
Once these books are read and reviewed, I plan to move onto those below. Is your book on the list? Even if it's not, it doesn't mean your book is undesirable. Like everyone else, I have preferences when it comes to what I enjoy reading. I read many genres, but not all are to my taste. Besides, you want a reviewer that enjoys your genre. Your book could be the best in the entire world, but if it's not in a genre I like, it won't be a good book to me.
The Big List
The 'I' in Life
One of Windsor: the Untold Story of America's First Witch Hanging
Shards of Trust
The Curse of Time-Book 1: Bloodstone
Nancy Bo and Ergonwold's Nest
Gris Gris and Juju
Ducket & Dyer: Dicks for Hire
The Writer's Lexicon: Descriptions, Overused Words, and Taboos
The Spirit Hour-Volume 1
Father of Storms
Anthology of Scrolls: Short Stories, Poetry, and Prose
The Magicians' Card, Volume 1
First Magyk: Guardians of the Path, Book 1
Child of Humanity
When it's Over, A Novel
Antonius: Son of Rome
Emmie of Indianapolis
Follow the Dove
The Bad Seed: Battle for the Heavens
Kissing Stars Over the Rising Sun
The Greenest Branch: A Novel of Germany's First Female Physician
Elise and the Astonishing Aquanauts
Ravensrise: Volume 1
Now that you've seen the list, I hope you'll share it on your social media feed to help these authors get noticed! Congrats if you've made the cut! I can't give you an exact date of when each book will be purchased and reviewed. I do have a day job, and much of my time is spent managing my own writing career, editing my mother's first book, creating a second Youtube channel for crafters, maintaining this website, taking care of my house, working out at the gym, among other things. Each book will be reviewed in the list order you see. All authors will be notified when their review is ready, and provided with a link. If you're an indie author who is interested in having your book reviewed by me, please see my review guidelines page.
Indie Book Review of The Unseen Promise
I wanted to like this book. I really did, as it hooked me in from the very beginning. But once the main character stopped being so, well, "main," I began to lose interest. I managed to get just over halfway through before I just gave up on finishing it. It's a pity, because the book has a lot going for it.
Pros:
-Writing style was beautiful, poetic even.
-The design and interior are artistic and pleasurable to look at, the text being large and easy to read. The images at the beginning of the chapters are a nice touch. Oddly enough, this book has no page numbers.
-I loved the different races, their abilities, and their descriptions. Franklin is good at originality here.
-A lot of the problems the characters face are ones that we face in our world, so they were easy to relate to.
Cons:
-The text is in serious need of re-editing. There were a lot of grammatical errors. I don't mind a few here and there, but sometimes entire sentences just didn't make sense.
-This book has too many characters, and too many story lines woven together. After a time, I had to keep turning pages back to understand what was going on. This was the main reason I decided to not continue reading this book. There was just way too much going on, too much jumping around, and too many names to keep track of.
-The profanity, while not a personal objection, felt very out of place in this fantasy world. Reading it was like watching a medieval knight suddenly pull out a smartphone and start using it.
-One of the secondary characters, who I ironically found far more interesting than Roedanth the main character, dies a needless death for no reason at all. This was when the book really took a nosedive for me. How can a story get better when your favorite character is killed off for no reason at all?
A final note:
I think Ellen Mae Franklin has great potential as an author, but I think this story was too much for her to start with. Writing something not so epic would be a better option. A tighter plot, less characters, less jumping around, and more editing and beta reading could turn this "The Unseen Promise" into a masterpiece.
Indie Book Review of We Are Immeasurable, by B. L. McGrew
This review contains no spoilers.
I’m just going to say it right now---I don’t usually read teen fiction, kind of like the people who never eat salads or deviled eggs, or onions. It’s just not my margarita, and that’s okay. To each her own and all of that. Yes, there is a ‘but’ coming, and not the kind that farts gas. The ‘but’ I’m referring to is the fact that not only did I actually enjoy reading a book that is not my usual genre, but that We Are Immeasurable is one of the best indie books I’ve had the pleasure of reading and reviewing. That’s saying a lot, because most indie books suck.
There, I said it, and I’m an indie author too. Bite me.
We Are Immeasurable is the touching, coming-of-age story of an 18-year-old girl who wishes to go to public high school for her senior year. This sounds pretty cliche so far, right? But here’s the breath of fresh air in what would have ended up being just another high school story: Ezmerelda is blind.
High school is challenging enough when you don’t have a disability, but when you do, it can be like relearning the alphabet. Ezmerelda, who actually did have to relearn the alphabet in the form of Braille, now has to learn how to navigate an environment that does not cater to blind students. From the stares she cannot see, but sense, to the limited collection of Braille books in the library, she knows she is in for a challenge, perhaps her greatest in a short life that has already seen more than its share of hell. Even more annoying than all this is her new friend Barnaby, a boy whom she would really love to punch because of his big mouth that never closes. But if she didn’t have him, she’d have no friends at all.
I adored Ezmerelda, who prefers to be called Maizie, right from the first page. It was obvious early on that she was a strong, stubborn young woman that was determined not to let her blindness of the last five or six years ruin the joy in her life. She was tough and brave, yet feminine enough to not put people off. I can’t stand female characters that are far too confident to ever admit that they need help occasionally, or ones that act perfect at all times. Maizie was neither of these, and I found myself wishing that I could meet her face-to-face, because I think we’d be great pals.
Barnaby was an insanely likeable character. Annoyingly loveable, and funny as a comedian, he was highly entertaining to read about, especially when he was going out of his way to tease Maizie and make her mad enough to throw things at him.
B.L. McGrew has many elements in her writing that impress me more than a person who stops aging without the help of night cream. The three that stood out best for me were the characters, humor, and dialogue.
Characters: Ezmerelda, her sister Amaya, and her friend Barnaby were so well-painted in their descriptions, mannerisms and ways of speaking, that I often felt like they were right there in the room with me as I read the text.
Humor: It’s been a long time since I’ve read a book that’s been laugh-out-loud funny, but this one had me wiping my eyes and blowing my nose because my face tends to turn into a swamp when I laugh too much.
Dialogue: Beautifully written, the chemistry and humor in the interactions between characters was very enjoyable, and often highly amusing to read because of the sarcasm. As a person who can’t live without her daily dose of sarcasm, I greatly appreciated this.
The only thing I really didn’t care for about the book (though it didn’t detract from the skill with which it was written) was the fact that it was written in the present tense. I don’t know if this is just a trend in the teen book genre, but I see it a lot these days and I just don’t prefer it. McGrew wrote a great book, but I would have enjoyed it better if it was in past tense. On the other hand, the present tense passively represents and re-enforces the live-in-the-moment theme that the book pounds into you from chapter one to the epilogue, so perhaps it was done for that reason.
Tenses aside, this book is not to be missed!
Indie Book Review of Finding Pandora, Book One: World
POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD----READ WITH CAUTION.
Arriete Monroe is living peacefully in a remote village on a different planet than our own,, when her ex-boyfriend appears at her door, asking for her help in saving her best friend's life, despite the fact that the best friend ran off with the boyfriend and became engaged to him, betraying Arriete in the process. Arriete agrees to accompany her former lover because of her forgiveness toward her wayward friend. What follows is a journey fraught with betrayal, rescue, and a sort of re-birth that arms Arriete with new abilities she never had before, along with a small army of new friends that claim that she is the chosen one who will prevent an impending war. I'll begin with the positive. The story I've summarized above had a great deal of potential with its wide variety of interesting races that all have distinct powers or gifts according to what species they are, and the premise of other planets with great cities to mentally explore was intriguing. However, the potential suffered under the following flaws that were too obvious to ignore:
-As writers, we are told not to info-dump at the beginning of a book to avoid boring the reader to an early grave, but this book explained so little about its setting, people's abilities, and background that I was WISHING for some info-dumping to come my way. Various races and their abilities were mentioned, yet there was little to no description about them or the "gifts" they possessed. This book takes place on another planet, and there was not much of a picture painted of it, no image to build in my mind. The book takes place about 7000 years after our own era...why are people living in thatched-roof cottages like in the Middle Ages? Why do some of them wear old-fashioned homespun dresses, when others wear modern swimsuits and cardigan sweaters? There was a lot of potential for world-building here, but it never sprouted wings.
-Plot was very slow-moving, with action scenes few and far between. When there was any conflict, there was absolutely no buildup of suspense, no sense of urgency or me worrying about the fate of the characters involved. Also, the choppiness of the action scenes (as well as others) often made it difficult to grasp what had just happened, and I often had to turn back a page or two to see if I had missed anything. What I mean by choppy in this circumstance is that it felt like parts of the story were missing or rushed, mostly the former. The flow just wasn't there in a lot of instances, meaning that there was sometimes no smooth transition between scenes. I was often left to wonder how the characters got from one situation from another. One minute they were in a cabin, the next, by a gate. Where did that come from, and how did they get there? I began to get the feeling that everyone knew the art of Apparition from the Harry Potter Books.
-There was far too much dialogue. I felt like all the characters did was talk, talk, talk, until I just wanted them to stop because it was severely dragging down the pacing of the book. There was page after page of conversation, and what made it particularly difficult to get through was the fact that I wasn't always sure which character was talking, forcing me to backtrack and re-read parts of the dialogue.
-During the narrative (or non-dialogue parts), I found the writing style in the narrative to be completely devoid of emotion, without the author's 'voice.' if you will. There was little indication of what was going on within the characters' heads. To characters that people will care about (even villains), letting the reader know what they are thinking is essential.
-This is just my opinion, but one of the Vampires (referred to as Vampyrs. in the book is called a vegetarian by the other characters because she drinks animal, not human blood. I'm sorry, but you cannot be a vegetarian if you eat animal blood. A creative word for this deviant vampire could have easily been thought up, rendering her unusual tastes more interesting and amusingly irritating to other Vampyrs who possibly despise her for her more moral choices. Perhaps "Faunatarian," because "fauna" refers to animals?
On a final note, I really wanted to enjoy this book. As I stated above, it had loads of potential. A drastic re-write could elevate this book into the level a five-star novel, but in it's current state it is not a particularly entertaining read. I had no desire to read the sequel once I finished it. I'm stating my honest opinions here not to hurt the author's feelings, but to assist her in fixing the mistakes all writers make at the beginning of their career, and I wish to be as kind as possible in saying them. I wish her all the best in her growth as a writer.
Indie Book Review of Secrets, Lies, & Crawfish Pies
Secrets, Lies, & Crawfish Pies is the first in a cozy mystery series that feature the fortyish-year-old medical examiner Romaine Wilder, who was born and raised in the small town of Roble (pronounced ro-BLAY) in East Texas. Crawfish festivals are a huge deal here, along with everyone knowing everyone else’s business, which is probably why Romaine left in the first place. Now, the loss of her job in Chicago is bringing her back until she figures out what to do with her life.
The plot of this book hooked me in right away, and then the bait stopped coming. The blurb is interesting enough: Romaine Wilder, a big-city medical examiner, returns to the small town she grew up in until she can find another job slicing open the dead and determining their cause of death. Equally interesting is that her bossy elderly Auntie Zanne has owned, operated and lived in her own funeral home for decades. While Romaine only plans to stay with her aunt until she finds employment back in Chicago, her aunt has her heart set on her niece finding an eligible man and settling down where she can keep a watchful southern eye on things. Both agendas are somewhat thwarted when they come home to find a dead body that doesn’t appear on their list of stiffs that are sent to them for embalming. They make up their minds to solve this mystery.
The plot of this book seemed intriguing enough. Then I got my first red flag in the very first chapter when I read this clunker of a sentence:
“Anxiety simmering, embarrassment teetering, I clutched my highball glass tightly in hand, gave a tug on my mini, off-the-shoulder Tadashi Shoji blush-colored cocktail dress, and headed off on my mission.”
I don’t know if you noticed, but five adjectives were used to describe one dress. I hoped the entire book wasn’t going to be that way, or seventy-five percent of the text was going to be adjectives. But I pressed on, willing to overlook the small things in favor of a promising plot.
After a few chapters, I started to lose interest in moving forward. I just could not get into the slow pacing of this book. While the chapters were short, some of them could have been skipped entirely for all the information they gave and the events that occurred, which were few in number and devoid of excitement. There seemed to be way too much dialogue in some chapters, and not enough building up of tension. New characters were introduced, then never seen again. If they did show up again, I don’t know...I didn’t stick with the book long enough to find out.
There was only one character in the story that actually seemed three-dimensional. Unfortunately, I kept wanting to punch her because she was so annoying. Auntie Zanne, also known as Babet. Her sole function seemed to be sticking her nose everywhere it had no business being, from the murder investigation to Romaine's personal life. I was glad she wasn't MY aunt, because I would have told her off.
I must confess that I personally did not find this book to be a page-turner. After getting through 130 pages, which was roughly half of the book, I had to stop reading. This was the first cozy mystery I’ve ever read, so I don’t know if they’re all like this. Maybe they’re just not my crawfish pie, but this story didn’t do a whole lot to entertain me. In fact, I was bored. Others might not feel the same, so don’t just take my word for it. Read it yourself. In contrast, I’ve seen a lot of poorly-rated and unpopular movies that were right up my dark alley, so in the end, it’s all down to perspective.
Ten Stupid Things People Say to Writers
Yes, I get it that somewhere along that inky, writerly line, you’ve probably read a list like this, or watched a video on the topic via Youtube. And look...here’s one more. Indulge me. I am one irritated writer right now, and irritated writers often spew out funny things, along with vomit from drinking too much. This time, I promise it’s only words. Maybe. Oh look…wine!
1. "But there's no money in writing!"
Tell that to Stephen King, JK Rowling, Danielle Steele, and my late author friend who once earned enough to pay off her house in one shot. I suppose they’ll be joining the rest of us starving authors at the food bank once a month, right? Yeah, I know that most authors don’t earn millions, but maybe I don’t want to earn millions. Maybe I just want to earn enough to quit that day job that’s been a thorn up my backside since I started working there. Trust me, even earning enough to equal that lousy paycheck would make me quite content.
2. "So, when can I get my free copy?"
If you spent years working on something, would you give it away free, like you didn’t sweat blood bullets over it, swear at it, or cry tears of frustration? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Even a few months of agonizing work on a book doesn’t make me just want to give it away. Tell you what. You give me some money first, say, an amount that happens to equal or excel the cost of my book if you’re feeling generous, and then I’ll give you a copy for free. Or, you can visit the library and steal theirs. Even you ought to be able to afford those late fees.
3. "So, how much money have you made?"
I’ll tell you how much I’ve made if you show me your next pay stub. Deal? No? You don't like it when I inquire about your income? Well, neither do I when you ask about mine. How much an author makes is no business of yours. Unless I actually become a millionaire, because then I might just be tempted to rub it into the face of the person who told me, "There's no money in writing books!"
4. "Oh, you're writing a book? I've been wanting to do that forever."
Yeah, sure you have. Just like I’ve been wanting to lose weight for the last twenty years. Don’t act like an author wannabe; we real writers can detect you the second you spout the words, “I’ve been wanting to do that forever,” especially if you're the type who doesn't even make reading a habit. How can you possibly think that anyone will take you seriously when you only own seven books, and five of them are comic books? Trust me; if you wanted to write a book badly enough, you would have done it by now.
5. "Oh, you're self-published? So that means you're not a real author then, right?"
Yes, that’s exactly what that means. I’m just a frickin’ figment of your imagination that creates imaginary books that people pretend to read. I suppose the money I make is fake too, so I’d better not try to spend it or I’ll be arrested for counterfeiting. For those of you who don’t know, many authors you’re familiar with began as self-published. Ever read Peter Rabbit? Guess what? I suppose that wasn’t a real book either, just like mine! These are the people I want to punch most often, but I'll just have to settle for putting them in my next book and giving them embarrassing deaths.
6. "You'll never succeed with writing. There's too much competition."
Somehow, anything creative is fair game for criticism when people announce they want to try to make money with it. But when people want to sell Avon or jewelry for a living, they get oodles of support. The very interesting truth is that they have way more competition than writers have with one another because a lot less people write than sell company products. Writers only have to compete with other people that have actually finished a manuscript. Statistically, only 3% of writers ever finish writing a book if they start one, so I’d say my odds of success aren’t that bad when you add in the other honest truth that most indie books are terrible. A great article that further illustrates these points can be found here.
7. "So, what makes you think your books are good?"
I’ve never claimed they were. That’s up to my readers to decide whether or not my books are worthy of purchase, not me. This is why we have product reviews. What I have claimed to do is release the best books I possibly can, even if I have to pull them off the market temporarily to fix mistakes that were missed a few years ago when they were first released (which is why, as of this date, only one of my books is on the market), along with regularly improving my editing skills, productivity, and my commitment to connecting with my readers. I’ve also dedicated a lot of my social media time to helping other writers that need it. We were all beginners at some point in the craft, and it’s a tough place to be.
8. "Writing books for a living sounds so boring!"
So, are you trying to tell me that working at a factory the rest of your life is so much more entertaining? If you’ve figured out the secret to enjoying working under someone else, battling cranky customers and/or bosses, driving to work in blizzards, getting up before dawn, and managing the rest of your schedule around a job, then please give me a call. In fact, give everyone a call. We want to know that secret!
9. “It’s so nice that your little hobby can make money!”
My “little hobby,” as you call it, isn’t just the next level of Fortnite here, easily attained after a few hours of work (or twenty minutes if you're my son on a sugar high). Non-writers never realize how many years it takes to improve at what we do. I’ve been at it for 23 years, and I’m still striving to improve the quality of my writing. Don’t compare writing with things like gaming, crafting, or cooking, because it takes way more years to become competent than it does with the aforementioned activities. The only thing remotely having the same difficulty level is probably musical instrument training. Trust me, I know from experience. I play the piano.
10. “You won’t get far in the publishing world because you’re a certain race/gender, etc.”
I’m calling bullshit on this one, because in the end, great books speak for themselves, and they don’t care whether the hand that wrote them is male, female, transgender, LGBT, or what color their skin is. Wonderful writing can come from anyone who puts in the time and hard work. A little talent helps too, but it’s mostly nose-to-the-grindstone behavior that’s going to get writers far in the publishing industry. Add to that a high degree of professionalism, self-discipline, a few learned marketing skills and a dash of luck, and I really don’t see what is stopping you from making a big splash in the publishing pool. Just don’t pee in the water.
Indie Book Review of "One of Windsor: the Untold Story of America's First Witch Hanging"
One of Windsor: the Untold Story of America’s First Witch Hanging chronicles the life of Alice Young, born Alice Ashby, from her birth to her execution as an alleged witch of Windsor, Connecticut, which happened about 45 years before the Salem witch trials. Originally from England, she emigrated to The New World at the age of 20, met and married John Young, and had a family. She was executed for witchcraft in her late forties.
The start of any book is supposed to hook you in immediately. After all, that’s what makes you want to keep on reading, right? There was nothing like that here. The first chapter begins with two ministers (one being a young Cotton Mather) yacking on and on about the sin pervading the colonies, and how they must stop it, meaning that innocent people will be accused and executed for witchcraft. I kept hoping for something exciting to happen, but was disappointed. Nevertheless, I wanted to give this book a chance and kept reading. After all, some books just have slow beginnings but turn out to be masterpieces, such as Les Miserables and Gone With the Wind.
In Chapter 2, we witness the birth of our heroine Alice Young, whose mother is attended by her female cousins, the Tinker family. Too many characters were introduced by name to keep them all straight in my mind, and it took three attempts to really remember who most of them were. There is Alsie Ashby, Alice Ashby, Gwendolyn the midwife, Mrs. Mary Merwin Tinker, Sara Tinker, Ellen Tinker, little Mary Tinker, Margaret Tinker, Robert Tinker, Rhody Tinker, and John Tinker, not to mention three people who were dead, and all of these people are mentioned in the second chapter. How is a reader to keep fourteen people straight?
As writers, we’re often told to show what is happening with scenes and dialogue, not to just tell/speak of unfolding events with little character participation other than the person or persons filling in the roles of people just doing things. Don’t tell me how there were bad smells of vomit and cockroach infestations on the ship that took you to America...show me. Show me that the odors were so bad that you thought you’d never inhale fresh air again, especially since the captain and crew forced you and your fellow passengers to stay in the dark and foul-smelling, closet-sized cabins for nearly three months. Show me how you felt when the roaches crawled on you and how you probably had to pick them out of your putrid food. Show me what it was like to not be able to wash your clothes for those two-and-a-half months when being crammed in that cabin with seven other people. Never have I read so much “tell” and barely any “show.” I felt like I was reading the narration of a story, or better yet, a history book, never truly getting into the minds of the characters. The most predominant writing pattern was that the chapters alternated between many pages of “telling” and long pages of dialogue in which each character spoke a large paragraph during conversations.
The dialogue, when it occurred between bouts of telling, was uninspired and devoid of humor. The characters were so indistinctive from one another that I often couldn’t tell who was doing the talking, which was often in complete sentences that felt very forced and unnatural. No slang, no improper English, no short, clipped sentence fragments, which are the ways real people actually speak. One of them even used the phrase, “Nice to meet you,” which sounded way too modern for 17th-century English. Something like, “I am honored to meet thee,” would have been better.
In discussing the many many characters, I found them all to be incredibly dull and one-dimensional. I honestly could not care about any of them, and none of them really stood out. Alice was supposed to be the star of this book, but I rarely got a glimpse of what was going on inside her head. Her most compelling moment for me was when she was told to remove the lace from her cap by a minister because it was against the law for a servant to wear such finery, and she secretly stitches it to her undergarments because she’s desperate to hold onto this last souvenir from her homeland. Heaven forbid people actually want to look nice, right? Other than this moment, I saw nothing else about Alice that truly showed who she was as a person or made her interesting, other than her “second sight” (which was mentioned and never touched on again), and her extensive knowledge of herbal properties. Granted, I know that little is known about the real Alice Young’s life, but in fiction we are allowed some artistic license in a case like this to keep the story interesting. Make me care about the woman whom I know will die an unfair, early and tragic death.
I read six more chapters (totalling a hundred pages) of this book before I finally had to give up. I really despise not being able to finish a book, but I was having to force myself to keep reading. I thought the story looked very promising, as I’m very much interested in the history surrounding America’s first colonies, particularly the Salem witch trials. The premise of this book was exciting, and the editing was quite good, but it just was not a winner for me.
What I Do if I Can't Give Your Book a High Rating
A lot of book bloggers get this question. What happens if a book doesn't make the cut? Will you tear it to pieces and post it for the whole world to see? Not necessarily. I won't be mean when I point out what needs fixing in the manuscript, but I won't pull the wool over your eyes either. What I will do is offer constructive criticism that can help turn a so-so book into something worth reading. The best books I review get video coverage on my Youtube channel, those ranging in the four and five-star category. What do I do with the rest? Read on to find out.
When I became a book reviewer, my goal was to help other indie authors find their wings, but I can't help them improve their work by lying to them about the quality of it. We writers all write garbage when we first start out, which is fine because it's all part of the process of working out those beginner kinks that hopefully won't show up later. What isn't acceptable is making the mistake of publishing the first one or two books we write, because those will be our poorest-quality books by far. Even if authors do make that mistake, I just can't pretend it's a good book if it isn't.
I'm now going to share with you what I do when I find that a book I'm reviewing isn't up to scratch. There are many reasons a book isn't great, among them being poor writing mechanics, no talent, uninspired dialogue, etc. Though many things can push a book's rating to the lower end of the spectrum, some books are salvageable with a bit of work and patience. Basically, the story could be fantastic, but the dialogue flat. Or, the characters are unbelievably real, but the setting isn't accurate, etc. For the books that aren't salvageable, I write the kindest constructive review I can and post it online.
For the books that have great potential, I write to the author and share with them what could turn their "pretty good" book into one that I'd love to read over and over again. The purpose of this is to give them a chance to pull their book from the market and fix it before other people post bad reviews of what could have been a wonderful book.
What follows is one of those author letters, in which I have kept the identity of the author and the title of the book secret, along with its characters.
Dear Author ________,
Less than a month ago, you responded to one of my tweets on Twitter regarding my request for more indie author books to read and review. I’m happy to tell you that I’ve just finished reading your book, ________, and I enjoyed it very much, enough to add the rest of your books to my to-be-read list. I am, however, reluctant to be the first reviewer of ________ because I can’t possibly give it a five-star rating in its current state, and that would hurt your sales. As an indie author myself, and one who endeavors to support her fellow self-published authors, I think that you deserve the chance to fix the things in your book that will potentially lower your future ratings.
Now, before you throw something at me, I want to point out that ________ has so many positive things going for it, which I will list here:
1. It was definitely a page-turner, and I finished the read-through in less than a week. I found myself returning to the book several times a day, even if it was only for a few minutes, because I kept wanting to know what was going to happen next. You have created a very heartwarming tale, and it was a delight to read from the prologue to the epilogue.
2. As I dove deeper into Character One's world, I really got some useful perspective on the lives of those who are disabled. Disability is often misunderstood, as well as frightening to those who do not suffer from it, but your book makes a great contribution in helping light to be shed on this topic. We need more books like this. The last book I reviewed, We Are Immeasurable, by B.L. McGrew, featured a blind teenager who wanted to spend her final high school year in a regular school. Both We Are Immeasurable and your book fill a niche that is often ignored, and that’s a good thing.
This quote from the book is unforgettable: “They say time heals all wounds, but wounds will always leave scars.”
3. Character One and Character Two were a delight to read about, especially Character Two. They were definitely not cardboard characters with no life. They both had sparkle.
4. I liked the cover of the book. It was simple, and looks good in thumbnail size.
As far as the problems in this book go, don’t sweat it; many of them are easy fixes, and let’s face it---writing a book is insanely difficult. I call it “childbirth of the brain,” because that’s what it is. ________ is a good book, but it could be a great book if you address the following issues:
1. The book is in dire need of editing. I get it...editing is about as much fun as pulling out your own teeth, and editors aren’t cheap. A poorly-edited manuscript is something that your readers will notice, and trust me---they will take their frustrations out on you by leaving bad reviews, which can kill your sales and your reputation as an author. You don’t want that, especially after all the hard work you’ve put in. Unlike most book reviewers, I actually care that my words could do potential harm. I believe in this book, that it could be really wonderful one day, so I posted no review online. You deserve better, which is why I want to help you fix it.
2. There were far too many scenes that involved the sequence of Character One doing the following: getting up, showering, and picking out his clothes after “limping out of bed." There were probably at least five of these. I think they were written to hammer in that just a simple thing like getting ready in the morning is very challenging for those who are physically disabled, so here is a possible alternative that would accomplish the same goal: Make the very first “getting up” scene as detailed about Character One's difficulties as possible, adding some sort of line saying, “For a person suffering with the hell of incurable kidney failure, getting ready each morning was about as easy as an obese person trying to run five miles without training.” On future days of Character One’s life, you could just say, “He got up and drove to the college.”
3. While I’m on the topic of repetition, there were too many of Character One’s “getting out of the car” scenes, as well. As with his “getting ready for the day scene,” just make the first mention of it a hellish description for the readers, then all other “getting out of the car” scenes can just be summed up in one sentence. For example, “Character One left the car and entered the dialysis building.” Fixing this issue can cut down of repetitiveness.
4. Speaking of repetitiveness, I noticed a lot of same-word repetition in the same paragraph. For example, in Chapter 10, you ended four sentences in the same paragraph with the word “it.” It was the paragraph where the doctor was examining Character One’s swollen arm after his infection.
5. Mentioning every tiny action is not necessary. Readers don’t need to know that Character One flipped a light switch, closed a door, or turned left and right down a hallway, or loaded his wheelchair into his truck (when we know he does that already from a previous scene). These actions are usually implied, but they can be tedious to read through.
Here are some things I wanted to see, or issues I just have questions about:
1. I wanted to see Character One and his best friend saying farewell for the last time, and just more of the friend in general, particularly a conversation between the two men in regards to Character One's decision to permanently end his dialysis treatment. As Character One’s best friend, I would have thought that he would have tried to talk him out of it, or at least have been at the funeral.
2. Why did Character One spend six years in college, only to decide to end his life right after graduation? I thought he wanted to be a college professor.
3. As much as I loved the relationship between Character One and Character Two, I felt like it happened way too fast to be believable. I felt that their relationship, while sweet, had them too trusting of one another way too quickly. For example, you just don’t give a person you met only one week ago the spare key to your house, especially in this day and age. Might have worked for a story that took place in the 1950s, but it doesn’t work now. You might fix the too-fast relationship issue in this way: Have Character One suddenly decide that he needs a change in his life, and he decides to move back to Galveston Island and live in his parent’s beach house. He makes a new friend on the ghost tour on his first week back on the island (Character Two), and the two become fast friends and spend a lot of time getting to know one another over the next few months, eventually developing feelings for one another. Unfortunately, watching others enjoy their “normal” lives in bliss in the tourist destination becomes too much for Character One, because he knows that his medical problems will bring, and are bringing challenges to his and Character Two’s relationship that he isn’t sure he wants them to handle. That, coupled with his being tired of constant medical treatments, is what compels him to, without Character Two’s knowledge, end his dialysis treatments and live out his final days touring the island and trying to get as much enjoyment out of these last days as possible, until he has his heart attack on the Pleasure Pier. He wakes up the next day and confesses his plans to Character Two, who, with her backbone of steel, chews him out royally for wanting to die, but admits that nothing could ever make her stop loving him, and that, despite the permanent damage to his heart, her heart belongs to him until the end.
4. I think Character One’s death would have made a bigger impact on the reader if we could have seen it through Character Two’s eyes, which is a classic example of it needing to be a “show, don’t tell,” moment. We, as the readers have been with Character One in all his struggles, heartbreaks, in each drop of blood spilled and every scream of his pain. We need to be there at his death. Don’t be afraid to make us cry at his side with the one he loves.
5. What happened to Character One’s parents? Not many 27-year-olds have dead parents, as I got the impression they had died. You could slip in that perhaps they died in an accident or something, perhaps in the last hurricane on the island.
In closing, I want you to know that I think you’re a very talented writer. If at some point _______ receives the polishing it needs, I would be happy to read the new edition and leave a review online. Your book is too good to not let it get the best treatment you can give it, and reading it was truly an honor.
I remain, respectfully, your ally and comrade in this fight to help indie authors write the best books they can write and win the respect they deserve. If you ever need advice, don’t hesitate to contact me via my Twitter handle, which is @prospero1501.
Sincerely,
Andria Redlin, Indie Author and Indie Book Reviewer
END OF EXAMPLE
As I've often said, sometimes the best way to learn how to do something is to learn how not to do it. I hope this example of constructive book criticism has been of help to all writers who are reading this, and I do hope you'll share it with them so they can benefit.
Dear Dick Pic Men
If you’re a woman on social media, it’s likely going to happen to you eventually; you’re gonna open your messages, hoping to find something of value. Instead, your eyes will be assaulted by a photo of a man’s junk, and I’m not talking about the junk he keeps in the garage. This, my friends, is the Dick Pic, and they need to stop.
Dear Dick Pic Men:
First of all, just knock it off already; the dick pic sending-not your actual dick. But hey, whatever it takes for you to stop sending them if you have such a low lack of self-control. Because most women are not impressed by these photos. The only thing those pics tell us is that you only let one of your heads do most of your thinking. Judging by which one appears in the photo, it isn’t hard to see which one that is. Now, if the size of your dick was an accurate indicator of the size of your brain, then I’d be impressed! Maybe. But since it isn’t, let’s move on.
Aside from being creepy, the action of sending a dick pic is just plain rude, as well as a form of sexual harassment. Just because you’re flashing us online instead of in person does not mean this is acceptable. Women have been dealing with this kind of treatment for centuries, from cat calls when we’re just trying to take a simple walk through the neighborhood, to men plastering their eyes all over us in a way that makes us feel like we forgot to put on clothes. Now that we live in the modern world, dick pics are becoming an epidemic, or “dickpickademic,” if you will.
I don’t really have a clue what you think is supposed to happen when you flash us a picture of your willie. If it’s reciprocation in the form of what resides in our undies, good luck with that one, because most women are just going to hit that Block button and call it a day with the knowledge that one less good guy exists in the world. Congrats...you’ve officially found the best way to instantly alienate any potential dating partner or friend. In sending us that kind of picture, or “dickture,” what reaction (other than the slim chance of reciprocation) are you hoping to get? If you’re looking for shock value, well, you’ve accomplished that. But as for anything else, forget it, unless you’re thinking of disgust, because that’s more of an accurate representation of what we’re feeling when our eyes are assaulted by your smaller brain. If you’re trying to impress us, you’re barking up the wrong chicken here. Go back to the funny farm and crow. A dickture is worth a thousand turds.
Here are some of the things that actually would impress a woman. In fact, let’s use me as an example.
Things That Would Impress Me More than the World’s Biggest Dick if I Was Single:
-The size of your library. I read books, and I write books. Books are my life. If you’re a man that reads, you’ve already scored some brownie points. Show me a shelf full of books (and I mean real books, not comic books), and I’ll be very happy.
-The size of your heart. Empathy, sympathy, and just about anything else ending in -pathy are welcome here, as long as it’s not related to psychopathy. Most women are just looking for a man who isn’t afraid to show emotion or feeling. We don’t expect you to bawl your eyes out every time the “Remember Me” scene plays in Disney’s Coco, but for heaven’s sake, it’s perfectly acceptable for a man to cry at his mother’s funeral!
-Can you cook? When I’m lying on the couch too sick to move because of the latest assault of the common cold, you’d better not expect me to cook you dinner. And when I say, “Cook dinner please, would you honey?” I don’t mean dial for pizza, unless it’s been a month since we’ve eaten it.
-How clean are you? Do you come home from work and trash the house, or do you know how to operate a vacuum and wash a dish? I’m not your mother. Keep your home decent-looking and you’ll impress any woman. I don’t think immaculate should be a requirement, because that’s just too damn close to perfection, and perfection is boring. A happy medium will do. We just don’t like getting hit in the face by dirty sock odor upon entering the house.
-Are you good with kids? Because some women are not, and I’m one of them! Are you going to help them with homework when I’m busy cooking dinner? Or am I going to be expected to do those two things at the same time after a full day at my job? Just because I’m a woman, it does not mean I possess both maternal instincts and the knowledge of how to make lasagna without burning it. Share the workload!
-Can you hold down a job, or do you always have one foot out the door at your place of work? Sorry to break it to you, but women like financial stability because we constantly think of our children’s needs, even before they are born. When they’re in the womb, trust me---we’re already thinking about how much college is going to cost. At least, most of us mothers do. I used to, until my teenage son started taking care of himself. Now, that part of my life is bliss.
-Can you remember important things like my birthday without having to rely on Facebook reminders? It’s not rocket science to remember what happens on a few certain days of the year. If you can remember things like Christmas, I don’t think my birthday or our anniversary days are too much to be acknowledged.
-Are you going to be there for me in times of crisis? If my grandma or my dad become terminally ill or pass away, are you going to help me with end-of-life care or funeral arrangements, or am I going to have to muscle my way through my grief to get through those unbearable proceedings?
-Are your finances in order? Look, I don’t expect great wealth here. I just want to know that your car isn’t about to be repo’d.
-Will your parents get along with my parents? If they love starting fights with my family during the holiday celebrations, I really hope you have the balls to put them in their place and tell them to mind their own business. Just don't show them a photo. On that note, if you want to know the fastest and most effective way to be blocked, the dickture will be most effective.
A Critical Review of the Musical "Come From Away"
I suppose you could say that I have odder-than-usual preferences when it comes to musicals. I’m probably the only person on this planet that can’t stand Rodger’s and Hammerstein’s two highly-acclaimed musicals OKLAHOMA! and Cinderella, neither of which amount to being much more than fluff in my opinion. I like my musicals bloody, broody, depressing, mysterious, and to actually mean something that questions who we are as human beings. Among these would be my four favorite musicals: Sweeney Todd, Les Miserables, The Phantom of the Opera, and Little Shop of Horrors. Death and mayhem beat at the heart of every one of them, but they also have the capacity to cause me to shed tears both happy and sad as I journey with their very deep characters, laugh at their humor, and experience emotions that leave me wanting more. Some musicals have none of these abilities, and the one I’m about to tell you about has none of them.
Last Saturday, the hubster and I were able to score some free tickets to go to the Connor Palace in downtown Cleveland to see a relatively new musical called Come From Away. For those of you unfamiliar with it, it tells a true story that takes place in the tiny town of Gander in Newfoundland, a town that woke up one morning to discover that about 7000 people were about to become their guests, and they certainly were not tourists; they were the passengers of the 38 planes rerouted for their own safety on the day of the 9/11 attacks. No one knew how long the stranded passengers would be there, but one thing was certain: they would all need food, clothing, and places to sleep.
I’m not certain this would be great fodder for making a musical. A documentary probably. Maybe even a movie. But how was it as a musical? It sucked. Stay with me, and I’ll tell you why in a moment.
Sometimes, free tickets aren't always such a good thing. I’m beginning to wonder if my mother caught wind of the negative reviews of this atrocity of a stage production and pretended that she had to work that day so she could give the tickets to me and spend an afternoon at home on the couch. Just kidding, Mom. I know you meant well, but I’m truly sorry that you actually spent money on this show. You’re better off seeing The Lion King, trust me. I don’t know if I’m just missing something, or maybe I just don’t like “fluffy” musicals, but I really think Come From Away should have just stayed away.
Nearly every review I’ve read about this musical has been good, or at least favorable. Very few have been negative, and I’m sorry to say that this is the crowd I’m part of. Maybe I just need a few more therapy sessions. What was so horrible about Come From Away? I suppose I should start with the positive, since that won’t take long.
Positive
-The cast was very talented and their voices were pleasant on the ears, but even their level of talent was not enough to carry the show, similar to how a big-name actor cannot carry the weight of an entire film on his shoulders. They can do their best, but it still comes down to writing skills, music, and all the other group elements that are welded together to create a finished product that audiences will like. Oh wait...this was supposed to be the positive stuff.
Negative
-The lack of scene changes. Imagine a movie with the same set being used in every scene, regardless of where the scene was supposed to be, or what it was about. I’m sorry, but you’re never going to convince me that a brick wall is an airplane door. The stage was set up to look like the inside of a bar...and except for the chairs being moved around into different positions for every song, that was it. No imagination was put into the set design. Even though my tickets had been free, I still felt ripped off, because I’ve seen high schools do better with set design. That’s rather pathetic when you’re only paying 20 bucks a ticket to see something designed by a bunch of teenagers in the after-school drama club. Believe me, I was in drama club, and a lot of our sets were better than the uninspired single set used in this production. For a show that costs an average of 90 bucks a ticket, I’d expect a lot more visual entertainment than a turntable and a literal game of “Musical” Chairs. Considering the fact that elaborate costumes were not needed (since it takes place in 2001), they could have used that extra money to have a few more sets. I might add that the scenes of passengers being on an airplane were using nothing more than two rows of chairs to simulate an airplane on stage. Pathetic. This is what your hard-earned cash is paying for?
-Too many dual-roles. The entire cast was comprised of maybe 20 people, each of whom played at least two roles. This was not only confusing, but, like the single set, cheapened the sense that you were seeing a high-budget production. The producers could have fixed both of these problems in one shot by using the stage’s turntable to rotate back and forth between two sets, and two groups of actors. The first “roles” that the group played were the townsfolk of Gander, and the second group of roles were the stranded people of the plane. Trying to keep track of what was going on was a pain in the ass, because the people kept switching back and forth to their other roles.
-The group-group-group monotony of the entire musical. Nearly every song was a group number that consisted of singing and dancing, making for a rather repetitive experience. There were hardly any solo roles, which was a pity for a group of very talented singers. Also, one of the worst things about group numbers is the fact that as an audience member, you don’t really know where to focus your attention. Too much is going on to really look at one person, and there were also too many voices to understand the lyrics. They could have sung the songs in any language other than my native English, and I probably would have understood about as much. The Irish-inspired music was a nice touch, but could have been better if there had been more solo pieces to counteract the amount of cast ensemble numbers. This was probably the reason that I found so few of the songs to be memorable, and the entire production rather repetitive.
-Emotion and character depth were missing. You don’t have to be a writer to notice these things, but since I’ve become accustomed to making sure that my main characters have at least as much depth as a quarry, I’ve probably become hyper-sensitive to things of this sort. The characters in Come From Away gave me no sense of emotion, and I could not care less what happened to them. Even the scene where one of them finds out that a loved one has died as a result of the 9/11 attacks failed to drag a tear from my eye, and I’m the type of sentimental freak who bawls my eyes out at Disney films. It wasn’t so much of a blink-back-tear-moment as it was an I-saw-that-coming-a-mile-away-and-could-not-care-less-moment. I’m sorry. Shoot me in my little black heart. At least it would make me feel something.
In conclusion, I think that this musical would likely do well as a movie, since there would be more opportunity for a variety of sets, costume changes, and no dual roles that only create confusion. A film would evoke a better sense of suspense and emotion that was not felt in the musical. If a movie is made, I will give it a look, I promise.
The hubster claims that the time he spent at the performance of Come From Away is time he will never get back, so he is vowing to drag my butt to a football game. For me, that is a fate worse than death, so you’ll probably be reading a future article entitled “Making a Pass on Football,” or “20 Yards Away from Boredom,” or “Don’t Touchdown Me.” Title pending.
If any of you have seen Come From Away, I’m dying to know what you thought of it! Let me know in the comments below!
Author Exploitation Needs to Stop
In my home office, I am literally surrounded by books. Young Adult, autobiographies, horror, fantasy, true crime, and even more genres and subgenres than I can name. I’d be able to list more, but my caffeine levels have dropped. If I want to sleep tonight, coffee is out for the moment. Coffee is a big part of my life, probably about as much as books. Books and coffee kind of go hand in hand, as I’ve found over the many years I’ve been both a reader and a writer. I love books, and I love being surrounded by them like they’re my own private barrier against the world. When I first fell in love with books, it was for the reading of them, which later turned into the joy of writing my own.
However, there are times when I just want to set fire to every last one of them and watch their charred scraps fly into the wind.
Don’t cart me off to the nuthouse just yet. I haven’t yet explained why I sometimes regret the day I ever opened up Green Eggs and Ham as a toddler and discovered that this thing called a book could be my very best friend.
Here’s the short version: indie author exploitation.
Here’s the long version: I’m an indie author, and I just want to actually get paid for my work. Instead, the printer I went with gets most of the dough. How do I know this? Because the amount of sales in my records should match the number of copies I’m seeing for sale on Amazon’s website by various independent sellers. When they show X number of copies available, and you know you haven’t seen that many showing up as sales in your records, there’s something very wrong. I ought to be getting paid each time a retailer places an order from my printer, but I don’t.
I can only draw the conclusion that I am being robbed, exploited, and cheated out of the money I ought to be getting for my hard work. As an indie author, I am involved in every aspect of the publishing process. I write and edit the book. I design the cover and do all the formatting, a fate that may render me bald one of these days from all the stress it causes me. Let’s not even mention marketing. The point is, independent authors work their asses off to create a finished book, and what is out there waiting for us?
The scammers, the publishing package sellers, and the “publishers” that tell you your book is great, but since you’re a first-timer, you need to contribute funds because you’re unknown and therefore a bad risk.
I went on my Twitter feed this morning and read that one of my followers was offered a publishing deal, but her asshat of a publisher wanted money up front. Nearly everyone in the comment section told her to run far away and not look back. I just wanted to cry after seeing this. This kind of publisher makes me sick. First, they get an author’s hopes up, and when the author is busy doing cartwheels on Cloud 9, they present their “contract” in the hope that the poor writer will be too drunk on excitement to realize that they’re about to be scammed into signing something that will leave said writer broke, and the publisher in a position to pad their already-fat wallets.
It seems like being an independent writer these days has become a joke. I've been writing books for roughly half my life. Two are written, but not edited or published (because I refuse to unleash them to the public in their current condition). Two were published, but I've pulled them from the market for drastic rewrites. One is published, but now I'm considering pulling it off the market because I'm not getting paid for its sales to retailers. My mother has put her own writing career into my hands because of what I know and what I've learned about the publishing industry. Together, she and I have busted our humps to get her manuscript in pristine condition. I don't know how to tell her that for the first time in ages, I have no idea what her publishing path, or mine, should be. Should we go traditional, or stay indie?
I've dragged my heels for years about going traditional with my work, and I really believe that I could do it. But I happen to love being an indie author. Proud of it even. I enjoy having complete creative control over my books, not having to work according to someone else's deadline. But I don't love being scammed. I don't love not being able to help my mom, who after only a short time, is becoming a fantastic blogger on the low-carb lifestyle. I feel like a complete failure for suggesting that she write a book about "living la vida low-carb," because she's done her part, and I'm trying desperately to do mine. I want to help her succeed, but how am I supposed to do that when no reputable printer seems to exist?
Here are just some of the things that bad printers do that are disgraceful:
1. Not giving you a free ISBN number for your book. We already have to pay for everything else (editing, cover design, etc). Why should we pay for that as well? It's just a stupid little number, not a marriage license! Why do I have to pay a double-digit price for a number?
2. Not offering enough distribution choices, or any choices at all. I'm sorry, but I don't just want to sell my book on Amazon. I want to sell it through every online book distributor I can. I believe I have that right.
3. Having a minimum order quantity. No, I don't want 200 copies of my own book lying around the house. Not only do I not have the money to order that many, but I don't have the space as well. I also don't want my family thinking my ego is that big.
4. Not giving us enough control over the cost to print the book. I thought it would be a great idea to design and print journals to sell. They look good, but but to make even the very lowest profit, you want me to sell a 250-page BLANK BOOK for thirty bucks if I sell it anywhere online but your site? Seriously?
If you don't believe me, take a look at this:
Amazon
Their site
Even with the "discount" on "their site," $17.40 is still pretty pricey for a journal. You tell me how I'm supposed to make a living this way.
I've worked hard on my books. You’ve worked hard on your books. Do you really want someone else to get the money that you earned? I sure as hell don’t. I want my money, and I want the right to create and to actually be paid for my work. The truth is, I can’t fight this battle alone. I need other indie authors to join me and do something about it. Call out these con artists who scam and steal and ruin our literary careers before they’ve even had a chance to take off. They need to be publicly recognized for what they truly are. The exploitation of authors will only end if we make it stop.
Are you with me? I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but I know this for certain: If I have anything to do with it, #EndAuthorExploitation is going to become a lot more popular.
An Interview with B.L. McGrew, Indie Author Extraordinaire!
Hey guys! Andria Redlin here. You know…that crazy indie book reviewer that may or may not be working on her next manuscript? That girl. Yeah, well, anyways, today, I’ll be interviewing a very special young woman for my first EVER guest appearance on my blog, Lock, Stock & Barrel, where you’ll find a little bit of everything. Her name is B.L. McGrew, and she’s the author of We Are Immeasurable, a coming-of-age story about a blind girl trying to overcome the obstacles of public high school. We’ll be talking about the book, as well as her career as an indie author.
Redlin: To begin, tell us about yourself. How old were you when you started writing?
McGrew: In the third grade, I had a teacher take an interest in my writing. For fun, I was writing a story about my mother being pregnant and how excited I was to finally meet my new baby brother! My teacher would sit with me during free/play time and help me with spelling and sentence structure. She even bound it with red yarn, so it looked like a “real” book. Sadly, I didn’t get back into writing for fun until around 2009 over a decade later. I always wonder where I’d be with my writing if I’d stuck with it throughout my childhood.
Redlin: But at least you came back to writing again. Some people never return to what they were great at as children, which is sad. But you found the path again, so be proud of what you have accomplished, which has been a lot! Be proud that you have some completed manuscripts under your belt, as only 3% of the people who start writing a book ever finish one. Three percent complete a manuscript, and you were one of them. Not once, but many times. That's huge, so have no regrets! Getting back on topic, were there any famous authors who inspired you to write, whether you’ve read their books or not?
McGrew: I actually started off as a Twilight FanFiction writer back in 2009. I was thoroughly obsessed with Twilight, and when the books ended, I wanted more. When I gained a following, many of my readers would say I needed to start writing my own stuff and a year later, I did. So, I have Stephenie Meyer and the Twi fandom to thank for my writing career. Even though I don’t write in the same genre as Twilight, without it, I’m not sure I would’ve known I was capable of publishing.
Redlin: I'm very glad you listened to your readers. That's something we indie authors need to do more often. So, how did you come up with the idea for We Are Immeasurable?
McGrew: So, my favorite YA standalone of all time is The Fault in Our Stars. For years (since 2013 or so), I said I wanted to write something gripping like that. In 2016, I read All the Bright Places and Everything. Everything back to back and then my story just hit me. I knew the characters and the subject matter before I even opened my laptop. I knew exactly how it was going to begin and how it was going to end. Figuring out the in-between was the fun journey. I think We Are Immeasurable has always been in me, I just needed a little push to get it to paper.
Redlin: I must say, that as one who has read, reviewed, and truly enjoyed We Are Immeasurable, it is not a book to be missed. Along with the frequent laugh-out-loud humor, I thought it was truly unique in its premise of shedding new light on the world of those living with disabilities. Now I'm going to have to check out The Fault in Our Stars and Everything, Everything, too! But getting back to We Are Immeasurable...have you considered expanding on this topic in future books, say with a deaf protagonist or perhaps a teenager coming to terms with life in a wheelchair? There are not a lot of books out there to fill this niche.
McGrew: I love this question, honestly, I have thought about it, but I want to say, when I decided to write WAI I never once thought about it being a niche. It was a part of this character. This story's focus was freedom and first love and, as mentioned in the book, it’s almost like her blindness was secondary. I knew it was important to research and be delicate as to not offend or misrepresent, but I didn’t go into writing this book like, “I’m going to write about a blind girl because we don’t have a ton of books like that.” It was organic to this story. So, to answer your question, I don’t have any plans to write what you’ve listed, but if it happens to be a character that I envision, I will take the time to make sure I get it right or as close to right as I can without having experienced it myself.
Redlin: I see what you mean. Sometimes stories just "are." They don't always have an agenda or a role to fulfill, nor should authors be pressured into writing them into their work. Creativity isn't something that should be controlled, yet there are those who like to try. Books are no different than art in this regard. I'm curious...how many books have you written?
McGrew: I have published two, but I’ve written thirty. I am re-releasing my first book some time next year. I was a newbie and didn’t get a professional edit. I’m going to add deleted scenes and have a new cover. I’m really excited about it. Aiden is a fan favorite, so I think my Her Butterfly Diary readers are going to enjoy the added scenes.
Redlin: Holy crap! Thirty? WOW! Based on how young you look, as well as your high-level writing skills, I was going to guess maybe five or six. But thirty! Yikes. I'm going to have to get more disciplined if I'm ever going to catch up with you! Well done! Now that we've established that writing is certainly your main interest, do you have other hobbies?
McGrew: Reading! I own over 800 books. I’ve been writing so much that I haven’t been able to read a lot lately though ;(. I love listening to music as well.
Redlin: 800...now I want to go count mine just to get an idea of how many I have, because I have no idea! I just know it's a lot. Do you have a favorite book or book series, and has it been an influence on your writing? My favorite series sure has!
McGrew: I jumped the gun and answered this in the first question! Lol Twilight! I was not into reading to be honest. And ten years ago I read the series and since then, I’ve become this huge book nerd and a published author! I primarily write in first person POV and I do believe it’s because when I read twilight, I loved how we got to be in Bella’s mind. I like my readers to be in my protagonists mind as well. To feel everything my characters feel, just as deeply. That’s very important to me.
Redlin: It's amazing what finding the right book can do for a person. Sometimes I think that those who claim to hate reading have just never found the right book yet. The same thing applies to writing. When we're forced to do it for school, it can be daunting and unpleasant, but imagine doing it just for fun, and you can't believe what you were missing before! Do you have a writing schedule, or do you squeeze writing time in anywhere you can?
McGrew: I used to have a strict writing schedule, but life happened! So, now, I write whenever I have the time. My favorite time to write is when it’s dark outside. So, evenings or super early in the morning.
Redlin: "...but life happened!" I love that! Seriously, that needs to be on a T-shirt or something. Literally, you could put anything in the blank of "I was trying ____, but life happened!" Mine would likely say, "I was trying to get skinny, but life happened." And life does happen, whether you're trying to accomplish a dream or not. We try to schedule things, but it doesn't always work out. But creativity can't usually be scheduled, as it tends to happen anywhere and any time. What we can (sometimes) control is where it morphs into being. Where is your favorite place to morph stories into being, and what writing tool can you not live without?
McGrew: I have a rocking chair in the corner of my dining room. I love cozying up with a blanket and writing there. As far as writing tools, I just go straight to Microsoft Word, but I couldn’t live without my notes in my phone! I jot down the most random ideas in my notes!
Redlin: Microsoft Word is awesome, and note-taking is a valuable habit writers shouldn't be without. I never go anywhere without my portable keyboard and a notebook. Inspiration doesn't wait for planning. It hits like lightning, and we always should be ready for it. Speaking of being ready, are you a Plotter or a Pantser? For our audience members who don’t know, a Plotter is someone who outlines their entire book before starting to write, and a Pantser is someone who just writes by the seat of their pants, basically “winging it.” Then, you’ve got your hybrid, a Plantser. That’s me, I’m afraid, but what are you?
McGrew: I’m a panster to my core! I always have a vague idea of what I want, but I just open my laptop and get to typing away. I have two series I’m working on where I have to world-build, so I’ve had to plot and it’s so tough for me. I like my characters to lead the way. When I plot, I feel like I’m taking too much control. My characters are way better writers than I am! I need to just observe what they do and write it down, not tell them what to do. Lol.
Redlin: As a seasoned writer, I know exactly what you mean about letting characters take control. They even start naming themselves after a while, so watch out! They're just like children, seriously! They're as independent as the authors who create them, indie or not. For those in the audience who don’t know, an indie author is one who self-publishes their books, and traditional authors often get agents and go through a publishing company. What influenced your decision to be an indie author versus traditional?
McGrew: Total transparency, fear and impatience. The second I decided I wanted to publish, I didn’t want to wait any longer. For my first book, I didn’t even consider traditional. I wanted my book out and it needed to happen right away and that’s why it’s not a great edit. I should have done more research. With WAI, I actually contemplated traditional and with how it’s selling and being received. I sometimes wish I would’ve submitted it, but I knew what I was doing and I didn’t want to wait. I wanted to choose and create my own cover and choose my release date and tagline, etc.. I talked myself out of the query process. The benefits of being indie is that I get to call all the shots and that’s something I’ve been very fearful of losing if I go traditional. I plan on submitting traditionally for a different genre, but I truly love doing it on my own even though it’s super stressful.
Redlin: Losing all control is my biggest fear as well if I ever go traditional, so I completely understand. We indies get total control over our careers, but we also get to do all the legwork. Much of it is brutal. What do you find the most challenging about being an indie author?
McGrew: Marketing. The thin line between selling your brand versus oversaturating and annoying your followers! All my social media is pretty much peddling my brand and it can be taxing at times.
Redlin: We've talked about the biggest annoyances of being an indie author, but there are many positive things about it as well. What has been the most rewarding thing about being an indie author?
McGrew: When I get messages from readers saying what my book meant to them. Or how they relate to a certain character. I had someone message me that they were reading my book in the hospital room as she waited to see if her daughter had cancer. She said that my book gave her strength and the belief that she and her family could conquer anything and everything. It made me cry to have my words and characters resonate with her during such a scary time in her life. I had another woman who was wheelchair bound email me that WAI gave her a voice and that she related to Mazie. Connecting to readers, people I don’t even know, will always be the ultimate reward because it’s something I never expected or even considered when I started writing.
Redlin: Crap, now I need a tissue...I wish more people would mention the fact that certain books changed their lives forever. It's something way more important than just earning an income from authoring, and we need to remember that. With all the obstacles in their way, indie authors need more inspiration to write than ever before. Do you have a favorite indie author, and where can we find their books?
McGrew: I host a podcast show with Kay Blake and she has released a ton of books! I’m behind on my indie author reading, so if I have to shoutout another indie author, it would have to be my co-host! Her work can be found on Amazon.
Redlin: Is there anything you would like to say to encourage indie authors out there?
McGrew: Keep writing! Even if you think you’re writing garbage. I think we all think that about our writing at some point, haha. It’s super easy to be discouraged, but you have to keep going. It’s okay to step away and take breaks, but you have to finish. I’m about to sound really cliche, but the world needs your story and your voice!
Redlin: Very true! I don't know what the world would do without stories. Where do you hope your writing career will take you, and where do you see yourself in ten years?
McGrew: My ultimate goal is to write for television and film. I would love to produce and direct my own screenplays. And of course, what writer doesn’t want to be on The NY Times Bestsellers list?! In ten years, I hope that my main career is writing and creating. Nothing else on the side. Comfortably living and affording life as a creative.
Redlin: Well, I think you certainly have a shot at obtaining these goals! Heck, you've got a whole arsenal at your disposal, so fire away, and I know you'll get there! Last but not least, will we see you at the Indie Author Conference and Showcase this year in Cleveland, Ohio?
McGrew: As of today, I am signed up! I just have to remember to order the books for the showcase! Haha.
Redlin: Well, that’s all for today, everyone. Let's give a big hand to this amazing author for participating in this interview, and I hope you will check out McGrew’s book! Don’t forget to follow her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram to show your support, and perhaps remind her to order books for the Indie Author Showcase!
How to Write a Book Part 1: Blogging, Websites, and Writing Groups
Writing your first book can be a hell you didn't know existed, if you don't know what you are doing. I used to be that person, and it took me a good fourteen years to work out many of the kinks, problems, and common mistakes that first-time writers make when attempting to arrange words in a way that make sense, entertain bibliophiles, and are worthy of being professionally glued between two sheets of pretty cardboard and forced on unsuspecting friends and relatives. Now, I'm not saying that I no longer make grammatical errors (I'm looking at YOU, oh hyphen that I tend to use waaaaaay too much, often incorrectly), but what I am telling you is that writing your first book doesn't have to be as tough for you as it was for me. You may even get to keep most of your hair.
Writing a book doesn't have to make you feel like Linus without his blanket!
Writing a book involves more than, well, writing. Much more. In this article, I will guide you through the first three steps of writing and selling your first book, most of which don't involve actual writing! Hold onto your keyboard now, because it might start to melt---mine already is.
Step 1: START A BLOG
There's a reason I put that in all caps:
1. So you can easily spot it later for reviewing the steps quickly.
2. Because it's darn important!
Now, now----------- I know the thought of blogging can be overwhelming, as well as possess the potential to induce a migraine, but please hear me out, preferably without any distractions. For those of you who already run a blog (or a vlog in some instances), you probably already know that doing it has some real benefits. Here are some really good reasons why you, as an author, need to blog:
1. Writing practice: I don't care if you're Stephen King and write at least 2000 words per day----ALL writers, even the super-experienced ones, must hone their craft regularly to maintain and improve the quality of their writing. Think about the last time that you did something that you hadn't done in awhile. It felt awkward, right? At least until you became acclimated to it once again. Writing is the same way. Exercise your writing skills every day to stay in shape and keep writing second nature.
2. If you put out quality content, you gain followers. If people like you, they'll buy anything you have for sale, including books! Yes, I know this sounds as shallow as your toddler's kiddie pool, but it's a fact of the business world, and writing is a business. So, get out there and start interacting with the world, build that e-mail list, and grow your sales. E-mail reaches more people than almost any other medium, which is why successful bloggers recommend it.
Step 2: CREATE YOUR AUTHOR WEBSITE
Now that you've created a blog and gained a few followers, it's time to make your website. Unless, of course, your blog IS on your website, which should make this step a lot easier.
Your site should include the following:
-A short biography of you, and at least one photograph.
-Your contact info (name, e-mail, and links to your social media pages), but not your address. Yes, you must provide links, as most people are just too lazy to try to find you on their own. Make it easy for people to find you.
-Your written books, preferably with clickable images of their covers that take clickers where they can read or purchase them. If you don't have any books finished, links to online posts by you are a good start.
If you've never built a website before, there are many free online sitebuilders out there that can help, such as WIX. That's the one I used. Having never before built a website, I actually found it to be quite easy. However, once you've created a site you like, don't buy the domain name right away. Give the site a name you like (which should be your name so you will be easier to find in Google Search), see if it "fits," and if it works for you, buy the domain name and you will own it. For example, you can find me at www.andriaredlin.com
Step 3: FORM or JOIN an ONLINE WRITING GROUP
Yes, it's just one more thing to do on our path to financial success as an author, but you want to quit that day job, don't you? No one ever said that being a successful writer was going to be effortless, but you'd be amazed at what a bit of perserverance can do.
So...the writing group. Ugh. Yes, I heard your snarl of irritation from here. Believe me, I GET it. All the things we have to do these days to make it as a paid writer really suck. I really don't think Jane Austen or Laura Ingalls Wilder had this problem, but since WE do, we must deal with it. We must join writers groups and-----gasp-----interact with other writers! Shocker! I'll make this easy for you and invite you to mine:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1217739964932231/ Keep in mind that you don't just have to join one. I recommend no more than five, but it's truly up to you.
Here are some of the benefits of joining a writing group, online and otherwise:
-Feedback, feedback, feedback. Did I mention how valuable feedback is? How are you supposed to know what your skill level is as a writer if you don't let anyone see your work? Perhaps you've been wanting to write prose your whole life, but your real talent shines in poetry. Groups can help you see things like this that remain hidden to you.
-Interaction with writers in your chosen genre. If you write fantasy, there's a group out there with your name on it, especially if you happen to have created the group yourself.
-Access to opportunities you never had before. Perhaps there's going to be an author convention in your area, and the only way you would have found out about it was because of the group news.
Motivation. Groups keep you motivated to write, mostly because of the cheap but effective thing called peer pressure. If HappyWriter78 has loudly proclaimed a daily writing goal of 700 words, others tend to get competitive and try for 1000. If FantasyFred1965 announces the launch of a writing contest for your group, you have a REASON to hit that keyboard with everything you have, and I don't mean with a sledgehammer. What motivates you to write? Ask yourself this. Seriously.
And so ends Part 1 of How To Write A Book. Please do check out the next installment, where I will actually get into the mechanics of writing that thing that you want to see so badly on your bookshelf. Ta-ta til then!
How to Write a Book Part 2: the Idea, the Outline, and that First Draft!!!
Welcome back, writers, to the second installment of How to Write a Book! In this issue, I will go over what you need to get started in pumping out that first manuscript.
THE IDEA
All books begin with an idea for a story. Some of these ideas are more worthless than the leftovers in the back of your fridge. In fact, a rather high percentage of our ideas for books just don't make the cold cut. But once in a while, like the rare times you actually decide to clean that fridge, a really good one appears in your brain, like a movie played on repeat. You can't get it out of your head. You think it's fan-frickin-tastic. So does your mother. But before you start slamming that keyboard every night, you'd better do some serious brainstorming.
An idea surviving brainstorming is like passing GO the very first time. It's collected the 200 bucks to add to it's meager stash of cash, yet it can't afford to really buy anything yet. It has to go around the horn again (in this case, your brain), picking up other mini ideas as it travels. At this point, your idea should be written down, and all your mini ideas should be branching out of it. Where is the story going? Does it have a beginning, middle, and an end? Does it have a main character yet? Does the villain die an excruciating death, or does the villain triumph at the end? Does your story even have a villain?
When you're finished with your brainstorm, you should have a minimum of the following for your story:
Brainstorm Checklist
1. A beginning, middle, and end
2. The protagonist, or hero/heroine of your story. What do they hope to accomplish?
3. The villain's identity. What are they after?
4. Established location and time period------when and where does your story happen? Does it work for your characters and their situation?
5. The genre---is it a children's book, middle-grade fiction, non-fiction? Is it mystery, biography, true crime? Identify your audience!
Now is not the time to worry about details like the names of people and places. What you are trying to do at this point is the preparation for the bare bones of your story, which will be the outline. If you completed the above checklist, you are ready to visit your online writing groups and run that idea by them, preferably in a one-sentence summary. You could start the post out with, "Would you read a book about...insert your one-sentence summary here...? I am looking for honest answers. If you said no, please write the biggest reason why this idea isn't appealing to you." Be sure to put the genre in there somewhere. Keep the post simple, and others are more likely to respond. And who says you just have to ask your writing groups? There are about 3.6 gazillion reading groups out there as well in cyberspace, so take advantage of that!
When your post has been up for about a week or two, now is the time to analyze the feedback. Were many of the responses favorable? Did people ask for more information on it? If so, than you may have the makings of a good book on your hands. If you got a lot of nos, well, it's back to the drawing board. Like I said, not every idea is good, but even the bad ideas have value in the mere fact that you can learn what NOT to do. Sometimes the best way to learn how to do something is to learn how NOT to do something.
THE OUTLINE
Now that you know your idea is marketable, it's time to do some actual writing. But before you wield your writing tool of choice, you first need a plan. You wouldn't drive from Florida to California without some kind of map, would you (digital or otherwise)? Well, the outline, as boring as it sounds, serves as your 'map' for your book. You can't just start writing without knowing where your plot is headed. I hoped you saved that page of brainstormed ideas, because you're going to need it!
I suggest creating the outline on a computer, because when, not if, you need to add more information to it, you can have all the space you need for additions, revisions, and decisions. Also, use double-space so you can hand-write revisions in later if you happen to be away from the computer. I know the word 'outline' seems complicated, but don't worry about following the formats you followed in high school and college. This is YOUR project, and you won't be graded on it.
Here is a sample of a first outline draft for fiction:
My Book Title
I. Chapter One Title, or just "Chapter One."
A. Chapter Beginning-what do you hope will happen in this chapter?
1. Main Character attempts to accomplish a task.
2. Details
B. Middle-Conflict leading up to chapter climax.
1. Main Character encounters resistance by something, whether by villain, circumstances, or weather, etc.
2. Details
C. Chapter Climax
1. Main Character faces and deals with the resistance.
2. Details
D. Chapter aftermath and Ending.
2. Main Character, having solved his/her problem, is ready to move on to Chapter 2.
II. Chapter Two Title, or just "Chapter Two." (REPEAT AS FOR CHAPTER ONE)
And here is a sample of a first outline draft for non-fiction, such as a self-help book:
I. Chapter One-The Problem
A. Chapter Beginning, Middle, End
II. Chapter Two-The Solution, and How I Discovered It.
A. Chapter Beginning, Middle, End
III. Chapter Three-The Beginning of my Journey
A. Chapter Beginning, Middle, End
IV. Chapter Four-How to Use this Book.
A. Chapter Beginning, Middle, End
Obviously, a fiction book is going to be slightly more complex in structure than a non-fiction book because of all the tiny details such as character backstories, places, etc., but essentially, the process for each remains the same. The goal is to create a map for you to follow, a guide that you can write your manuscript from directly. Feel free to make these outlines as detailed as you want. The more detail you put in, the better you will get a feel for that world inside your head that is scratching at the inside of your skull, begging to come out. Speaking of things coming out, PRINT OUT YOUR OUTLINE AND PUT IT IN A SAFE PLACE! Alternatively, you can email a copy of it to yourself and keep it handy on your smartphone, but I find it easier and less battery-draining to have an actual copy I can touch, scratch things out on, and chicken-scratch new ideas in.
THE DREADED FIRST DRAFT
At last, we have arrived at the dock. Now it's time to put your foot on that gangplank, outline in hand, and begin penning that first draft. Keep your outline with you at ALL times when you are writing the draft. You'll be referring back to it more than you did with the instructions to that home gym, a piece of equipment that is probably still in six pieces on your basement floor.
Okay, so your laptop is up and running, a nice hot cup of coffee is near, and your outline is at hand. Now what? Create a save file for your book, one that you will keep all your chapters in, using the title of your book for the file name. It is much easier to keep all chapters in the same file, trust me. I tried it both ways, and opening a million files was never fun. Next, look at your outline and read the notes you put there regarding the first chapter. Everything you need to get started should be there. All you have to do now is expand the information.
Each chapter should start with a "hook" that will get the reader to glance beyond the first sentence. The hook should be making the reader ask, "But what happens next?" Here are three examples of good hooks:
From "Albert Perkins and the Lost City," by Lazarus Gray:
"It had been a long time since Albert 'Dr. Rocky' Perkins had seen the sky turn such an unusual array of colours, and certainly never in this locale." Immediately, you start to wonder, what's going to happen? A natural disaster? A hurricane? And will Albert Perkins live through it? Trust me, this is a great read, which you can find by clicking this link:
https://www.amazon.com/Albert-Perkins-Lost-Bootes-Chronicles-ebook/dp/B01M1O4R00/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528045086&sr=1-1&keywords=albert+perkins+and+the+lost+city
From "The Sinner," by Amanda Stevens
"The caged grave was an anomaly in Beaufort county. In all my cemetery travels, I'd come across only a handful of mortsafes, all of them in Europe. They were a Scottish invention, cleverly devised and manufactured in the early nineteenth century as a means of thwarting the nefarious grave robbers who dug up fresh human remains for profit." In this example, the hook could be the first sentence, or the first paragraph. In this case, it's both, and it not only serves to give the reader fascinating tidbits about graveyard history, it also makes them read more to see if the book contains more interesting facts. This book and the next are on my "to read" list.
From "Doll House," by Sam Campbell
"It rained the day of my mother's funeral." Short and sweet, yet so effective at pulling you in.
Once you have your hook, you can actually begin writing! Crazy, right? At this point, just let the outline guide you, and be sure that your chapter has the following:
Chapter Checklist
1. Chapter "hook" that pulls readers in.
2. Beginning, middle, end.
3. Conflict of some sort, followed by resolution.
4. End of chapter cliffhanger, making readers crave the next chapter
Every chapter should follow these basic guidelines. In the same way, your entire manuscript as a whole needs to follow them too, on a much larger scale. Chapters are like mini books of their own, each one leading up to the next and the next, until you have a whole book. It's kind of like an episode in your favorite television series. Each episode tells a little bit more of the story, until the entire story is told. What will your story tell?
How to Write a Book Part 3: the Wait, the Marketing, and Revising that First Draft
Alrighty...if you've made it to the stage where you've finished that very first draft of your book, the first thing you should do is celebrate. After all, many people start writing books, but few finish them. Take a guess...how many get to write "THE END?" A (beyond) pathetic 3 percent. That's it, folks. For those of you not so great at mathematics, for every 100 writers who begin writing a book, only three of them will stick it out to the end. That's more sad than the face your puppy makes when you tell him you're all out of bacon.
Even if you haven't managed to get this far in the writing process, you don't want to be in that 97% who dreamed, planned, and actually wrote something...only to never get it finished. I've known a number of authors with this problem. Their work is fantastic, like, good enough for me to be jealous even. And yet...they haven't finished the manuscript that they sweated and swore over and threw across the room for half a decade. They bled for their work, which will remain unseen forever unless they re-commit themselves to their craft. Don't be like these authors.
THE WAIT
And now...the moment you've been waiting for: just kidding. Unless you're waiting for Publisher's Clearing House to knock at your front door with that multi-million dollar check and a camera crew, there isn't a whole lot in life that's worth waiting for. Fortunately, waiting for your book to marinate is one of them. Yes, I said marinate. That's the term I use to describe that time period in which your book is in hibernation. Basically, it's saved to a file and put away where no eyes, not even yours, can look at it for three months.
Three months?! What are you supposed to be doing in that time? Well, resting on your laurels is not an option. Your book needs time to rest before it gets another dose of your brain.
Reasons Your Book Needs the Time to Marinate
1. Your brain needs a break from the mental hell you just put it through. Writing a book is an exhilarating boxing match for the human brain, draining and energizing in equal measure. It was fun. It was tough. It nearly made you swear off writing forever and do crocheting as your hobby. But you survived, and now you need a break. Your mind will be in a much better rested state for the grueling task of editing if you've had time to let the dust settle.
2. This is a good time to brush up on your marketing skills and habits...you know...all those things you didn't do because you were so busy finishing that first draft. Think about how you can balance marketing time and writing time, because you will need to make room for both of these eventually.
3. By the end of Marination Mode, you will have had time to "forget" a lot of what you wrote. Everyone knows that fresh eyes make the best editors (unless you really suck at grammar------then you're doomed), so the more fresh your work looks to you, the more the mistakes will stand out.
THE MARKETING----SOME QUICK TIPS
1. Pad your email list. Invite people to subscribe to your website.
2. Write high-quality articles to not only keep your pen in shape, but to attract email subscribers. Don't forget easy-to-find links, because people want everything at their fingertips these days, even online.
3. Update your website. Fix any outdated information, add new pages, photos, and videos. Keep it looking new and fresh to your current subscribers.
4. Make time for social media. Tweet on Twitter. Show your face on Facebook. Instigate on Instagram. If your cat has a blog, make her do a few posts. By the way, my cat does have a blog, which you can follow here if you feel the inclination:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/198856420752058/
See how I posted that link right here for your convenience? And for heaven's sake, get back in the loop with your writing groups. Now that you've actually finished writing a book, you might be able to inspire your fellow authors to do the same by announcing the completion of your first draft!
There are countless marketing tips out there that I haven't even mentioned. Since it's all too easy to get overwhelmed, it's sometimes best to start with the basics I've provided. After all, I used to be just as clueless about marketing as my mother-in-law was about family boundaries, but we are all teachable. I've certainly learned a lot on my own, and I'm happy to share it with you. One of the most important things I've learned about marketing is: Sell yourself, not your work. Yes, I know that sounds counter-productive (not to mention a bit provocative), but what that means in laymen's terms is: If people like you, they will buy anything you have for sale, sometimes whether or not it is something they will actually use. You will get much farther by making yourself into a likeable, approachable internet personality, versus the annoying author that keeps Tweeting, "Buy my book! Buy my book!" That author is more likely to get their book shoved down their throat. Now, I'm not saying you should never promote your work. What I am saying is that you should not become a spammer.
Now it's time to get down to the nitty-gritty: producing the second draft.
TURNING DRAFT 1 INTO DRAFT 2
This is the part where I'd ordinarily say, "Cue the Jaws theme music," but I'm sure you have your own musical version of what Hell sounds like. I'll guide you through the steps on how to get that horrible first draft transformed into something people will actually want to read. I'm not kidding----first drafts are always crap------I'm going to be honest with your right here and now. I don't care who you are or how many books you've written. The first draft will always be a big pile of brain vomit that will be in great need of organization, grammar fixes, and some plot tweaking (and in some cases, overhauling). But when all that is done, you'll end up with something rather beautiful, and getting there isn't so hard when you have a plan. Fortunately for you, I DO have a plan. Follow my steps below, and you'll be finishing that second draft before the next bad Star Wars movie installment can be fed to the public to milk them for more cash.
THE SECOND DRAFT IN 10 STEPS
1. Ensure that three months have passed since you even looked at your book. If they haven't, get your butt back to marketing! Not your actual butt.
2. Print out your manuscript. It's tempting to edit on a computer screen, but DON'T. You're not ready for that step yet. Stay with me now. You can do this. Just breathe.
3. Place Chapter 1 into a folder or binder with some blank notebook paper and a few pens. You now have everything you need to keep the pages organized, scribble some notes, make additions, etc. The reasoning behind this chapter segregation method is to break up the revising process into small chunks that become small goals. Little goals are easier to complete than big goals, as we all know. You are much more likely to want to edit a pile of 10-20 pages than the entire manuscript in one go. They are also much lighter to carry.
4. Read Chapter 1 all the way through, without fixing mistakes, editing, or making additions. This will give you an idea of how it flows, as well not interrupt your reading process. Pretend that you are a reader, not the author. Are you enjoying what you're reading?
5. On another day, re-read Chapter 1. This time, wield that pen and use it to indicate anything that needs to be changed, questioned, eliminated, researched, revised, or added. If you need to add an entire paragraph between two others, write the new paragraph on the notebook paper and indicate the page number it needs to go on, as well as what paragraph it comes after.
6. Chapter Checklist:
-does the chapter have its "hook" at the beginning?
-does it have a beginning, middle, climax, and ending?
-do scenes transition smoothly?
-does the dialogue sound natural, or forced?
-eliminate unnecessary characters, scenes, dialogue, or anything else that dams the flow of the events.
-are all grammatical errors fixed, or at least noted for further fact-checking/research?
7. Go into your computer file for Chapter 1 and implement all the changes you've made. Don't forget to save it in a new file with the words "draft 2" in there somewhere for clarity between file names. Throw away the mangled physical copy of Chapter 1, as you no longer need it. Print out the second draft of the no-longer-crap first chapter and keep it in your binder to use as reference, or your 'canon,' so to speak, making sure that it's clearly labelled as the second draft.
8. Pat yourself on the back for cleaning up an entire chapter! Now that you're familiar with the method, you can tackle Chapter 2 with confidence.
9. Repeat the above process for the remaining chapters of your book.
10. CELEBRATE!!! YOU HAVE COMPLETED DRAFT 2!!!
Some Useful Tips to Keep You From Losing Your Mind While Editing
-Try to set the goal of editing two chapters per month, and BE CONSISTENT. Even better-----one chapter per week. You want to keep the information fresh in your mind so you won't have to keep flipping through endless pages trying to remember what you edited six months ago.
-Realize that this WILL get easier the more often you do it. I ought to know-----I've been writing for 22 years.
-Don't be hard on yourself. You wrote a frickin' BOOK, for cryin' out loud. Do you know just how huge an accomplishment that is?!!!! Some people can't even commit to writing a one-page letter. You, on the other hand, just emptied an enormous chunk of your mind onto your computer screen.
-Even editing a few sentences a day with your morning coffee will add up to entire chapters over time. Don't believe me? How else do you think I found the time to edit my books and all these blog posts? I have a life just like everyone else. I work 40 hours a week, have a family, and plenty of other keen interests besides the marvels of pen and paper.
I realize that all writers have different ways of producing their creative work. My guidelines are simply ideas to help you get started and achieve your current writing goals. While I hope you will gain a lot of insight from my articles, it's even more important that you develop your own skills and ideas for creative writing.
We all have to use the methods that work best for us as individuals. What works for me may not work for you, and that's perfectly fine. I'm sure that many of you have incredible shortcuts and tips that I haven't thought of. I'd really like to hear about them in the comments, and I'm certain that other writers would like to read them too. Please feel free to share this article with other authors you know—it could be the one thing keeping them from finishing that book!
On a final note...
If you have questions, I will answer them. I am here to help you, because I was in your place once, and it was a tougher road than a winding hill during a blizzard with bald tires. Some days, I made myself put in the extra effort and traversed a few miles. Other days, it was just a few feet. But I kept going down the path, and I eventually got somewhere. So will you.
How to Write a Book Part 4: Beta Readers and the Third Draft
Well, you've cleared the first few hurdles of producing a finished book, but now it's time to really dig in and stay strong until the end.
I warned you, didn't I?
If you're new to my book-writing series, welcome, and please check out previous installments. If you've survived the book-creation process up to now, you deserve a high-five, and perhaps a shot o' whiskey. Make that the whole bottle even, because you just conquered a form of hell on earth.
Finishing the writing of a book can feel like inheriting a million dollars, but is your manuscript truly ready to be set loose on the unsuspecting public?
Probably not.
This is where the beta reader comes in. I like to think of them as a firing squad aimed right at your book. You never know which one of them is shooting blanks, and which ones have genuine bullets that seek and destroy. The ones with the real bullets can be deadly.
Let's talk about the Blanky Crew. These guys are your friends. They love your book, yet will tell you what you need to do to make them love it even more. What's more, they won't make you cry. Perhaps your book has a great plot, but the characters are a bit flat. Or maybe you've created characters that are real enough to strangle you from the pages they're birthed from, yet the world they inhabit has less color than Dorothy's Kansas. In other words, you just need to do some tweaking and squeaking to turn that book into something awesome. You're on the Yellow Brick Road, and that's good.
What's not good is the feedback you'll be getting from the Bullet Brigade. Populated by barbs, wit, and the occasional troll, these people will tear your book to shreds like lions feasting at a kill. You might as well cut out your own heart and serve it up steaming hot on your grandmother's heirloom china, because they're just gonna rip it out of your chest anyway. This is where writers need to dig through the closet to don that thick skin that is buried in there somewhere under the cracker crumbs and moldy science experiments that are starting to grow hair.
Ferocious as the Bullet Brigade may be, some of their feedback has merit. It's up to you to separate the crap from the constructive.
The Crap
Usually written by trolls, these comments are most recognizable by the fact that they will tell you that your book sucks, but they do not tell you why your book sucks. They are just throwing garbage at the ceiling fan only for the fun of watching where it flies before the flies that actually fly arrive. (Kudos to you if you worked that one out.) These idiots make it their mission to get their degree as Certified Annoyers of People, or CAPS. These CAPS need to roll under the couch and stay there.
The Constructive
This is very similar to crap, but what distinguishes the constructive feedback from the crap is the Constructoids' ability to explain WHY your book is crap.
As dismal as it sounds to hear your book described as something on par with cow manure, there is one good thing you should remember: crap is useful. Yes, you heard me. It's dead useful, for the following reasons.
Why Crap is Useful (at least in writing)
1. Writing crap can help you get all the beginner kinks out of your system. Like rinsing out a dusty wine glass before it gets filled with Apothic Inferno, it's smart to flush the bad stuff out so that good stuff can go in. You wouldn't want to drink coffee before removing the grinds, right? But the grinds are what creates coffee in the first place. Use, then lose.
2. It serves as a teaching tool. When you learn to recognize the mistakes you're making in writing (such as my horrible overuse of the hyphen------just call me The Hyphenator), you'll eventually learn to stop making them. You won't forget these mistakes if beta readers keep pointing them out, either, so consider this an advantage.
3. Crap makes the best fertilizer. Sprinkled here and there, you never know what can grow from it. You might have flat characters (crap), but if you have a great plot, the characters can be overhauled until the whole story blooms.
How to Find Beta Readers
1. Remember those writing groups on social media I told you to join? You now have thousands of people at your disposal to ask for their feedback on your book. There are even groups that make beta reading their main focus. Seek ye them out!
2. Don't ask your friends and family to beta read for you. They will not tell you the truth. They will tell you your book is good, even if it's crap. Though crap has its uses, it won't help you here.
3. Seek out book reviewers on their websites, but be sure to read their criteria for reviewing books. They have their preferences like anyone else, and will not appreciate being bullied into reading a genre that they hate. Besides, why would you want someone who hates your genre to read your book? They wouldn't do it justice. They also would likely have little experience reading other books in that genre, resulting in the fact that they would have very few books like that to compare it to.
The Third Draft and the Pretty Packaging
Now that you've received plenty of feedback, what you want to do next is to set your manuscript aside for a month or two while you work on your next project. When the month is up, pull out the manuscript and edit it once more, getting rid of the stuff beta readers hated, and perhaps vamping up what they loved. Run a spell check. For the love of God, why don't they have a hyphen check for The Hyphenator? Next, you ought to have it professionally edited and formatted if you can afford it. If you can't afford it, now you have something to save up for that actually pays off in the end. No book is ever perfectly without error, but you can at least make sure you did your very best, because a badly edited book just looks like you didn't care enough, like you just slap-banged something together and said "Buy it!"
Speaking of looking like you actually cared about the production of your book, now it's time to start shopping for cover art designers. Writers may know how to create entire worlds with nothing but a pen in their hands, but when it comes to designing book covers, they're often clueless as to what belongs on their book cover. You need someone who knows what cover elements indicate certain genres. Here are some examples of what you'll likely see on book covers of the following categories:
Romance: a scantily-dressed couple in a heavy makeout session.
Fantasy: Swords, mythical creatures, male or female warriors.
Science Fiction: Aliens, space ships, cyborgs, oh my!
Memoirs, biographies, and autobiographies: Large photo of the person being written about dominating the front cover.
Historical fiction: image of the main character in a dramatic pose, gazing off into the horizon.
Humor and Satire: Plain background with a single floating image, like mine.
I could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea. If you need some more inspiration, visit a book store and spend some time looking at the covers in your genre. That's what I did. It didn't cost me anything (unless you count the hefty sum I spent on other books like the deluxe hardcover version of The Princess Bride). Really, I need to stay out of the book stores.
How do you choose a cover designer? Begin by researching people who actually have experience designing book covers, ones with track records you can view on their websites. Just because someone is a fantastic artist, it doesn't mean that they have a flair for design. You want your book to sell, so the cover must be made attractive enough to get someone's attention, yet provide an indication of the genre and age group. I'll probably do another post on this topic alone, so stay tuned.
It's an unsurprising fact that pretty books sell. I admit it----I have bought books just because the covers were stunning pieces of artwork. When you're hunting for a designer, their work must be such that the covers they created practically yank your hand to that BUY NOW button. If you find the covers compelling enough to purchase books you will probably never read in this or the next lifetime, you've probably found your designer. Next, you might want to look at the books where they're sold online and see how many reviews they have. Lots of reviews means lots of sales, which probably were in part due to having pretty packaging.
How to Write a Book, Part 5: Choosing Your Publishing Route
You’ve finally finished thatthorn in your side book that you’ve been working on for the last few forevers. You’ve sweated your way through the first draft, cried through the long hours of editing and possible drinking binges, and hopefully revelled in the praise from your beta readers. You even wrestled your way through that final, skin-tearing draft that had you contemplating why you ever became a writer in the first place.
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Now that your book is complete (well, at least that’s what I’m assuming---if not, please see my previous articles for help in getting there), the next step, after celebrating the fact that you’re now in the 3% of people who have started and finished writing a book, is to decide whether you want to be traditionally published, or self-published. There’s also this other kind of hybrid publishing called “hybrid publishing” of all things, but that’s a post for another time.
Both types of publishing venues have their share of strengths and weaknesses. Knowing these can help you to decide which route is right for you. As for me, I prefer self-publishing primarily for the fact that I’m a control-freak and self-publishing allows me to, well, control every aspect of creating a book from start to finish. It also means I have to work my butt off a lot harder than those who traditionally publish, but read on and you’ll know why self-publishing is for me.
Traditional Advantages:
-You might get an advance on your royalties. Royalties are your book earnings, for those of you unfamiliar with the term. They say you learn something new every day, right? An advance isn’t part of your paycheck so much as it’s a sort of loan. Your first book sales pay the publisher back for it, and only after this is done will you start to earn your actual money. Don’t expect advances to be huge, especially if this is your first publication. Publishers only invest the big bucks on their cash cows, and right now, you’re just an unborn calf.
-Some of your book marketing is done for you. Emphasis on some. You will still have to do a lot of it throughout your writing career, but at least some of it is taken care of for you in this case.
-You get to see your book in brick-and-mortar stores as well as online, which is rather thrilling. For me, this is the only real advantage of being traditionally published. Indie authors can get into book stores too, if (a really BIG 'if') they can prove that their book sells well. That too, is a post for another time. Why do I get the feeling that I’m going to be saying that a lot in this article?
-The formatting, editing and cover design is all done for you. These things can be a real pain in the ass if you choose to do them yourself, but no one ever said they write books for the money, right? Well, maybe those so-called “authors” who make a living off of what they pay ghostwriters.
Traditional Drawbacks:
-If your book doesn’t sell, you may have to give back part (or even all) of the advance you were paid. Also, the publisher will be more reluctant to publish more of your work.
-You still will be responsible for a large part of the marketing. Most publishers blow the majority of their marketing budget on their big-name authors. You know. The cows. Basically, any author you’ve heard of is who I’m talking about.
-Your writing, once signed over to a publisher, will basically be under the whims of that publisher. This means that you will have very little, if any creative control about the cover design, and they may also change some of the content because they think that is what readers want. You need to ask yourself if you’re okay with relinquishing so much control over your “baby” that you’ve likely spent years creating. I am not one who can give up that kind of control, especially since many of my books are part of a series or two, and any small change could start a ripple effect that could be disastrous for the books that haven't been written yet, once they materialize of course.
-Though your book has more exposure, your royalties will be lower. Nothing quite like getting ten to fifteen percent of the cover price for every book you sell, right? So, if your book costs $15, you'll only be making anywhere from $1.50-$2.00 per copy sold. Considering the fact that it probably took you years to write it, this is a pretty crappy return on your invested time. This is one reason the most successful authors in the business have ten books or more in print. If you’re not in this for the long haul, it’s going to be a lot more difficult to make this your full-time job some day, so you really need to think about what’s important to you.
-The long wait time; it takes anywhere from one to two years for a book to go from publisher acceptance to a store shelf, because it has to go through editing, formatting, cover design, and marketing.
-This is the disadvantage I hate most: books go out of print if they don't sell well. To me, it's like taking the only copy of your book and chucking it right into a volcano with the words, "Well, we tried."
Self-publishing Advantages
-No barriers. No agents to query, no months of waiting for them to possibly never respond back. The gates are wide open. This means that anyone can be published, from a five-year-old with no writing experience, to your neighbor’s cousin’s sister’s daughter-in-law that never read a book a day in their life, yet thinks she can now call herself an author after producing a single ebook that has never seen the benefits of editing, or even a second draft for that matter. Probably hasn’t seen Spell Check either. This is why the indie book market is primarily filled with bad books that no publisher would ever touch. Thank God for Amazon reviews, because that's the only way to separate the wheat from the chaff.
-Speed. You can write "The End" to your book today, and have a physical copy in your hands in as little as a week, even sooner if you choose to fork over one-day shipping fees (which I don’t advise). However, a book needs at least two or three rounds of editing, followed by beta reading to make it in any way marketable. All these things are absolutely necessary before deciding that your manuscript is ready for publication. Heck, I’ve become so meticulous with everything I write that even my blog posts get edited several times before making them live.
-Control. You are in charge of the entire empire here. Consider yourself a one-person publishing house, because not only do you control the content, marketing, and cover design of your book, but you get to do it all too. Don’t worry; it’s still not too late to become a dentist.
Self-publishing Drawbacks
-No advance on your earnings, and you will be the one to fork over the cash needed to get your book printed. This can range anywhere from twenty-dollar single copies, to publishing “packages” that can cost upwards of ten thousand dollars. I recommend you stay away from the higher-priced ones. Stick with the ones that only charge you for the copies you buy, that don’t require a minimum purchase amount.
-Unless your book turns out to be a great seller, your indie book, by default, has no shot at getting sold in bookstores. Book chains only want to stock merchandise that will make them money. Understandable. Never forget that authoring is a business.
-Marketing, marketing, marketing. Get ready to build a website, start a Youtube channel, write a blog, or go nuts with social media...any way you can possibly earn followers that doesn’t involve bribery. Hopefully, these followers will subscribe to your email newsletter, which is one of the best proven ways to sell anything. If you have a degree in business management, this will help you out in this department. Forget taking creative writing in college...take marketing instead! If only I’d known that would one day become the future of the publishing industry, I would have taken a lot less art classes.
Stay tuned for Part 6, which will cover query letters and agents!
The following is miscellaneous data from my website that I wanted to save.
Welcome to Holly Hollow, a little town with big secrets, where the line between the living and the dead is always wavering.
Are you brave enough?
Click to learn more!
Picture a remote town in the mountains with a small population and a large amount of supernatural activity, and you get Holly Hollow, a place steeped in hundreds of years of American history. This is a place where the dead occasionally make themselves known to the living, residing in the ancient graveyard on the mountain slope above the town. But it is not only the dead who haunt this region that is so closely tied to the next world. Others with access to both worlds will try to move the pieces of the chess board as well, and change the lives of the residents of Holly Hollow forever with their refusal to leave things as they are. Would you live here?
from the mind of author Andria Redlin
Indie Book Review Policies
Please read these guidelines carefully before contacting me, and click here to check out my past reviews:
I only review self-published books. Let's face it: the big-time famous authors don't need my help to get sales, but indie authors who don't have access to a huge marketing budget do. Authors helping authors. That's what I'm here for. For more information about me and my books, please click here.
I do two types of reviews: written and video, though I'm beginning to lean more toward video. If you don't see your genre on the list of books I like, please contact me and make an inquiry on the contact form:
If I'm interested, I will contact you.
Your book will be given a thorough reading and an honest review. If I don't like your book, I will write to you and tell you what's wrong with it to help you fix it. Don't worry; I won't bite your head off. If at some point you write a new draft and wish me to review it again, let me know. For help with writing, please click here.
If I DO like your book, it will get a video review that will be posted here on my site and social media accounts, sent to my email subscribers, and of course featured on my Youtube channel.
Top of Form
Bottom of Form
Genres I do NOT read, which are subject to change:
-Erotica
-Romance
-Science Fiction
-Adult Fantasy
-Picture Books
-Self Help
-Travel
-Health
-Religion, Spirituality, or New Age
-Science
-Political
-LGBT
-Anything with zombies or vampires, but I like ghosts.
Genres that I MIGHT read upon inquiry, which are subject to change:
-Mystery
-Horror
-Historical Fiction
-Comic Books
-Poetry
-Memoir, Biography, or Autobiography
-Various Non-fiction
Genres that I DO read:
-Various Middle School/YA fiction
-Art/Craft how-to books
-History
-Journals
-Satire
-True Crime
-Coffee Table Books
-Ghost Stories
-Coming-of-age
-Animals
-Cookbooks
The Characters of For Her Courage
Samantha O'Callahan is a rather unusual 14-year old girl growing up just after the turn of the century. Highly creative and talented, she wonders if her gifts will go to waste if she follows the rules of society and ignores her dreams of following in her grandfather's footsteps as a master toymaker. She will have to rely on her inner strength to face the challenges ahead of her as tragedy strikes hard at the center of her family.
Belinda Jane O'Callahan is rather a mystery to the townsfolk of Holly Hollow in that her origins are completely unknown. Distrusted by them at first, she soon won them over by her rare ability to solve the disputes of those around her. She has a very close relationship with her granddaughter Samantha.
Callidus O'Callahan is a famous toy maker who trains Samantha in secret, as his sons have no interest or skill in the craft. He and his wife Belinda Jane have had a long and happy marriage together, but nothing can prepare him for the sour turn their life is about to take.
The Characters of The Ruffian Redeemer
Alfred Owens is a the troubled teen leader of a small group of boys that does little else than cause trouble for the town of Holly Hollow during the early years of The Great Depression. He was once a good person, but that young man has become overshadowed by his will to survive in a world that caused his younger brother's death due to poverty.
Frank and Fanny Owens are alfred's parents, and they have almost completely given up on their son. They wish he would just be the good kid they used to know, but now that he's an adult, there is little they can do to mold him.
Lawrence Layton is Alfred' best friend, and one of the few people of his acquaintance that can Keep Alfred from going too far in his illegal exploits. It's due to Lawrence's guidance that has probably kept the group out of prison for many years, but it's only a matter of time before things get out of control.
Barnes Billings is the bully of the gang of six boys, and he's also the dumbest. He constantly picks on Stephen Hastings, their youngest member, and only takes orders from his brother Wally if he's not taking them from Alfred.
Wally Billings is one of the few who can control the behavior of his erratic and foolish brother Barnes, but Barnes has a strong will of his own, which, when manifested, will change the course of their lives permanently.
Craig Ferguson is in the group mainly because he has little else to do in a small town that has few jobs available. He dreams of working for the local newspaper, The Holly Hollow Herald.
Stephen Hastings is 12 years old, and is the punching bag of Barnes when Alfred is not there to protect him. He has a bit of a timid personality, but a person can only be pushed so far before they discover they have a backbone and push back...
Sophia Hastings, Stephen's 10-year old sister, is anything but a pushover, but she has a good heart. She and her brother have a good relationship, mainly because she is one of the few people besides Alfred who listens to him.
My name is Alfred Owens, and I will do anything it takes to protect the ones I love, even if it means breaking the law...
In the midst of the Great Depression, a young convict will come face-to-face with the monster within him. Literally. Will he survive the encounter?
Meet the Characters here:
Sometimes, we must die to be reborn.
Meet the gang!
Get your copy of The Ruffian Redeemer here:
For Her Courage
Get the ebook!
Get it in hardcover!
Get it in paperback!
Introduction:
The first book to be written in the Holly Hollow series, For Her Courage is a coming-of-age story with many real-life themes in a make-believe setting. It is not only about learning to follow your passion without forgetting to help those in need along the way, but it also deals with loss and grief. We also learn that sometimes, all it takes is a single unselfish act to change someone's life forever.
Plot Summary:
All 14-year old Samantha O'Callahan wants to do is become a master toy maker like her grandfather. In 1909, a time when girls aren't allowed to chase their dreams, she must learn the craft of a toy maker in secret. But then a day comes in which Samantha's skills are put to the test in a matter of life and death. Will she find the courage to do what needs to be done? Will her wish be fulfilled? Find out in this exciting story about self-sacrifice and triumph over tragedy.
The Books
Each book in the series takes place in a different era of American history. For Her Courage begins in 1909, and The Ruffian Redeemer in 1932, but the books can be read in any order. Plans for at least two more books are in the works.
The Town
Holly Hollow is a small American town that dates back to the 1500's, according to Andria's imagination. Founded by a lonely young man whose origins are unknown, it began as a single homestead, growing in population and buildings throughout the past five hundred years. It rests in a remote valley surrounded by mountains, rivers, caves, and green forests.
The Graveyard
Said to be the source of all the paranormal activity reported over the centuries, the Holly Hollow Graveyard is home to many spirits who travel between the realms of the living and the dead as easily as going to the next room of a home. Why the graveyard is so rife with paranormal visitation is unknown, but many of the locals don't mind, especially since the place is high up on a hill a respectable distance away.
"Andria, what's that in your coffee?"
This question is either accompanied by a look of disbelief, or complete confusion. Sometimes both.
I recently became aware of a coffee trend that is slowly gaining traction in the land of the health nuts. You may or may not have heard of "bulletproof coffee," which is hot coffee blended with MCT oil and unsalted grass-fed butter.
The first time I tried it, I was not sold. I don't know if I just didn't put enough butter in or what, but it was very strange to me. Likely it's because I usually prefer my coffee tall, dark, and handsome. This ultra-fatty, frou-frou brew took a lot of getting used to, but the second time I tried it, I was hooked.
For the record, I blame my mother for this. But it's a good kind of blame.
The Components, and How They Work Together for Your Body
Grass-fed Butter and MCT Oil
Contrary to what we've all been spoon-fed by the FDA, your body needs a good deal of fat to properly process energy. Our hunter-gatherer ancestors survived on very little grains, some protein, and a LOT of fats. Basically, turn the American food pyramid upside down and you'll get the right proportions. Instead of eating tons of grains, which are meant for animals with four stomachs, we are supposed to consume 10% carbohydrates, 20% protein, and 70% healthy fats for the optimum energy burn, weight control, and overall well-being. Grass-fed butter in your morning coffee can help you start your day with the energy you need.
Now, before you tell me how gross that sounds, just remember that butter is made of cream, and we put plenty of that in our coffee. Salted or unsalted is completely up to you, but I prefer mine salted. I happen to like Kerrygold's Grass-fed Butter because it's not expensive and also widely available in my area.
Because butter is a short and medium-chain triglyceride fat, which means that it burns slowly like high-quality coal. Slow, sustained energy keeps you from crashing later in the day. Combined with MCT oil (refined coconut oil that is liquid at room temperature), you'll find that your energy is high and your appetite shrinks, meaning that you're less likely to overeat at mealtime. Carbohydrate-rich meals, yes, even the "healthier" ones like steel-cut oatmeal, brown rice, and quinoa, burn quickly, but leave you crashing. A murderous appetite soon follows, and soon you'll be tearing apart your kitchen, looking for anything to stop those raging hunger pains. It's like throwing hay in the stove. (Thank you, Mom, for the coal and hay analogy!)
BULLETPROOF® COFFEE RECIPE
Recipe by Dave Asprey, bulletproofexec.com
- Brew 1 cup (8-12 oz.) of coffee using filtered water, just off the boil, with 2 1/2 heaping tablespoons freshly ground Bulletproof® Coffee Beans. (French Press is easiest.)
- Add in 1-2 tablespoons of Brain Octane™(a commercial example of medium chain triglyceride — or MCT — oil) to the hot coffee.
- Add 1-2 tablespoons grass-fed, unsalted butter or ghee (most commonly available brand seems to be Kerrygold).
- Mix it all in a blender for 20-30 seconds until it is frothy like a foamy latte.
How it Tastes, and How I Make Mine:
I actually prefer my "bulletproof coffee" in layers. I've tried it blended before, and though my mother swears that "blending takes it to a whole new level," I have a soft spot for that buttery layer on top. To me, this coffee is like a fancy coffeehouse drink. I have always been a breakfast eater, but this coffee has completely eliminated my need for food (read: CARBS!) in the morning. Believe it or not, it keeps me going for at least four hours, and I no longer get hit with those horrible mid-morning hunger pains like I used to. I can now take a later lunch, eat less at that time, and keep my weight down.
I doubt I'll be running any 10K marathons soon, but at least I've found a way to stave off those hunger pains. If you're a person with a naturally large appetite, this could be one of the fundamentals you need to drop those extra pounds, think more clearly, and shine like the sun at your job. Until next time!
If you found this article helpful, I encourage you to share it with a friend who needs it, and don't forget to subscribe to my Lock, Stock, & Barrel blog so you don't miss ANY of my articles and videos. It's just a little bit of everything delivered once a month to your inbox, so no flooded inboxes!
What Lies in Mount Fuji’s Shadow: Aokigahara, the “Suicide Forest” of Japan
Disclaimer
If you, or anyone else you know is contemplating suicide, please click the link at the bottom of this post to find your local suicide hotline number in your area. No one wants you to die. There are those who are willing to talk to you and give you the strength to keep going. A reason to live can be as close as a text message or just one prayer away. You only get one life, and it’s worth saving.
Aokigahara is a place of both death and beauty. The name means “The Sea of Trees.” It has stood for a thousand years, a twisted, tangled jungle where few wild animals, but many tenacious spiders, make their homes. Located near the base of Mount Fuji on the island of Honshu in Japan, Aokigahara lies just northwest of the mountain and covers 13.51 square miles. Sound small? You haven’t ventured inside…
If you do, don’t leave the path.
According to legend, people centuries ago were taken to the forest and left to die during times of famine. A place so filled with death eventually became known as the Suicide Forest. Japan has the eighteenth highest rate of suicide in the world as of 2018, which means about 30,000 people take their lives there per year. Though the most common cause is likely a lack of mental health services in Japan, there is also the fact that they do not like to make their personal problems known, preferring to keep their feelings private. They also see suicide differently than those in the West. In Japanese culture, suicide has been seen as an honorable way to die for hundreds, if not thousands of years.
The main trail, popular for tourists, is marked by guideposts to help you leave safely, as well as signs that discourage you from ending your life. But for those who choose to stray from the path, leaving can be difficult, if not impossible. In the seemingly endless and silent forest, it is easy to lose one’s way. If getting lost off the trail is not frightening enough, there is also the chance that you will encounter a person who was once alive, forgotten and alone.
It is estimated that the remains of at least a hundred people are removed from the forest every year by police and others who are charged with the sad task of finding the bodies in various states of decomposition. Japanese authorities no longer publicize the numbers in hope that this will decrease the appeal of taking one’s life in a famous place.
The forest bears many signs of human presence. Traces of nooses can often be found off the path, with strips of plastic ribbon leading the way. The ribbons, which have become a sort of trademark of Aokigahara, are tied to the trees by suicide victims (before they died) to act as a breadcrumb trail to find their way out if they choose to live. They also serve as pathways to the dead by those who remove them.
Most of the dead have become so by hanging. Others take their life by overdosing on drugs or by cutting their wrists open. No matter how these people created their sad and lonely ends, their remains are at the mercy of Mother Nature until they are found, if they are ever found at all. The ashes of those lucky to be found are slowly running out of space in the buildings that house the unidentified dead, waiting to be claimed by their families.
The Japanese believe that the forest is haunted by none other than the ghosts of those who have died here. They claim to hear wails of lament, growls, and cries, especially at night.
Aside from the most obvious danger of losing your way, Aokigohara is filled with hidden dangers. The ground itself is rocky and uneven, being composed of volcanic rock that can’t be dug into, and the magnetic properties of it make cell phone service difficult to sustain. One false step can result in an injured ankle or a broken arm. Then there are the spiders. These creatures, though small, routinely build webs large enough to block the pathway. Tourists are advised not to venture in the forest after the sun sets. If you choose to do so, beware of not bringing enough batteries.
The forest monitors have made good progress in talking would-be victims out of making the wrong choice. Suicide hotline numbers posted on signs throughout the forest are often utilized by those who need them, proving very effective in lowering the numbers of those who take their lives, saving about twenty people per year.
Other people of a more creative nature try in their own way to convince those who wish to die to change their mind. Kyochi Watanabe, Ice Cave manager and a musician who lives and works near the infamous forest, plays his guitar and sings outside every night. He says that, “When I sing or play music, sometimes people who are in the forest change their minds and walk out. I thought if I would continue to play music here, people would stop killing themselves.”----from the documentary “Undercover Asia: Saving the Suicide Forest.” Link below.
One of the saddest things about depression is that many people are good at hiding it. They go through life pretending that everything is fine, yet underneath their smile is a dam of tears waiting to burst. What we all need to learn is how to recognize the telltale signs that are not quite as obvious as being “out of sorts.”
I’ve linked a few articles here if you want to check out the not-so-obvious signs of depression:
https://www.romper.com/p/13-little-habits-that-could-be-signs-of-depression-because-the-condition-is-subtle-58810
https://weather.com/health/news/19-signs-youre-depressed-and-dont-know-it-20140116
https://drmargaretrutherford.com/the-ten-characteristics-of-perfectly-hidden-depression/
If you suspect you have some of these characteristics of depression, PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE AND GET HELP. If you know someone who is depressed, be there for them. Cheer them up. Share a joke (but not at their expense). Make them a batch of cookies as a surprise. Ask them out for coffee with friends. Invite them to church. Bottom line? They need to know they matter, that someone cares. It can make the difference between them choosing to die or choosing to live.
Help them choose life.
Video--à Undercover Asia: Saving the Suicide Forest
https://vimeo.com/91924514
International Suicide Hotlines:
http://suicideprevention.wikia.com/wiki/International_Suicide_Prevention_Directoryhttps://drmargaretrutherford.com/the-ten-characteristics-of-perfectly-hidden-depression/Love to #hashtag?
Adventures of the Book Dragon: What My Library Currently Looks Like
My mother swears that I was born with a book in each hand, and probably one in my mouth as well since I lacked a third arm. I discovered books even before I could walk, which is likely the reason I spoke at least a year before learning to walk. Fast-forward 35 years, and I now have enough books to create a fire hazard any arsonist would be proud of. My old friend and fellow author Deborah Glaefke Gilbert once said of her enormous book collection, "If books could breathe, we'd suffocate." I'm not running out of oxygen yet, but I am starting to run out of wall space in my attic office. Don't believe me? Check it out:
Not surprisingly, as an author, I have a whole forest full of books. It wasn't until I was unpacking them all from my recent move that I discovered that quite a significant percentage of said books are, shall we say, NBRs? In Andria-speak, that means Never Been Read. I suppose it could also mean No Brain Reactions, but we'll stick to the current topic. My point is, to save on both space and prevent a possible divorce, I really need to "read 'em and weed 'em." My plan for this year (and possibly the next) is to read every NBR book I own, decide which ones are worth keeping, and which ones need to be donated, sold, or burned. What kind of can of worms have I just opened? Oh wait------that would be bookworms. Nonetheless, I have plans for some serious reading time this year (and possibly the next).
How many books do YOU have that are classified as NBRs? As for me, my estimate is well over a hundred, because a hundred is what I stopped the count at. Yes, I just counted a hundred books in my library that have never been read, or even started. Ho. Ly. Crap. And I blame it all on the library book sales and possibly my mother. About two times a year, I walk into the unsuspecting public library and come out with forty books for under forty bucks. Somehow, I never remember to pay my library fees, yet the library still manages to suck money out of me with those oh-so-tempting book sales that promise incredible mental getaways for fifty cents. I must have more books. There is no such thing as too many books. I am the book dragon, and my brain cells are on fire.
Though my thirst for more books is unquenchable (and deplorable since I haven't yet replaced my broken bookshelves that fell apart due to cheap construction and one frustrated husband who had to move them), I have learned to become a bit more choosy with book selection. I only buy a book if I really, really want to read it. I used to just buy them for the pretty covers, which is sort of how I buy my wine. Admit it-----you've done it too!
10 Reasons it's Better to Watch Motor Racing at Home
I think I have at last found a sport I hate more than football. Motor Racing. And I wouldn't even consider racing a sport. It doesn't involve running, shooting, dribbling, throwing, passing balls, or swinging sticks to hit them with. If racing is a sport, than so is knitting. At least that one involves balls and sticks.
I mean, if motor racing is a sport, then why hasn't it been in the Olympics since 1900? Now that we've established that racing is in fact, not a sport according to my classifications (read: after-fact-checking-that-verifies-that-it-does-involve-extreme-physical-exertion-yet-I-still-don't-care), I can tell you why I think it's a big, expensive waste of time to see it in person vs. seeing it on television.
WHY IT'S BETTER ON TELEVISION
1. You don't have to drive halfway across the country to see the big event. All you have to do is turn on your television, press a few buttons, crack open a beer, and if you're feeling adventurous, whip up a pot of chili. No gas money down the drain, no highway tolls, and no traffic--------just you, your buddies, and your poison of choice.
2. You don't have to pay for parking or spend an hour walking in the hot sun just to get to the track itself. We parked in row "N," had to walk all the way to row "A," then walk the same distance back to even get to the track entrance upon arrival. After hiking up to our seats, we then had to repeat the experience in order to leave the place. This problem could have easily been avoided if there were tunnels or walkways where you could cut through, instead of having to walk around the entire track to get where you needed to go.
3. You don't have to sell your children to pay for the food you'll eat. We paid three dollars for every bottle of water we swigged down yesterday at the race track. With it being hot and sunny, you can imagine how much we went through. For three people, we spent thirty bucks on lunch consisting of one food item each (which did not fill us up) and three bottles of water. Later on, we spent another eighteen bucks on water, one ice cream, and a small mango smoothie. We blew about seventy bucks on food, which left us nothing to use on souvenirs. Not that we were about to pay 26 dollars for a baseball hat that was made in China anyway.
4. Better bathroom facilities. You would think that under the following true conditions...
-the race track is raking in more gold than Scrooge McDuck in his money pit.
-the races have been held there for over FORTY years.
-bad smells tend to grow worse in the summer heat.
-Andria Redlin was going to be dragged to said track against her will (and better judgement).
...that we ought to have better places to pee than porta-pottys by now. It's 2018, people. Gone are the days when we in America must aim for a smelly hole in the ground. Even the local fairground has real bathrooms, bathrooms that don't shake when you enter them, have the required elements of hand washing, and don't have brown stains smeared on the insides of the doors. I'm literally starting to get queasy as I write this. Trust me, you are better off at home.
5. You don't get burnt to cinders by the sun.
I don't care how much sunscreen you bathe in. You will miss a spot. This spot will turn shades of red you didn't know existed, burn like hot pepper juice for a few days, then peel like a snake skin, leaving you with a brown outline that will probably take a year to go away, depending on how bad the damage was. Oh and by the way, I just read that sunscreen causes skin cancer. Enjoy your summer.
https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/causes-of-skin-cancer/
6. Commercials actually come in handy. Whether you need to stretch your legs, eat, pee, or refill your beer mug, you can do it all without missing any of the action on television. Unless you like being bombarded by ads of course.
7. You can avoid the crowds. At home, there are no bathroom lines, no super-tall people blocking your view, and no chance of getting lost (unless you live in a McMansion). You also don't have to deal with screaming drunk people that like to take their clothes off, unless you look into a mirror. Sorry-----I just had to do that. You never know who you'll be sitting next to at an event. This was my seatmate:
8. Risk of boredom between-races is eliminated. The business of television is to entertain, so there is always something to watch while awaiting the next race. Not being a race fan, this was a huge one for me. Two cars would race every five minutes or so, but in between that we spent our time broiling in the sun, straining our ears to hear the announcer guy. In addition to that, I was lamenting all the time I could have spent at home writing my sixth book. Truly.
9. Your seat is always a good one, and not just because it's your couch. And you didn't even have to pay extra for it. Our "poor-man's seats" were a whopping sixty bucks a ticket. At least when you watch the race at home, the cameras follow the cars as they progress down the track, give you great closeups for the race itself, driver interviews and plenty of other things to keep you occupied while waiting for the next pair of cars to come zooming down the track.
10. If racing isn't your cup of java, you can just leave the room and find something more fun to do, like cleaning the oven. Dealing with all the above-mentioned annoyances is tough enough when you're actually a fan. It's another rotten pile of garbage altogether when you're dragged to the racetrack when you didn't want to go in the first place.
The sad thing is, I wish I liked racing and other sports. I wish I could see the thrill, enjoy the event, and feel the excitement. But I can't. It's not my thing, nor will it ever be. I get about as much pleasure from sports as a man would get from a bikini wax, though without the excessive amount of pain. So why did I go? I think I was tricked.
I hope you enjoyed this article as much as I don't enjoy sports.
Work Woes
A few days ago, I was guaranteed to be left stranded at the side of the road if I didn't put some gas into my car. I prefer to do a once-a-week fill up, but occasionally I have to stop at the gas station two times in a week to get fuel, solely because by the time I reach the end of my bi-weekly pay period, I've got less than twenty bucks to my broke-as-hell name. I get paid every other Friday, and by the time the Thursday before payday comes c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g to the present, I'm turning my purse upside down on a quest for spare change, because my bank account is starving. Two maxed-out credit cards don't buy much either, but when payday is a mere 24 hours away, I'm stuck standing next to my car at the gas station for two days in a row. And I don't like that, especially on a rainy day.
Seriously folks, can we please put an end to the bi-weekly pay period? In an age where we have cars that talk, phones that fart, and touch-screen computers, can we please have our hard-earned cash more than twice a month? The every-two-weeks pay period needs to be discarded along with everything else we use that is outdated, like the five-day work week for example, which I'll get to in a moment.
I'll just go ahead and say it for you all: getting paid only twice a month stinks, especially when you're about as talented at budgeting as a teenager with her daddy's credit card. Think about this: out of 365 days in a year, only 24-26 of those are pay days, depending on where the weeks fall.
Wait, what...?
Looks like a lot less when seen from that perspective, doesn't it? I'm just appalled that in a world that moves as fast as ours does, many of us still have a pay schedule that ceased to be functional when internet use became mainstream.
If only I was talking about coffee, but it isn't that simple.
Now I come to part two of my work woe rant: the five-day work week. Yes, I know it's traditional and everything. Yes, I know it's the way things have always been done...mostly. I can understand why it existed hundreds of years ago, because manual labor was a way of life, and we didn't have factories full of machines to eliminate the long periods of time spent doing tasks that are NEVER done by hand anymore. I can even understand the five-day work week existing in the last decade before the big, bad internet. But now? With all the time-saving devices, electronics, and gadgets we have literally at our fingertips, we ought to be working less. Instead, we are working more, and I'm not just referring to working more than five days a week; our shifts are getting longer too.
With longer work weeks and shifts lasting nine hours or more, the work-life balance has shifted in the wrong direction—right off the cliff. Take into account the travel time, the time it takes to get ready for the workday, and it's no wonder that most full-timers and overtimers are always saying that they have no time for a life. How can you have time for a life when you have to go to bed less than four hours after returning home from a backbreaking workday?
Working more than 45 hours a week also has some serious health implications that most people don't even realize, which they should. Here are just a few:
-Obesity, because fitting in an hour at the gym is tough when it's you who has to go home and cook dinner. Sometimes, it's easier just to eat out, and we all know that the portions and the calorie count per meal in a restaurant is outrageous.
-Health problems related to obesity, because a healthy body is the foundation for good health. But how can you be healthy when you have so little time?
-Depression, because the thought of starting the new work week after only two days to recuperate from a hellish week at the job is enough to make you drink. Depression also leads to health issues.
-Fatigue, both mental and physical: I do not think that the two-day weekend is sufficient time to physically recover from a week full of overtime. Physically, your body spends Saturday and Sunday trying to catch up on the sleep it missed during the week. Mentally, your brain is in desperate need of some "you time," but how are you supposed to accomplish that when you're busy all weekend playing catch-up on the things you didn't have time to do during the week, such as grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, and that pile of dishes in the sink?
What do you like to do when you have spare time? Being a polymath, I have more hobbies than teeth, but that is who I am. Who are you? Please tell me in the comments below, and don't forget to subscribe to my site. Remember to take good care of yourselves, and if you know someone who could benefit from the info in this article, please share it with them. Thank you.
Putting the "Punch" in Acupuncture, Day One
Ahh...acupuncture, that weird word that conjures up images of Asian doctors with their "game faces" on, their eyes as sharp as the needles that they oh-so-gently insert into the patient's skin. The patient seems so serene, resembling a porcupine still in hibernation. Clearly, we must be missing something, Like needles are supposed to be fun for those in the know, right?
I am in the know. And it's all just a myth. All needles hurt, even the ones that are tinier than a strand of my hair. So, how did I find myself lying on a table and being completely calm about getting poked five times in each shoulder?
Let me back up.
A few days ago, I was asked by my physical therapist if I wanted to try acupuncture as part of my treatment regimen for my work-related shoulder injuries.
What the heck? I thought. I don't have to pay for it.
"Well, okay," I told her.
"I highly recommend it," said my therapist. After volunteering to be stabbed with little needles, I was beginning to think I needed a different sort of therapist.
48 hours later, my nerves were feeling rather, well, nervy. I wondered why I had agreed to such a thing. Then I stopped wondering because I figured out that it was just part of my impulsive nature. I really need to protect myself from myself, but I don't think anyone wants that job because most people won't accept humor as payment. I'd have it made if they did.
I arrived on time to the second of my twice-a-week appointments, and I felt a strange sort of calm take over, for about three and a half seconds. Then that feeling like my stomach was being sucked empty by an old Electrolux vacuum returned.
"Come on, Andria; you can handle this," I thought, trying to turn off the suction feeling. "It can't be worse than getting a shot, right?"
Have I mentioned how much I hate shots? Unless they're the kind you can drink, I'm just not interested.
I was soon led into a patient room of the physical therapy clinic, which I didn't take as a good sign, since all my appointments up to then had been in the gym area where everyone else was.
"How are you today?" asked Craig, the guy who was going to turn me into a porcupine, or so I thought.
"Greeaaaaaat," I mumbled, wondering how far the jump from the window to the ground would be.
"So," said Craig, "I hear this will be your first experience with acupuncture."
I nodded, and after having to sign a waiver that stated that I could not hold the facility accountable for a collapsed lung, we began.
Basically, acupuncture involves using tiny needles under the skin to stimulate parts of the body under the skin. Translation: Insert, dig, repeat, ouch. Strangely, as I just found out, there's no scientific evidence to prove that it works. Most believe it's placebo effect. Perhaps I should have swallowed a Tic-tac and imagined it to be Percocet, because the "light pinch" I was warned I was going to feel was more like a "medium pinch." Then, there came a weird sensation that I can hardly even describe. Tingling, with a bit of pulsation, with a mini-shot of dull pain that my entire body felt. It was tolerable, just strange.
"Needle-less" to say, I was relieved after the eighth needle was removed, and I was released from the facility. They told me that I could begin to feel pain relief in about two days, so stay tuned for "Putting the Punch in Acupuncture-Part 2."
Journals are Not Just for Writers
A journal tells your story. I, like my mother before me, have kept a diary since childhood. She was about 17 when she started. I became a scribbler a bit earlier. I was 13 when I received a black and white polka dot book with pink pages and "Sassy" on the front cover for Christmas or my birthday (can't remember which, since my birthday is four days after Christmas). Shockingly, I still have this diary in its unabashed pre-teen glory, with the cover nearly falling off.
As the years passed, a diary became the one place I could shoot off my darkest thoughts, desires and raging "hormony teenager" feelings without any negative consequences whatsoever, as well as pass English classes with grades that didn't require lying about my progress. Little did I know that I was already in a sort of self-inflicted training camp that, combined with my freakish love of books, would turn me into the crazy weirdo writer I am today. However, after over twenty years of journaling, I am convinced that the practice is not only good for writers, but for non-writers as well. Yes, that means men too! Though this post is focused mainly on the benefits that journaling can offer writers, I encourage you to read on and see what it can do for those that have taken different paths in creativity.
Why You Should Keep a Diary
It's a good way to stay in good "writing shape."
Basic sentence writing, fluidity, grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc... I am appalled by how many people in the comments sections of social media have no idea how to write a sentence I can comprehend. Even more appalling, if possible, are the grammar police who poke fun at them. This is not only unkind, but it doesn't solve the problem. What can help is reading a lot, combined with regular writing practice. Why not write about your life? Chances are, your kids will want to know more about you in years to come, and a diary might just end up being the only thing left of you when you're gone.
For writers, a journal is a great way to practice dialogue.
By challenging your brain to remember and record interesting conversations you've had with people, you will get to learn how real people actually speak. They need to talk that way in fiction, or they will sound fake.
Consider this brief excerpt from my new YA historical paranormal novel, The Ruffian Redeemer:
"Alright; here is what we are going to do," said Westley. "I am going to take you into the auditorium to seat you. No one will notice you going in; it is nearly a full house tonight. But do not leave the theater to go to the john until the picture is over, or you might get caught by the ticket man. Agreed?"
Now read the same passage, and see if you can detect the subtle changes that make it flow better:
"Alright: here's what we're gonna do," said Westley. "I'm gonna take you into the auditorium to seat you. No one'll notice you going in; it's nearly a full house tonight. But don't leave the theater to go to the john 'til the picture's over, or you might get caught by the ticket man. Agreed?"
Thank God this was the one I used in the final version of the book. Not only does it read more smoothly, but also more naturally. People, especially the younger crowd, say gonna, goin,' doin,' 'til, ya, etc. The list goes on. Think about how people speak in real life. There are many dialects spoken in every language. Learn to recognize them and portray them accurately. It will make your characters seem more real.
Journaling makes writing second nature. Read: EASIER.
No one is born knowing they can write. Well, maybe Stephen King did, but the guy's a legend among authors. The rules don't exactly apply to him. For the rest of us, regular writing helps your mind stay sharp and work out the kinks that scream, "I'm a novice writer!" In a journal, there is no judge but you. No one is there to poke fun at your spelling, poor word choices, abhorrent usage of cliches, or the way you described your mother-in-law's not-so-French-after-all French cooking. You'll be able to look back at earlier entries and think, "Wow! I've really improved." It's how we grow as writers.
Practice may not always make perfect, but you can still get killer results that won't disappear like your abs after too many beers. Good writing skills will stay with you long after your youth checks out of the bars and party rooms and into the fuzzy world of AARP and hearing aids. Good writing skills will outlast the longest battery for that hearing aid, as well as your overnight Depends® and a naked upper lip.
While we're on the subject of developing high levels of proficiency in writing...
You may be a crackshot at dialogue, but your narration may be full of holes. Or perhaps when it comes to world building you were born with blueprints in your brain, yet you struggle with filling that world with characters that don't have the personality of tomato pulp. Your diary is just the place to practice setting scenes by creating highly-detailed descriptions of events from your life, analogies, and good paragraph transitions. Honestly, what writing weakness can't be improved by journaling?
Diaries help you develop your own unique style.
After long hours of practice, the mechanics of writing good prose become second nature, allowing your thoughts to turn to style. Be honest here. How well do you really know yourself as a writer? Are you trying to emulate your favorite authors (and who could blame you?), or are you just doing what comes natural to you? I hope your answer wasn't emulation, because I have news for you: imitations suck. Trying to enjoy a substitute is like trying to pretend that fat-free yogurt is an ice cream sundae. Sure, they're both made with thickened milk and sweetener, but there is a HUGE difference in taste, color, texture, and even aroma. You don't wanna be a wannabe. It's okay to be inspired by other authors, but don't copy them.
Leave a written legacy for your kids.
Diaries serve as raw, firsthand accounts of your life and the era you wrote them in, without media censure, sanitizing, or fluff. Everything there is present in all of its disgustingly honest glory, and you owe it to yourself to leave it as such. This was your life. Ink may fade with age, but not nearly as much as our memories. Keeping them recorded is a great way to look back years from now and remember them again, even the bad ones. Memories shape us. I've written down events, only to come back to them several years later, and it's like they happened yesterday. As forgetful as I am, I don't want all my memories to fade away with my faculties when I start wearing support hose and bifocals.
Helps clear your mind and spot unhealthy patterns in your life.
Every so often, a person just needs to vent, or they might explode, taking out their anger on unsuspecting (and undeserving) family members. Writing out your frustrations is as therapeutic as a psychologist, but without the hefty hourly fee, the gas money spent to get there, and the discomfort of telling a total stranger your most private thoughts.
A diary makes no judgement, has no time limit, and is a great tool for helping you to recognize toxicity in your life. Maybe, as you're going through what you wrote a year ago or even a few months ago, you will see mistakes you repeated over and over that led you to disaster. Or perhaps you've got a few unhealthy relationships that need to end, but maybe you never would have recognized them as toxic in the first place if you weren't recording significant events on paper. For example, maybe your best friend keeps asking you to go to places for a night out...and you're the one who ends up paying. Every time. Chuck her to the curb and give your diary a pat on the back.
If you happen to be an artist, a journal can also be another medium.
If you have the eyes of an artist, you can up the ante of a regular old sketchbook and make it more of an illustrated journal. If you craft, a you have a place to sketch out ideas for projects, or glue snippets of materials you plan to use.
Even if you're not an artist or a crafter, you can still do this:
Create a scrapbook of your life.
Journals are not just made for words, you know. I've filled mine with photos, ticket stubs, event brochures, and things you'd never even think of. Everyone loves pictures. With photos being more easy to capture than ever, now you have a place to put them.
Last but not least, journals are just cool.
Have you been to a Barnes & Noble lately? Or Target? A Medieval Fair? Craft stores? Beautiful blank books are everywhere. Even the dollar store has pretty ones to choose from. While you're at it, get yourself a special pen to go with it. I've been using fountain pens since I was about 10. Stay tuned for a post on why I love using them so much. However, if that Papermate InkJoy® gel pen with the cute little hearts on it floats your writerly boat, go for it. If you feel the urge to use a cerulean blue crayon for inspiration, do it. Just write, and remember that there are no rules, unless you’re writing books.
Things I Love About Fountain Pens
Fountain pens conjure up a lot of images: writers with inky fingers, old-time detectives taking down notes, pages of flowing script that are just begging to be read. I could go on, but I realize that I'm probably cutting into your game time, so I'll keep this brief and informative. Consider it a crash course on fountain pens for the uninitiated.
What is a Fountain Pen Anyway?
No, they don't involve fluffy feather quills like in Harry Potter. Basically, a fountain pen is the big brother of quills or metal-tipped pens that are also known as dip pens.
As the name "dip pen" implies, they must be dipped into a bottle of ink in order to write with them. The first dip pens were made of reeds, and for thousands of years, they were the standard writing tool that eventually usurped the clay cuneiform and wax tablets. While great fun at first, eventually our forefathers as early as the tenth century A.D. demanded better writing instruments than the dip pens that involved a lot of, well, dipping. They also wanted a pen with less maintenance, so they invented an amazing little thing called the fountain pen. I call them dip pens on steroids, because that's exactly what they are.
Fountain pens write much the way dip pens do, with one very big difference: the ink is inside of them, just like our modern-day pens. No double-dipping here! They have little cartridges inside of them that can be filled and re-filled with any ink color you please. In my opinion, that alone makes them enticing, but here are my top reasons why I use them.
I Grew Up with Them
As a financially-deprived child growing up in the 1980s, I often had to turn to the creative arts for entertainment. By the time the '90s rolled around, I naturally gravitated to any craft project at home or at school, particularly drawing. My fifth-grade art instructor introduced us to the fine art of calligraphy, and once I began, I refused to stop. For three years, I used what my class had practiced with, the cheap, sort-of-efficient "calligraphy markers" that screamed "Historically incorrect!" even to my eleven-year-old brain. At thirteen, I begged my mother to buy me a "real" fountain pen, as my 8th-grade English class was assigned a writing project that required their use. She did, and as I unwrapped that Shaeffer pen from its packaging, I just knew I had made a new friend, one that would serve me well as I penned my first diary, practiced the uncial hand, and transitioned to high school, where I stumped my teachers with my very unusual cursive script that looked like it had been penned centuries ago. No girly bubble-writing from this chick (I know you know what I'm talking about)!
The Cost
Once I made fountain pen a habit that bordered on obsession, I began to realize something that the "pen muggles" didn't; fountain pens save you money! The average bottle of good-quality pen ink is about $10-$15. If you have to refill your fountain pen twice a month, it might take take you six months to a year to use up that bottle. Even if you use two bottles a year, I guarantee you are still spending less on ink than you would on high-quality rollerball pens. In addition, each fountain pen refill means there is one less plastic pen entering the landfills, so they are environmentally friendly, too! We don't need any more pens floating around the ocean, or the fish will start cornering the best-seller market. Who needs that?
Marks You as a Writer
Along with the humble typewriter, fountain pens were once part of a writer's toolbox, because who wants to write the great American novel in pencil, right? Ballpoint pens weren't very mainstream until the 1950s, so your trusty fountain pen was there to help you out, possibly as a family heirloom as well as your writing tool of choice. Some notable writers use them now, including Stephen King (who owns about sixty) and Christopher Paolini.
Uses are Not Only for Writers
I bet you thought it was just the writers who had all the fun, right? Write? Oh, you're an artist? Well, here's a new-but-very-old-writing-tool for ya! You can do calligraphy, enhance your anime frames and more with a trusty fountain pen by your side. Or, click here for more ideas.
Ergonomic
I hear a lot of complaints about arthritis in the hands and wrists, and I'm sure I'll hear a lot more as our time spent with computers increases. One of the best things about fountain pens is that they require so little pressure to write with, minimizing the strain you'd feel and the force required with a traditional pen. Every ballpoint with the exception of gel-rollers make my pinky finger cramp up after extended periods of time. As my day job entails a lot of hand and wrist strain, I don't need to add to the problem by using a pen that I will eventually want to throw across the room.
Ink Stands Up to Time
If you're writing or signing a document that you want to last for ages, use a fountain pen. The ink intensity can last decades, sometimes centuries, and the thicker lines make for better visibility for those of us with bad eyes. You know how they say our sight declines with age....
Nostalgia
I greatly enjoy the connection I feel with generations of fountain pen users before me. Being absolutely bonkers about history, I can experience a small part of my life the way people of old once did. In a crazy sort of way, I feel like I'm telling them that I appreciate what they went through to make life easier for our generation. Because they went through hell; maybe not with pioneering new writing instruments, but in other ways. I'm sure I don't need to elaborate.
Improves My Handwriting and My Self-discipline
My handwriting is very temperamental. However, the beauty that my cursive acquires when using a fountain pen is akin to Cinderella's dress after her fairy-godmother sends her off to the ball. My fountain pen makes me want to write. Writers are always finding excuses to put off their writing projects, but sometimes a little thing like a favorite pen can mean the difference between a finished novel and a pile of Post-it! notes that will never be turned into a finished project.
Excellent Conversation Starters
"What kind of pen is that?"
"Holy crap! Is that a fountain pen?"
"I didn't know they still made those!"
"Can you give me a tattoo?"
Fountain pens tend to be the life of the party wherever they go. They've become so "old" that they're new again, and that puzzles people. Luckily, they have you to answer all their questions. Spread that fountain pen love. Who knows? You might just make a friend, one who might start a very successful fountain pen business and will give you special the-one-that-started-it-all discounts!
They're Just Fun, Okay?
They really are. Believe it or not, they're growing in popularity. You don't need to look further than Pinterest to see some of the coolest pens on planet Earth. Why would you want to write with a boring ballpoint pen that strains your hand and adds to the landfills, when you could be using a gorgeous pen that you will eventually develop an attachment to, like your favorite pair of jeans? For me, the choice is obvious, but we're all different. And that's okay! My Nana always says "We're all different like flowers," so what kind of flower are you? I'm the kind that shoots ink when mean people get too close!
Cleopatra's Death: Not as Glamorous as Hollywood Portrays
Mention Egypt to someone, and you can almost bet your afterlife that Cleopatra will spring into their brain faster than the Egyptian embalmer's hook can rip out the contents of a soon-to-be-mummy's skull.
Um, ouch? Thank goodness people were dead when they did this.
Cleopatra is legendary. She married two leaders of Rome, never let anyone boss her around, and ran a country, all without coffee! Maybe it was the wine. They certainly had plenty of that in ancient Egypt, but I'm willing to bet it wasn't Apothic Dark. Beverage jokes aside, Cleopatra was not only the queen of Egypt (despite not being Egyptian herself), but the queen of badassery in a time when most women in the world were considered little more than baby-making property. There's just no walking around the cactus on that one.
Most of us know that Cleopatra, as powerful as she was, began to develop an unquenchable thirst for more that what she already had. If you ask me, I would have been content to just lay back on my throne and manage Egypt like a good little queen, thanking the universe for my good fortune just to be a queen. Not our Cleopatra though. Her ultimate goal was to unite the known world under one banner. Judging by how well Egypt fared during her reign, this might not have been an entirely bad idea.
Cleopatra wanted to rule the world, which was mostly run by Rome at the time, and she attempted to make that wish come true. But the Romans weren't having it. They were running the show, and were eager to keep running it until the end of time, or at least until togas fell out of fashion. They wanted to be the only lions in their den of power. When that formidable lioness Cleopatra and her Roman husband Marc Antony expressed their desire to take what Rome had conquered, the Romans did the only thing that any other country under threat would do.
They declared war on Egypt, and they won.
Cleopatra's army, led by Marc Antony, fought hard in the Battle of Actium. But Rome was an expert on war strategies, as well as fighting hard for what they wanted, or didn't want in this case. They won the Battle of Actium, forcing Antony's legions back to Egypt, where they promptly deserted him. It's no wonder that the poor man took his own life. Exiled from his former home, forsaken by his own countrymen...all he had left was Cleopatra, Egypt, a few kids, and a short sword that must have really hurt when he stabbed himself in the gut with it. This was a man who was once part of the Second Triumvirate, meaning that he had been one-third the master of Rome and the provinces it ruled. This was a huge blow to a man of his standing, and Cleopatra's. Their doom was sealed when they made Rome their enemy. That was their fatal mistake, the one that cost them their very privileged lives.
Oops. The lesson we can learn here is: value what you have, because if you try to take more than your share, you might end up with little or nothing.
Nothing is exactly what Cleopatra ended up with. Rome conquered her, took all her possessions by right of conquest, and basically reduced her status to little more than a slave. However, rather than submit to Roman rule, she chose to end her life with the help of a venomous reptile. If you want to know the difference between poisonous and venomous, click here. Movies and artwork have often portrayed her final moments as something beautiful and peaceful, but what actually happens to the human body once that venom enters the bloodstream?
The Bite
Aside from feeling like two very large sharp needles had entered her skin, poor Cleopatra probably felt miserable. Life as she knew it was over, and now she had actually submitted to being bitten by an Egyptian cobra, also known as an asp, a snake that most people went out of their way to avoid. She was, however, not uninformed about what would happen to her, as she had experimented with the effects of various poisons on condemned individuals, and had learned that the bite of the asp was the least painful way to go. But how painless was it?
What Happened Afterward
After the initial bite by an almost-ten-foot-long reptile with a bad attitude, Cleopatra likely experienced horrible abdominal pains, alongside the pain and swelling at the bite site. ('Bite site'------I like that.) Vomiting would have soon followed, something we'd never picture a queen doing...it's like imagining them doing a fart. Not very regal. What causes the upchucking of the last royal meal is the presence of neurotoxins (poisons that cause damage to the nervous system) in snake venom. I can just imagine Cleopatra's maidservants Charmian and Iras holding out golden bowls for her to puke into, while trying not to think about the same thing happening to them when it was their turn to get bitten, as they chose to die with their queen to keep serving her in the afterlife. You just can't buy loyalty like that.
Along with filling golden vessels with royal spew, Cleopatra would have also had just as much trouble at the business end of her digestive track, in the form of diarrhea. Um, yuck. With no indoor plumbing in those days, combined with the fact that she was walled up inside a building and surrounded by vessels o' vomit, the smell must have been beyond bad. I suppose the trouble she would have had breathing (thanks again, neurotoxins!) would have been more welcome than you'd imagine. At this point, I think I would have just skipped the whole suicide-by-snakebite thingy by now if I had been one of her maidservants, because it only got more miserable from there.
We know the queen was feeling blue, but her skin slowly started matching her mood by turning funky colors from the necrosis, or cell death, setting in. I can only imagine the mental distress this would have caused her, because she was really proud of that skin, bathing it in milk regularly to keep it softer than swan feathers. It must have been in a state of near-perfection, until the discoloration began when the area around the bite site (and maybe her limbs) slowly began to lose life, normal coloration, and feeling of sensation. Tip: If you don't want to see an extreme case of necrosis, don't click here, but this is what it looks like.
I know this is bad, but it soon became even worse for the poor queen. Internal bleeding caused by the hemotoxins in the venom caused Cleopatra's insides to slowly liquify, the bloody contents to ooze out of her mucous membranes like her nose and eyes. Rather than watching her suffer all these agonies, her servants should have put her out of her misery with a quick slash to the throat, don't you think? As her muscle fibers melted away, the release of too much potassium into her bloodstream could have easily given her a heart attack. To say nothing of how painful this must have been.
The Darkness Approaches...
Before Cleopatra's painted eyelid's closed for the last time, it was highly likely that those beautiful eyes could no longer see, as one of the effects of neurotoxin is blindness. There she was, probably laying on a chilly stone slab waiting for death, when the world around her began to fade away. The faces of her devoted servants were probably the last things she ever saw as they no doubt mopped her perspiring forehead that was also plagued by headache. It was down to time now. Waiting was the only thing any one of them could do.
Death
For all this suffering, Cleopatra's official cause of death could have been anything from a heart attack, to respiratory failure, to organ failure, or a combination of many things brought on by the toxicity of the venom. Death could have occurred almost immediately, but most people die in about 30 minutes. Even that short amount of time must have seemed like an eternity with the psychological and physiological trauma she went through.She may or may not have experienced all of the above symptoms I mentioned, but it is true that it is highly likely. Anyone who has survived a snakebite can tell you that even with treatment in the modern age, the experience is anything but elegant and peaceful. When it's my turn to leave this world, I hope it will be a lot less traumatic than Cleopatra's demise. Hopefully, yours will be too.
Sources used for this article include:
https://snake-facts.weebly.com/egyptian-cobra.html
https://www.ranker.com/list/what-being-bitten-by-a-cobra-feels-like/jacob-shelton
https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/snakebite#1
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurotoxin
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charmion_(servant_to_Cleopatra)
https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/necrosis
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snakebite
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Cleopatra
https://www.timsreptiles.co.za/uncategorized/venom-types-and-there-effects-on-humans
http://www.toxinology.com/fusebox.cfm?staticaction=snakes/ns-venmed21.htm
http://dinoanimals.com/animals/egyptian-cobra-cleopatras-snake/
How to Make Lavender Honey Ice Cream at Home
This kitchen creation was born when I went into my local ice cream shop for their Lavender Honey ice cream and found out that it wouldn't be available for six months.
"SIX MONTHS? I WON'T MAKE IT THAT LONG!" was what I wanted to scream at the nice girl behind the counter. But since I didn't want to make her cry, I ordered the darkest chocolate ice cream I could find and used it to nurse my pain.
"We need to buy an ice cream maker," I said to my husband when I got home.
"Um, okay," he said, a bit uncertain. Apparently he was remembering the last time I'd used an appliance that quickly rotated food, which had resulted in the kitchen (and me) being spattered in probably two quarts of homemade tomato soup. Also a good amount of tears, but we won't talk about that....
About a week later, we were the proud owners of an electric ice cream maker. It wasn't long before I lost the instructions (which I still haven't found) and decided that after a few good batches, I was ready for the next challenge: replicate that ice cream I didn't want to wait six months for. Remembering what I'd learned from the manual before it went into hiding, I mixed, measured, poured, cooked, stirred, and finally ended up with some purple goo that actually tasted fantastic. I wanted to share it with all of you, so here it is.
Andria's Don't-Have-to-Wait-Six-Months-for-it Home-churned Lavender Honey Ice Cream
Ingredients:
3.5 cups of milk
2.5 cups heavy whipping cream
2.5 cups half 'n' half
2 cups honey
5 beaten eggs
.75 tsp. salt
3.5 Tbsp. dried lavender flowers
2.5 tsp. vanilla extract
Purple food coloring, or use red and blue
Equipment:
2-quart ice cream maker
rock salt
Lots of ice
large fine mesh sieve for straining out lavender flowers
Instructions:
In a large pot, bring the milk, half 'n' half, cream, honey, lavender flowers, salt, and vanilla to a very weak boil over medium heat, stirring occasionally. Do not let it get bubbly-----just steamy. Once it reaches boiling point, turn heat to low and let simmer 15 minutes, stirring frequently. Meanwhile beat eggs in a large bowl and set aside.
Turn heat off and let custard cool for 15 minutes. Stir one cup of this into the beaten eggs. Gradually pour and stir egg mixture into the remaining custard inside the pot. Combine, and strain out lavender flowers through the sieve. Add the food coloring until the ice cream is the desired color.
Chill the custard in the fridge at least three hours, preferably in the canister that came with your ice cream maker. Place canister in ice cream maker, and pack the rock salt and ice around it according to ice cream maker's instructions. Churn ice cream 45 minutes to an hour, pack it into a lidded container, and freeze at least four hours. Enjoy!
A Letter to Those who Think it's Their God-given Right to Abuse, Belittle, or Mock Writers
Dear Trolls,
I felt that it was time for writers to take a stand and defend themselves against that part of humanity that enjoys tearing us down like ugly wallpaper. In other words, against you.
There are few hobbies in existence that demand more of a person's soul than writing. Writing leaves the human soul in a completely different state than when it was found. It takes the soul, runs it through a meat grinder, and tries to use a dried-up glue stick to reassemble it. We are changed forever by our writing. Sometimes we are even changed for the better, but not always. Here's one thing I can tell you that's true of every writer who has bled their way up this thorny path for years and years: There's a lot that we don't regret.
We don't regret the sleepless nights spent staying up until sunrise, eyes red as the coming dawn.
We don't regret the missed meals, unless those meals were to include wine. Most of that food was countless packages of two-minute noodles anyway.
We don't regret the parties we missed, because we were just a few chapters away from finishing our latest book and just HAD to get it done.
We don't regret our limited social life, because our imaginary friends are more real to us than the people who actually exist, and we can always create more imaginary friends if we get lonely.
We don't regret yelling at or perhaps throwing the keyboard in frustration, because we know a finished book in our hands is worth the hell.
We don't regret the amazing friendships we've cultivated with other writers like ourselves, who know exactly what kind of ship it is that we're sailing in. (Hint: it's probably full of cannon ball holes.)
Most of all, we don't regret the legacy we'll leave behind when we leave this earth.
Here's another particle truth for you. All these things we don't regret, when combined with the time and the hard work we put in, eventually lead to success.
Well, at least that's what we're aiming for. So, don't belittle us for trying to live our dreams. At least we're trying.
Sincerely,
A Writer Who’s Still Trying to Get There
Book Review: The Anniversary, by J J Winston
For a book that will reveal the perils of mental illness that you never knew about, read no further than The Anniversary, a fictional tale of loss, love, redemption, and rebirth. In J J Winston's debut novel, you'll read about Grandville and Juliette Stubbs, a couple that seems to have the perfect life, home, marriage and family. However, when bipolar disorder lurks under the surface, their world is just one ticking time-bomb away from being blown sky-high.
"What do you do when life has you in check?"----------J J Winston
This book is rather unusual, but it's the good kind of unusual. I'm not a self-help book reader, but what this book has managed to do is combine a self-help book with an intriguing story that could not only actually happen, but also trick me into learning things about mental illness sufferers that really opened my eyes to different perspectives of the diseases. As a person who deals with depression, anxiety, and an odd phobia of driving a car (especially during the Christmas season), I need all the help I can get. Sometimes though, I just hate getting it. Until I read The Anniversary.
The place where the events of The Anniversary happen is Cleveland, Ohio, and yes there are smartphones involved. I might mention that this is probably the only book I own that contains anything smartphone-related, as I'm an old-fashioned chick. In fact, I dragged my heels on getting one as much as Juliette did, but like her, I'm finally appreciating their variant uses.
What I Learned from Reading The Anniversary
"If you don't deal with your pain, it will deal with you." -J J Winston
How very true these words are. Here's an analogy for you. You are a sealed pop bottle. Inside of you is the pop. Imagine that the air bubbles in the pop are your pain. What happens when the bottle gets kicked down a hill and shaken up? Well, there are two things you can do. The first is to very gently break the seal on the bottle so the air (pain) has a chance to escape little by little and be dealt with gradually as it comes, much like a person talking out their feelings. The second choice is to keep that lid on and stay "bottled up."
What happens to that bottle once it can't take any more abuse? It explodes of course, and the pain and rage can't be controlled. You don't know what it will hit, or who it will hurt. As Grandville and Juliette sadly found out, this can often have irreversible consequences.
Despite its few flaws, the book presents a strong and well-argued message that communication is more important than any of us know. The only way to overcome a horrible event in our lives is to talk to others (preferably an experienced counselor) about them and get these problems cornered and dealt with. I hate to state the obvious, but silently suffering alone is still a form of suffering. Do yourself and your family a service and make use of the resources available to you. The Anniversary also has a companion workbook available that serves as both a supplement and a tool for helping people understand many topics related to mental illness. Winston gets bonus points from me for that!!!
J J Winston has done quite an excellent job with her first book, and I can think of no one who is better qualified to write such a work as this. She has spent more than two decades working in the behavioral health industry, working as a magistrate judge, social worker, and an attorney. This leaves me in awe, as my resume is nowhere near this impressive (cue sob).
20 Ways to Beat Depression this Spring
Winter is finally over, but the blues are still shadowing your back. The trees are still bare, the sky is still gray, and everything that was green is still brown and ugly. You're dying for the feel of the warm sun, for the scent of flowers. Life seems to be waiting for something. In addition, you've probably forgotten about all those New Year's resolutions you made. From getting fit, to trying to make time for family, the big bad R's often fall into the black hole where all the other unfulfilled resolutions go. How are they going to do you any good now? I propose a Springtime Resolution instead. It's never too late to do something positive on a regular basis to change your life. Unless of course, you're dead. Sooooo...you'd probably better start changing things now. A life with activity is often the best remedy for depression, so I've compiled a list of twenty things to try so you can kick your blues to the curb and start enjoying life again. Have a happy Spring!
1. Start an exercise routine.
Each year, the human body typically puts on seven pounds of fat (in my case it's more like the weight of a baby elephant) to prepare for winter. Apparently, it's something do to with our distant past when we lived in caves, ate rocks, and sometimes had to go days without real food. I don't know how they did it; I'm lucky if I can go a few hours without eating. But whether you can go three days or three hours, have packed on elephant weight or mosquito weight, everyone needs to be somewhat active for their health to be good. Though the thought of any sort of exercise routine can be intimidating, (especially if you'd rather be on the couch) you can aim small to start. A ten-minute walk around the block a few days a week is doable for most of us, as well as easy to fit into anyone's schedule. For strength training, a few dollars can buy you some very portable stretchy bands to tone your muscles with. If you start drop those pounds now, you'll look great for summer! Who doesn't want to look great for those summer BBQs? Plus, a workout releases endorphins, or what I call "The Happy Hormone." They pick up your mood.
2. Plan a "Welcome, Spring!" party.
Or a "Get Lost, Winter!" party. Or any party for that matter that involves your closest friends, lots of food, and a relaxed atmosphere. The main focus of this exercise is to give you something to look forward to. If you're constantly getting plans ready to carry out, it will be a lot harder for the blues to take over. Besides, it's great to look forward to good times ahead, especially if you have crazy friends like mine. And, yes, I had a spring party at the end of March, and we had a ball, as well as a few bottles of wine!
3. Volunteer your time.
Once of the best ways to forget about your own gloom is to alleviate the gloom of someone else. Wherever people live, there is no shortage of places that could use extra help. Perhaps your local homeless shelter could use a hand in the kitchen once a week. Maybe you know a disabled person who struggles with walking their dog. I challenge you to make a once-a-week commitment for one month helping someone who needs assistance. I guarantee you won't feel worse, if not better.
4. Learn a new skill, or teach a skill you know.
For example, maybe you've always wished you knew how to put the spare tire on your car in an emergency. Or, if you know how, you could teach someone younger than you who just bought their first car. We should never stop trying to learn new things (especially the stupid people of the world---------they need all the help they can get), especially if it's something we really want to learn.
5. Plan a movie night, craft night, or art night with friends.
Whatever you and your friends enjoy as a group, set aside the time to do it. Sometimes, I'm in dire need of a Lord of the Rings marathon, sometimes Harry Potter. Other times, it's paint and canvas for us, or even a game of Scrabble accompanied by lots of laughs and too much caffeine. But even if there's no group activity going on, the human company itself can help lift your mood. We often want to shut ourselves away when we feel depressed. I want to encourage you to get out there and be with people, especially the ones who build you up. But if they're the kind that tear you down, feel free to boot them out of your life with or without a steel-toed shoe.
6. Plan an all-day outing.
You've heard that the cute little historic town an hour away from you is a great place to explore. What are you waiting for? Grab your next paycheck, kidnap your friends, and take them out for a day of shopping, food, and exploration. Well, you shouldn't actually kidnap your friends, but you can always tie them up with duct tape and stuff them in the trunk if they give you a hard time about going. I have a few friends that are a bit reluctant because their husbands want to control everything they do, but I'm slowly training these women to stand up for themselves and say to those men, "Honey, I'm going out with the girls. Dinner's in the fridge. Don't wait up."
7. Join a weekly club, or start one.
Thank goodness for the internet, because anything you want to find is usually listed at the command of the right keyword. And if you can't find a club for your chosen activity, start your own. I'm actually thinking of starting one for spinners. No, not the bike spinners at the gym. I mean the spinners that can turn wool into yarn with wheels. The original spinners. I've been turning cat hair into string for as long as I can remember, but learning to spin silk was an entirely new experience.
8. Rediscover an old beloved hobby.
Too often, we let our busy lives kick our hobbies to the dumpster out back, sometimes literally. No one says you have to have many (says the woman with more hobbies than blood cells); one or two will do just fine. As long as you're passionate about something, that's all that matters. We all need to find something that brings us joy, something to help us wind down and de-stress, and I don't mean television. Find something you're truly nuts about and make the time for it.
Our passions are part of who we are. Fish are born to swim. If you were a fish that couldn't make time to swim, you wouldn't be very happy, would you? What if you were an eagle that just had its wings amputated? Depression is often worsened when we allow our potential to dry up like an old riverbed. "Eagles" often remove their own wings, so to speak. Don't let this happen! If we don't use the gifts we are given, what good are they? We might as well not have them at all. If you don't have a hobby, there are probably thousands of them out there. Do a little research. One of them is bound to catch your interest.
9. De-clutter your house and start spring cleaning.
Getting rid of your stuff can be akin to climbing Mount Everest without oxygen. You look at the piles of junk that have taken up residence in your home, and you suddenly realize one day that your home is no longer a home; it's a building that's one soda can away from needing a condemned sign on the front door. You no longer own your stuff. Your stuff has suddenly started owning you, and you don't know what the heck to do about it. You'd press the panic button if you could find it, but it's likely buried under the laundry pile that hasn't been touched in two months.
Spring is here, and you want to clean your house, but how are you going to accomplish that without clearing some space? It's like trying to decorate the Christmas tree while it's still in the too-small box it came in. My suggestion? De-clutter first, clean second. For de-cluttering, I recommend this book that has really helped my clueless butt out when it comes to owning what I have and not letting it own me: Organize Now! by Jennifer Ford Berry.
10. Redecorate one room.
Now that your house is de-cluttered and de-messed, sometimes it only takes a fresh coat of paint, a few pictures, and some updated wall sockets to make a room in your home seem new again, with relatively little money invested. An updated and cleaned environment reduces stress and evokes a feeling of calm. Chocolate also works, but the positive effects don't last as long as the new fat cells that will be clinging to your hips. So, I'd stick with decorating.
11. Enter a contest, or host one yourself.
No, I'm not talking about those stupid online poetry contests that turn out to be scams. I mean something legit. Perhaps your local gym is hosting their own version of The Biggest Loser®. If they aren't, maybe you ought to with a few friends who could benefit from a healthy lifestyle change. Or, maybe you're a writer who would like to host a short story competition for young writers at the local high school. I'm sure you get the picture. You'll definitely get one if you host a photography contest.
12. Plan a garden.
Any minute now, garden supplies will start springing up like new shoots at every big-name store you know. If you're lucky enough even to have a little yard, it's time to start thinking about planning what you want to grow. A garden is a great way to keep the kids busy, learn a new skill, and watch edible things pop out of the ground like magic. If you live in an apartment, you can grow fresh herbs to use in the kitchen. As for me, I haven't reached the planning stages yet. I'm at the point where it's time to start thinking about how much money it's going to take to get my teenage son to pull out two year's worth of weeds.
13. Plan a lunch date with someone you haven't seen in awhile.
Life gets in the way sometimes, but if you don't make time for your friends, soon you won't have any. It's okay to refuse an invitation to a party or outing if you really don't feel like going, but I'd only advise doing this if you've seen those people recently. If you haven't seen them in a year or two, you should probably go. I'm only going to say this once: If you don't make time for your friends, soon you won't have any.
14. Study a new topic.
I think we sometimes forget that learning new things can be really fun if it's presented in a way that is memorable. Learning is often fun on its own, but sometimes you might need a little encouragement to educate yourself on something you normally would not even think to look at. I recommend beginning with Youtube, which has almost become a sort of poor-man's university. You can learn anything you want there, and you'd be surprised what you'll find. Fall in love with new topics! I'm a documentary buff myself.
15. Get a job.
Perhaps you're retired and bored out of your brain from being home all the time for the first time in 30-40 years. Maybe you're a stay-at-home mom that could use a bit of extra cash. Consider getting a part-time job at a "fun" store, like a book shop, gift shop, or a craft store. Something you'll like. Sometimes, being at home all day, every day, is not always healthy. You get bored, lazy, and you'll eat like a pig because you've run out of things to clean. Get a job and get out of the house!
16. Break a bad habit, or form a new one.
Are you trying to quit smoking? Perhaps you want to learn how to better manage your time. So, what are you waiting for? Do some research, form your support group, and kick those bad habits off the cliff from whence they came!
17. Family game night
Get those kids off the electronics and back onto the board game playing field! I can't tell you how many laughs I've had just by playing Scrabble, especially when we come up with funky words that don't exist, such as dinofumes, woolyfarms, and schmear.
18. Read a book you've never read, or watch a film you've never seen.
Are you sick of everyone talking about the most popular film, when you know diddly-squat about it? Well, Netflix is just one click away. Broaden your horizons, people! A little reading never killed anyone either, unless the book shelf fell on them...
19. Eat at a restaurant you've never been to.
One cool thing I love about those apps that let you order food to your front door is that everyone in the family can get what they want to eat. You all don't have to eat at the same restaurant. My husband and son love pizza; they could eat it four times a day and not tire of it (though they will get a bad case of the farts), but I have a more diverse food palate. Sometimes, I just want a dish of palak paneer, beef shawarma, or some onigiri, but it's impossible to get my family to accompany me to the restaurants that have this food without the boys whining about "funny smells" or saying stuff like, "I hope that's beef..." Hence, the food app that I love so much has a place in my life.
20. Complete a project you've been putting off.
I once bought a kit for an embroidered silk purse that I just had to have. Year after year, I put off working on it, and I finally decided to either donate it, or stitch it. Well, I sewed it, sixteen years after buying it, and I wish I'd done it sooner. It's a great relief to finish a project that's been bugging you for ages.
We only get one life, so go out there and enjoy it!
The Lies I Believed About Parenthood
I don’t actually hate my kid. You probably won’t believe me upon reading this, but I really do love the little manchild I’ve been trying to raise for the last almost-fifteen years. It’s the raising part that I can’t stand.
Some women are born to be great mothers. They played with dolls as children, loved every minute of it, and looked forward to motherhood as they approached adulthood. They had to restrain themselves from buying hundreds of tiny adorable outfits for a newborn, even as their stretch marks were likely to grow faster than the new life just beneath their wavering surface. When their new bundle of joy arrived, they forgot about the pain of childbirth and the circles beneath their eyes that they never let mankind see in their pre-pregnancy days. The old them has died with the birth of their baby and following babies, and they don’t even seem to care, because their kids are their world.
Well, that isn’t my world.
I have never been, nor will I ever be, one of those mothers that seems to forget who they were once they’ve created a human being, nor am I the kind of mother who believes that her kid is and should always be the center of her universe. Somehow, I feel like I should be apologizing for this...shortcoming? Character flaw? Mental defect? But I can’t, and I’ve never been able to. So, why do I feel so guilty about my true feelings here?
Is it so wrong for a woman to retain her identity after having a child? When my son was born, my passions in life did not disappear with the afterbirth. Yes, I became a mother, but I still remained Andria the writer, Andria the artist, and Andria the musician. Yes, there was less time to do those things, but I relished the few hours I did get to enjoy them, which was usually after my son went to bed. I don’t think most mothers seem to realize just how much they allow themselves to be erased once they have children. Even sadder, they seem to do it without even realizing it’s happening. If they do realize it, they put their desires on the back burner because they think it’s a requirement to parenthood. Well, let me ask you this: do you ever see fathers giving up their favorite hobby once their first kid is out of the birth canal?
I don’t know if it was because pregnancy, birth and raising an ADHD child were all a complete nightmare or what, but I really feel like I’ve been tricked somehow. I also learned more than a few things as time went on. The title of 'Mom’ means a lot more than being a woman who merely procreated. 'Mom’ is a term that also means snot-catcher, butt-wiper, referee, nurse, teacher, maid, peacemaker, caregiver, and self-sacrificer. For a job that demands so much, we get paid absolutely nothing. In fact, the drain on our bank accounts is always open and clear, never requiring a plumber to unclog it.
When I was pregnant, I thought that it was a wonderful thing. I had a good husband and a few years of marriage under my much-smaller-back-then belt, so I figured that starting a family was just the natural progression of life events in a woman's existence. What I didn't figure on was that things other mothers had told me about motherhood turned out to be false, at least from the perspective of one who didn't know at the time just how small her tolerance for kids was. What follows are some of these lies.
Lie #1: “It's different when it's your own child.”
Like hell it is. For years, I was annoyed by the frolicky behavior and bothersome blabbermouthing of everyone's latest procreation result. The screaming devils would ricochet from one side of the room to the other, knocking stuff over, running into people, and generally causing a ruckus only stoppable by a tranquilizer dart.
My kid's not gonna be like that, I told myself, completely buying into the lie that my kid was going to be special. My kid was going to be different. Oh, he's special alright---special needs. He has a good hard case of ADHD with a learning disability that makes him just as “different” as the veteran mothers promised me.
Lie # 2: “No matter what, it's all worth it.”
Sorry, but after nearly fifteen years of parenting, I have yet to experience more than a few it-was-all-worth-it-moments, and right now, I can't for the life of me think of any of them. Forgive me, but I really cannot fathom how more than fifteen years of this stuff makes it "all worth it":
-struggling through pregnancy with a severe case of pre-ecclampsia that nearly took my life and my child's at his birth.
-fighting hard to hit every baby milestone. From the first word, to the first step across the room, nearly all milestones were hit with millstones round our necks, and by the time we achieved one, the sense of victory had vanished.
-trying and failing to be the stay-at-home-mom that can by some miracle produce well-adjusted children that do both chores and homework without a fight, and still have matching socks.
-raising a kid who, from the age of two, got and still gets frequent migraines that make him puke every time, usually on stuff I don't want him to puke on, like my husband, the wall, or on the new dress I was supposed to wear to my sister's wedding.
-struggling with the Teflon Brain that parents of ADHD children know all too well. We call it the Teflon Brain because it has a surface a thousand time more slippery than lubricant. It’s the best nonstick surface on the planet.
-arguing with teachers over the same stuff over and over again, because even with an IEP, your kid is still (at least statistically) the class failure.
-Having to deal with the fact that no one wants to be friends with your kid because he's “different.” As ADHD children are mentally about three years younger than their peers, it's like a kindergartener in a class of third graders. No one ever wants to play with the youngest member of the group. And that's the way it's been every year.
-being driven to the edge of all patience because even though your kid is a teenager biologically, he's still a child mentally, because of the age lag thing. Or as I put it, The Age Lag Drag. It's like parenting a fifteen-year-old five-year-old sometimes.
When every single day of your parenting existence is a chore, how can any of it be "worth it?" What am I missing here? Where are these magic moments that I've heard talk of, read about in every parenting magazine, and seen in every movie that features a kid?
Maybe this is why I'm in therapy for depression and anxiety. But I can't be the only one who feels this way.
Lie # 3: “It's how you raise 'em.”
Not always, my friends. I've known exceptionally good parents whose kids still turned out to be jerkified adults who are more ungrateful than a kid who gets clothes at Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, back when my husband and I were really broke, not just kind of broke like we are now (we're talking food-bank broke here), we managed to get enough money together to get our son his first real bicycle. Most kids, even in this technology-saturated era, would be thrilled to get a new bike. And this one was as nice and shiny as an oiled swimsuit model. Our son unwrapped it, and we held our breath, waiting for that happy cry of surprise and the hugs. Instead we got:
“It's not the right color.”
“What do you mean it's not the right color?” I snapped, horrified.
“I wanted the blue one,” he moaned, looking down at the carpet.
“Your butt's gonna be that color if you don't learn to show a bit more appreciation for what you have,” my husband said, clearly as shocked and irritated as me.
As a consequence, we returned the bike to the store, and came home without one. Our son had to wait a very long time before another came along, much to his disappointment, and this time there was no complaint.
Lie #4: “You're lucky to not be a single mother.”
Maybe a little bit, but when you're married to a guy who had no clue what fatherhood meant, count yourself a lone child-raiser in that department. For the first ten years or so of our son's life, hubby worked overtime, while I stayed home and did the cooking, cleaning, and raising of both child and excessive belly fat. Occasionally bread. By the time hubby got home, he had just enough energy left to pass out on the couch after supper and shower, if he was lucky enough to even summon the drive to bathe. In short, I was what I called a 'married single mother.’ I was also the only one who had time to cook food or clean the house. Not much fun to begin with, but it's even more of a pain when you have two guys who are slobs, as noted in the “Apartment Annoyances” chapter of my book, Life is Short, so Lick the Bowl. Ebook here.
Lie #5: “You wait---you'll want another baby.”
Because all the hell I went through above is “just so worth it,” right? I'm having such a great time juggling a full-time job and struggling with my home life, that it would be great to just make it even more difficult by throwing another kid into the mix. It's like trying to fix a bad drink. Have another kid? I'd rather set myself on fire…
Lie #6: “Motherhood is the most rewarding thing you'll ever experience.”
Motherhood, the thing I have found most rewarding? Not even close. Let's dive into the numerous things I HAVE found rewarding and fulfilling in life:
-Fixing my broken marriage and turning it into a stronger bond than it was when I took my vows.
-That moment when I finished writing my first book.
-Celebrating the days when I didn't let my anxiety and depression get the better of me.
-Volunteering at a local organization.
-Bringing home my first acoustic piano after waiting 22 years for that moment. (I'd always had digital.)
The only “reward” I can see coming my way is a reward that I can't actually see, or even name, because I've never experienced a single rewarding moment in parenting. If I have, I've forgotten it. I wish I could remember. I wish I could be the mother who adored every single thing their kid does, who knows how to keep calm in a crisis, who has the gift of being nurturing. Patience, nurturing, and endurance are three of the best essentials of parenthood. For me, it's hard to admit that I have very little of any of them. Even more difficult is the fact that society hates those mothers who admit to finding mothering not what they imagined it to be.
I knew parenting would be a challenge, but not an 18-year sentence of endless drudgery with very few bright spots. There's a difference. Perhaps things would have been different if my son had not been born with ADHD and the learning disability that has made both of our lives more difficult than they had to be. I know it wasn't anyone's fault that he is this way, and I made sure that he knows it too. I do, however, have high hopes for the future. As he has aged, our relationship has grown. We have long conversations. We kick one another's butts at Monopoly. Sometimes we even go a day without getting on each other's nerves.
Whatever happens, I'm going to keep hoping.
P.S. Don't hate me for my honesty. I know I can't be the only one out there who feels this way.
Share this article with other renegade mothers you know!
Indie Books (and a few others!) I've Chosen to Review...Did YOURS Make the List?
Hello once again! Recently, I raised the alarm on my Twitter page, calling for #indie authors to send me their book links, because I plan to review some more books for my channel on Youtube! I wanted to announce the winners to help give their books some exposure, but since there's a character limit on Twitter, I thought it would be better to do it as a blog post.
I never would have imagined just how difficult it was in choosing only 23 books from the enormous amount I had the privilege of exploring. There must have been over 150! Well done, fellow indie authors. It's been a great experience interacting with you and seeing what you write.
I have three more books to read through before beginning the ones on The Big List, which are:
The Unseen Promise
We Are Immeasurable
Secrets, Lies, & Crawfish Pies
Once these books are read and reviewed, I plan to move onto those below. Is your book on the list? Even if it's not, it doesn't mean your book is undesirable. Like everyone else, I have preferences when it comes to what I enjoy reading. I read many genres, but not all are to my taste. Besides, you want a reviewer that enjoys your genre. Your book could be the best in the entire world, but if it's not in a genre I like, it won't be a good book to me.
The Big List
The 'I' in Life
One of Windsor: the Untold Story of America's First Witch Hanging
Shards of Trust
The Curse of Time-Book 1: Bloodstone
Nancy Bo and Ergonwold's Nest
Gris Gris and Juju
Ducket & Dyer: Dicks for Hire
The Writer's Lexicon: Descriptions, Overused Words, and Taboos
The Spirit Hour-Volume 1
Father of Storms
Anthology of Scrolls: Short Stories, Poetry, and Prose
The Magicians' Card, Volume 1
First Magyk: Guardians of the Path, Book 1
Child of Humanity
When it's Over, A Novel
Antonius: Son of Rome
Emmie of Indianapolis
Follow the Dove
The Bad Seed: Battle for the Heavens
Kissing Stars Over the Rising Sun
The Greenest Branch: A Novel of Germany's First Female Physician
Elise and the Astonishing Aquanauts
Ravensrise: Volume 1
Now that you've seen the list, I hope you'll share it on your social media feed to help these authors get noticed! Congrats if you've made the cut! I can't give you an exact date of when each book will be purchased and reviewed. I do have a day job, and much of my time is spent managing my own writing career, editing my mother's first book, creating a second Youtube channel for crafters, maintaining this website, taking care of my house, working out at the gym, among other things. Each book will be reviewed in the list order you see. All authors will be notified when their review is ready, and provided with a link. If you're an indie author who is interested in having your book reviewed by me, please see my review guidelines page.
Indie Book Review of The Unseen Promise
I wanted to like this book. I really did, as it hooked me in from the very beginning. But once the main character stopped being so, well, "main," I began to lose interest. I managed to get just over halfway through before I just gave up on finishing it. It's a pity, because the book has a lot going for it.
Pros:
-Writing style was beautiful, poetic even.
-The design and interior are artistic and pleasurable to look at, the text being large and easy to read. The images at the beginning of the chapters are a nice touch. Oddly enough, this book has no page numbers.
-I loved the different races, their abilities, and their descriptions. Franklin is good at originality here.
-A lot of the problems the characters face are ones that we face in our world, so they were easy to relate to.
Cons:
-The text is in serious need of re-editing. There were a lot of grammatical errors. I don't mind a few here and there, but sometimes entire sentences just didn't make sense.
-This book has too many characters, and too many story lines woven together. After a time, I had to keep turning pages back to understand what was going on. This was the main reason I decided to not continue reading this book. There was just way too much going on, too much jumping around, and too many names to keep track of.
-The profanity, while not a personal objection, felt very out of place in this fantasy world. Reading it was like watching a medieval knight suddenly pull out a smartphone and start using it.
-One of the secondary characters, who I ironically found far more interesting than Roedanth the main character, dies a needless death for no reason at all. This was when the book really took a nosedive for me. How can a story get better when your favorite character is killed off for no reason at all?
A final note:
I think Ellen Mae Franklin has great potential as an author, but I think this story was too much for her to start with. Writing something not so epic would be a better option. A tighter plot, less characters, less jumping around, and more editing and beta reading could turn this "The Unseen Promise" into a masterpiece.
Indie Book Review of We Are Immeasurable, by B. L. McGrew
This review contains no spoilers.
I’m just going to say it right now---I don’t usually read teen fiction, kind of like the people who never eat salads or deviled eggs, or onions. It’s just not my margarita, and that’s okay. To each her own and all of that. Yes, there is a ‘but’ coming, and not the kind that farts gas. The ‘but’ I’m referring to is the fact that not only did I actually enjoy reading a book that is not my usual genre, but that We Are Immeasurable is one of the best indie books I’ve had the pleasure of reading and reviewing. That’s saying a lot, because most indie books suck.
There, I said it, and I’m an indie author too. Bite me.
We Are Immeasurable is the touching, coming-of-age story of an 18-year-old girl who wishes to go to public high school for her senior year. This sounds pretty cliche so far, right? But here’s the breath of fresh air in what would have ended up being just another high school story: Ezmerelda is blind.
High school is challenging enough when you don’t have a disability, but when you do, it can be like relearning the alphabet. Ezmerelda, who actually did have to relearn the alphabet in the form of Braille, now has to learn how to navigate an environment that does not cater to blind students. From the stares she cannot see, but sense, to the limited collection of Braille books in the library, she knows she is in for a challenge, perhaps her greatest in a short life that has already seen more than its share of hell. Even more annoying than all this is her new friend Barnaby, a boy whom she would really love to punch because of his big mouth that never closes. But if she didn’t have him, she’d have no friends at all.
I adored Ezmerelda, who prefers to be called Maizie, right from the first page. It was obvious early on that she was a strong, stubborn young woman that was determined not to let her blindness of the last five or six years ruin the joy in her life. She was tough and brave, yet feminine enough to not put people off. I can’t stand female characters that are far too confident to ever admit that they need help occasionally, or ones that act perfect at all times. Maizie was neither of these, and I found myself wishing that I could meet her face-to-face, because I think we’d be great pals.
Barnaby was an insanely likeable character. Annoyingly loveable, and funny as a comedian, he was highly entertaining to read about, especially when he was going out of his way to tease Maizie and make her mad enough to throw things at him.
B.L. McGrew has many elements in her writing that impress me more than a person who stops aging without the help of night cream. The three that stood out best for me were the characters, humor, and dialogue.
Characters: Ezmerelda, her sister Amaya, and her friend Barnaby were so well-painted in their descriptions, mannerisms and ways of speaking, that I often felt like they were right there in the room with me as I read the text.
Humor: It’s been a long time since I’ve read a book that’s been laugh-out-loud funny, but this one had me wiping my eyes and blowing my nose because my face tends to turn into a swamp when I laugh too much.
Dialogue: Beautifully written, the chemistry and humor in the interactions between characters was very enjoyable, and often highly amusing to read because of the sarcasm. As a person who can’t live without her daily dose of sarcasm, I greatly appreciated this.
The only thing I really didn’t care for about the book (though it didn’t detract from the skill with which it was written) was the fact that it was written in the present tense. I don’t know if this is just a trend in the teen book genre, but I see it a lot these days and I just don’t prefer it. McGrew wrote a great book, but I would have enjoyed it better if it was in past tense. On the other hand, the present tense passively represents and re-enforces the live-in-the-moment theme that the book pounds into you from chapter one to the epilogue, so perhaps it was done for that reason.
Tenses aside, this book is not to be missed!
Indie Book Review of Finding Pandora, Book One: World
POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD----READ WITH CAUTION.
Arriete Monroe is living peacefully in a remote village on a different planet than our own,, when her ex-boyfriend appears at her door, asking for her help in saving her best friend's life, despite the fact that the best friend ran off with the boyfriend and became engaged to him, betraying Arriete in the process. Arriete agrees to accompany her former lover because of her forgiveness toward her wayward friend. What follows is a journey fraught with betrayal, rescue, and a sort of re-birth that arms Arriete with new abilities she never had before, along with a small army of new friends that claim that she is the chosen one who will prevent an impending war. I'll begin with the positive. The story I've summarized above had a great deal of potential with its wide variety of interesting races that all have distinct powers or gifts according to what species they are, and the premise of other planets with great cities to mentally explore was intriguing. However, the potential suffered under the following flaws that were too obvious to ignore:
-As writers, we are told not to info-dump at the beginning of a book to avoid boring the reader to an early grave, but this book explained so little about its setting, people's abilities, and background that I was WISHING for some info-dumping to come my way. Various races and their abilities were mentioned, yet there was little to no description about them or the "gifts" they possessed. This book takes place on another planet, and there was not much of a picture painted of it, no image to build in my mind. The book takes place about 7000 years after our own era...why are people living in thatched-roof cottages like in the Middle Ages? Why do some of them wear old-fashioned homespun dresses, when others wear modern swimsuits and cardigan sweaters? There was a lot of potential for world-building here, but it never sprouted wings.
-Plot was very slow-moving, with action scenes few and far between. When there was any conflict, there was absolutely no buildup of suspense, no sense of urgency or me worrying about the fate of the characters involved. Also, the choppiness of the action scenes (as well as others) often made it difficult to grasp what had just happened, and I often had to turn back a page or two to see if I had missed anything. What I mean by choppy in this circumstance is that it felt like parts of the story were missing or rushed, mostly the former. The flow just wasn't there in a lot of instances, meaning that there was sometimes no smooth transition between scenes. I was often left to wonder how the characters got from one situation from another. One minute they were in a cabin, the next, by a gate. Where did that come from, and how did they get there? I began to get the feeling that everyone knew the art of Apparition from the Harry Potter Books.
-There was far too much dialogue. I felt like all the characters did was talk, talk, talk, until I just wanted them to stop because it was severely dragging down the pacing of the book. There was page after page of conversation, and what made it particularly difficult to get through was the fact that I wasn't always sure which character was talking, forcing me to backtrack and re-read parts of the dialogue.
-During the narrative (or non-dialogue parts), I found the writing style in the narrative to be completely devoid of emotion, without the author's 'voice.' if you will. There was little indication of what was going on within the characters' heads. To characters that people will care about (even villains), letting the reader know what they are thinking is essential.
-This is just my opinion, but one of the Vampires (referred to as Vampyrs. in the book is called a vegetarian by the other characters because she drinks animal, not human blood. I'm sorry, but you cannot be a vegetarian if you eat animal blood. A creative word for this deviant vampire could have easily been thought up, rendering her unusual tastes more interesting and amusingly irritating to other Vampyrs who possibly despise her for her more moral choices. Perhaps "Faunatarian," because "fauna" refers to animals?
On a final note, I really wanted to enjoy this book. As I stated above, it had loads of potential. A drastic re-write could elevate this book into the level a five-star novel, but in it's current state it is not a particularly entertaining read. I had no desire to read the sequel once I finished it. I'm stating my honest opinions here not to hurt the author's feelings, but to assist her in fixing the mistakes all writers make at the beginning of their career, and I wish to be as kind as possible in saying them. I wish her all the best in her growth as a writer.
Indie Book Review of Secrets, Lies, & Crawfish Pies
Secrets, Lies, & Crawfish Pies is the first in a cozy mystery series that feature the fortyish-year-old medical examiner Romaine Wilder, who was born and raised in the small town of Roble (pronounced ro-BLAY) in East Texas. Crawfish festivals are a huge deal here, along with everyone knowing everyone else’s business, which is probably why Romaine left in the first place. Now, the loss of her job in Chicago is bringing her back until she figures out what to do with her life.
The plot of this book hooked me in right away, and then the bait stopped coming. The blurb is interesting enough: Romaine Wilder, a big-city medical examiner, returns to the small town she grew up in until she can find another job slicing open the dead and determining their cause of death. Equally interesting is that her bossy elderly Auntie Zanne has owned, operated and lived in her own funeral home for decades. While Romaine only plans to stay with her aunt until she finds employment back in Chicago, her aunt has her heart set on her niece finding an eligible man and settling down where she can keep a watchful southern eye on things. Both agendas are somewhat thwarted when they come home to find a dead body that doesn’t appear on their list of stiffs that are sent to them for embalming. They make up their minds to solve this mystery.
The plot of this book seemed intriguing enough. Then I got my first red flag in the very first chapter when I read this clunker of a sentence:
“Anxiety simmering, embarrassment teetering, I clutched my highball glass tightly in hand, gave a tug on my mini, off-the-shoulder Tadashi Shoji blush-colored cocktail dress, and headed off on my mission.”
I don’t know if you noticed, but five adjectives were used to describe one dress. I hoped the entire book wasn’t going to be that way, or seventy-five percent of the text was going to be adjectives. But I pressed on, willing to overlook the small things in favor of a promising plot.
After a few chapters, I started to lose interest in moving forward. I just could not get into the slow pacing of this book. While the chapters were short, some of them could have been skipped entirely for all the information they gave and the events that occurred, which were few in number and devoid of excitement. There seemed to be way too much dialogue in some chapters, and not enough building up of tension. New characters were introduced, then never seen again. If they did show up again, I don’t know...I didn’t stick with the book long enough to find out.
There was only one character in the story that actually seemed three-dimensional. Unfortunately, I kept wanting to punch her because she was so annoying. Auntie Zanne, also known as Babet. Her sole function seemed to be sticking her nose everywhere it had no business being, from the murder investigation to Romaine's personal life. I was glad she wasn't MY aunt, because I would have told her off.
I must confess that I personally did not find this book to be a page-turner. After getting through 130 pages, which was roughly half of the book, I had to stop reading. This was the first cozy mystery I’ve ever read, so I don’t know if they’re all like this. Maybe they’re just not my crawfish pie, but this story didn’t do a whole lot to entertain me. In fact, I was bored. Others might not feel the same, so don’t just take my word for it. Read it yourself. In contrast, I’ve seen a lot of poorly-rated and unpopular movies that were right up my dark alley, so in the end, it’s all down to perspective.
Ten Stupid Things People Say to Writers
Yes, I get it that somewhere along that inky, writerly line, you’ve probably read a list like this, or watched a video on the topic via Youtube. And look...here’s one more. Indulge me. I am one irritated writer right now, and irritated writers often spew out funny things, along with vomit from drinking too much. This time, I promise it’s only words. Maybe. Oh look…wine!
1. "But there's no money in writing!"
Tell that to Stephen King, JK Rowling, Danielle Steele, and my late author friend who once earned enough to pay off her house in one shot. I suppose they’ll be joining the rest of us starving authors at the food bank once a month, right? Yeah, I know that most authors don’t earn millions, but maybe I don’t want to earn millions. Maybe I just want to earn enough to quit that day job that’s been a thorn up my backside since I started working there. Trust me, even earning enough to equal that lousy paycheck would make me quite content.
2. "So, when can I get my free copy?"
If you spent years working on something, would you give it away free, like you didn’t sweat blood bullets over it, swear at it, or cry tears of frustration? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Even a few months of agonizing work on a book doesn’t make me just want to give it away. Tell you what. You give me some money first, say, an amount that happens to equal or excel the cost of my book if you’re feeling generous, and then I’ll give you a copy for free. Or, you can visit the library and steal theirs. Even you ought to be able to afford those late fees.
3. "So, how much money have you made?"
I’ll tell you how much I’ve made if you show me your next pay stub. Deal? No? You don't like it when I inquire about your income? Well, neither do I when you ask about mine. How much an author makes is no business of yours. Unless I actually become a millionaire, because then I might just be tempted to rub it into the face of the person who told me, "There's no money in writing books!"
4. "Oh, you're writing a book? I've been wanting to do that forever."
Yeah, sure you have. Just like I’ve been wanting to lose weight for the last twenty years. Don’t act like an author wannabe; we real writers can detect you the second you spout the words, “I’ve been wanting to do that forever,” especially if you're the type who doesn't even make reading a habit. How can you possibly think that anyone will take you seriously when you only own seven books, and five of them are comic books? Trust me; if you wanted to write a book badly enough, you would have done it by now.
5. "Oh, you're self-published? So that means you're not a real author then, right?"
Yes, that’s exactly what that means. I’m just a frickin’ figment of your imagination that creates imaginary books that people pretend to read. I suppose the money I make is fake too, so I’d better not try to spend it or I’ll be arrested for counterfeiting. For those of you who don’t know, many authors you’re familiar with began as self-published. Ever read Peter Rabbit? Guess what? I suppose that wasn’t a real book either, just like mine! These are the people I want to punch most often, but I'll just have to settle for putting them in my next book and giving them embarrassing deaths.
6. "You'll never succeed with writing. There's too much competition."
Somehow, anything creative is fair game for criticism when people announce they want to try to make money with it. But when people want to sell Avon or jewelry for a living, they get oodles of support. The very interesting truth is that they have way more competition than writers have with one another because a lot less people write than sell company products. Writers only have to compete with other people that have actually finished a manuscript. Statistically, only 3% of writers ever finish writing a book if they start one, so I’d say my odds of success aren’t that bad when you add in the other honest truth that most indie books are terrible. A great article that further illustrates these points can be found here.
7. "So, what makes you think your books are good?"
I’ve never claimed they were. That’s up to my readers to decide whether or not my books are worthy of purchase, not me. This is why we have product reviews. What I have claimed to do is release the best books I possibly can, even if I have to pull them off the market temporarily to fix mistakes that were missed a few years ago when they were first released (which is why, as of this date, only one of my books is on the market), along with regularly improving my editing skills, productivity, and my commitment to connecting with my readers. I’ve also dedicated a lot of my social media time to helping other writers that need it. We were all beginners at some point in the craft, and it’s a tough place to be.
8. "Writing books for a living sounds so boring!"
So, are you trying to tell me that working at a factory the rest of your life is so much more entertaining? If you’ve figured out the secret to enjoying working under someone else, battling cranky customers and/or bosses, driving to work in blizzards, getting up before dawn, and managing the rest of your schedule around a job, then please give me a call. In fact, give everyone a call. We want to know that secret!
9. “It’s so nice that your little hobby can make money!”
My “little hobby,” as you call it, isn’t just the next level of Fortnite here, easily attained after a few hours of work (or twenty minutes if you're my son on a sugar high). Non-writers never realize how many years it takes to improve at what we do. I’ve been at it for 23 years, and I’m still striving to improve the quality of my writing. Don’t compare writing with things like gaming, crafting, or cooking, because it takes way more years to become competent than it does with the aforementioned activities. The only thing remotely having the same difficulty level is probably musical instrument training. Trust me, I know from experience. I play the piano.
10. “You won’t get far in the publishing world because you’re a certain race/gender, etc.”
I’m calling bullshit on this one, because in the end, great books speak for themselves, and they don’t care whether the hand that wrote them is male, female, transgender, LGBT, or what color their skin is. Wonderful writing can come from anyone who puts in the time and hard work. A little talent helps too, but it’s mostly nose-to-the-grindstone behavior that’s going to get writers far in the publishing industry. Add to that a high degree of professionalism, self-discipline, a few learned marketing skills and a dash of luck, and I really don’t see what is stopping you from making a big splash in the publishing pool. Just don’t pee in the water.
Indie Book Review of "One of Windsor: the Untold Story of America's First Witch Hanging"
One of Windsor: the Untold Story of America’s First Witch Hanging chronicles the life of Alice Young, born Alice Ashby, from her birth to her execution as an alleged witch of Windsor, Connecticut, which happened about 45 years before the Salem witch trials. Originally from England, she emigrated to The New World at the age of 20, met and married John Young, and had a family. She was executed for witchcraft in her late forties.
The start of any book is supposed to hook you in immediately. After all, that’s what makes you want to keep on reading, right? There was nothing like that here. The first chapter begins with two ministers (one being a young Cotton Mather) yacking on and on about the sin pervading the colonies, and how they must stop it, meaning that innocent people will be accused and executed for witchcraft. I kept hoping for something exciting to happen, but was disappointed. Nevertheless, I wanted to give this book a chance and kept reading. After all, some books just have slow beginnings but turn out to be masterpieces, such as Les Miserables and Gone With the Wind.
In Chapter 2, we witness the birth of our heroine Alice Young, whose mother is attended by her female cousins, the Tinker family. Too many characters were introduced by name to keep them all straight in my mind, and it took three attempts to really remember who most of them were. There is Alsie Ashby, Alice Ashby, Gwendolyn the midwife, Mrs. Mary Merwin Tinker, Sara Tinker, Ellen Tinker, little Mary Tinker, Margaret Tinker, Robert Tinker, Rhody Tinker, and John Tinker, not to mention three people who were dead, and all of these people are mentioned in the second chapter. How is a reader to keep fourteen people straight?
As writers, we’re often told to show what is happening with scenes and dialogue, not to just tell/speak of unfolding events with little character participation other than the person or persons filling in the roles of people just doing things. Don’t tell me how there were bad smells of vomit and cockroach infestations on the ship that took you to America...show me. Show me that the odors were so bad that you thought you’d never inhale fresh air again, especially since the captain and crew forced you and your fellow passengers to stay in the dark and foul-smelling, closet-sized cabins for nearly three months. Show me how you felt when the roaches crawled on you and how you probably had to pick them out of your putrid food. Show me what it was like to not be able to wash your clothes for those two-and-a-half months when being crammed in that cabin with seven other people. Never have I read so much “tell” and barely any “show.” I felt like I was reading the narration of a story, or better yet, a history book, never truly getting into the minds of the characters. The most predominant writing pattern was that the chapters alternated between many pages of “telling” and long pages of dialogue in which each character spoke a large paragraph during conversations.
The dialogue, when it occurred between bouts of telling, was uninspired and devoid of humor. The characters were so indistinctive from one another that I often couldn’t tell who was doing the talking, which was often in complete sentences that felt very forced and unnatural. No slang, no improper English, no short, clipped sentence fragments, which are the ways real people actually speak. One of them even used the phrase, “Nice to meet you,” which sounded way too modern for 17th-century English. Something like, “I am honored to meet thee,” would have been better.
In discussing the many many characters, I found them all to be incredibly dull and one-dimensional. I honestly could not care about any of them, and none of them really stood out. Alice was supposed to be the star of this book, but I rarely got a glimpse of what was going on inside her head. Her most compelling moment for me was when she was told to remove the lace from her cap by a minister because it was against the law for a servant to wear such finery, and she secretly stitches it to her undergarments because she’s desperate to hold onto this last souvenir from her homeland. Heaven forbid people actually want to look nice, right? Other than this moment, I saw nothing else about Alice that truly showed who she was as a person or made her interesting, other than her “second sight” (which was mentioned and never touched on again), and her extensive knowledge of herbal properties. Granted, I know that little is known about the real Alice Young’s life, but in fiction we are allowed some artistic license in a case like this to keep the story interesting. Make me care about the woman whom I know will die an unfair, early and tragic death.
I read six more chapters (totalling a hundred pages) of this book before I finally had to give up. I really despise not being able to finish a book, but I was having to force myself to keep reading. I thought the story looked very promising, as I’m very much interested in the history surrounding America’s first colonies, particularly the Salem witch trials. The premise of this book was exciting, and the editing was quite good, but it just was not a winner for me.
What I Do if I Can't Give Your Book a High Rating
A lot of book bloggers get this question. What happens if a book doesn't make the cut? Will you tear it to pieces and post it for the whole world to see? Not necessarily. I won't be mean when I point out what needs fixing in the manuscript, but I won't pull the wool over your eyes either. What I will do is offer constructive criticism that can help turn a so-so book into something worth reading. The best books I review get video coverage on my Youtube channel, those ranging in the four and five-star category. What do I do with the rest? Read on to find out.
When I became a book reviewer, my goal was to help other indie authors find their wings, but I can't help them improve their work by lying to them about the quality of it. We writers all write garbage when we first start out, which is fine because it's all part of the process of working out those beginner kinks that hopefully won't show up later. What isn't acceptable is making the mistake of publishing the first one or two books we write, because those will be our poorest-quality books by far. Even if authors do make that mistake, I just can't pretend it's a good book if it isn't.
I'm now going to share with you what I do when I find that a book I'm reviewing isn't up to scratch. There are many reasons a book isn't great, among them being poor writing mechanics, no talent, uninspired dialogue, etc. Though many things can push a book's rating to the lower end of the spectrum, some books are salvageable with a bit of work and patience. Basically, the story could be fantastic, but the dialogue flat. Or, the characters are unbelievably real, but the setting isn't accurate, etc. For the books that aren't salvageable, I write the kindest constructive review I can and post it online.
For the books that have great potential, I write to the author and share with them what could turn their "pretty good" book into one that I'd love to read over and over again. The purpose of this is to give them a chance to pull their book from the market and fix it before other people post bad reviews of what could have been a wonderful book.
What follows is one of those author letters, in which I have kept the identity of the author and the title of the book secret, along with its characters.
Dear Author ________,
Less than a month ago, you responded to one of my tweets on Twitter regarding my request for more indie author books to read and review. I’m happy to tell you that I’ve just finished reading your book, ________, and I enjoyed it very much, enough to add the rest of your books to my to-be-read list. I am, however, reluctant to be the first reviewer of ________ because I can’t possibly give it a five-star rating in its current state, and that would hurt your sales. As an indie author myself, and one who endeavors to support her fellow self-published authors, I think that you deserve the chance to fix the things in your book that will potentially lower your future ratings.
Now, before you throw something at me, I want to point out that ________ has so many positive things going for it, which I will list here:
1. It was definitely a page-turner, and I finished the read-through in less than a week. I found myself returning to the book several times a day, even if it was only for a few minutes, because I kept wanting to know what was going to happen next. You have created a very heartwarming tale, and it was a delight to read from the prologue to the epilogue.
2. As I dove deeper into Character One's world, I really got some useful perspective on the lives of those who are disabled. Disability is often misunderstood, as well as frightening to those who do not suffer from it, but your book makes a great contribution in helping light to be shed on this topic. We need more books like this. The last book I reviewed, We Are Immeasurable, by B.L. McGrew, featured a blind teenager who wanted to spend her final high school year in a regular school. Both We Are Immeasurable and your book fill a niche that is often ignored, and that’s a good thing.
This quote from the book is unforgettable: “They say time heals all wounds, but wounds will always leave scars.”
3. Character One and Character Two were a delight to read about, especially Character Two. They were definitely not cardboard characters with no life. They both had sparkle.
4. I liked the cover of the book. It was simple, and looks good in thumbnail size.
As far as the problems in this book go, don’t sweat it; many of them are easy fixes, and let’s face it---writing a book is insanely difficult. I call it “childbirth of the brain,” because that’s what it is. ________ is a good book, but it could be a great book if you address the following issues:
1. The book is in dire need of editing. I get it...editing is about as much fun as pulling out your own teeth, and editors aren’t cheap. A poorly-edited manuscript is something that your readers will notice, and trust me---they will take their frustrations out on you by leaving bad reviews, which can kill your sales and your reputation as an author. You don’t want that, especially after all the hard work you’ve put in. Unlike most book reviewers, I actually care that my words could do potential harm. I believe in this book, that it could be really wonderful one day, so I posted no review online. You deserve better, which is why I want to help you fix it.
2. There were far too many scenes that involved the sequence of Character One doing the following: getting up, showering, and picking out his clothes after “limping out of bed." There were probably at least five of these. I think they were written to hammer in that just a simple thing like getting ready in the morning is very challenging for those who are physically disabled, so here is a possible alternative that would accomplish the same goal: Make the very first “getting up” scene as detailed about Character One's difficulties as possible, adding some sort of line saying, “For a person suffering with the hell of incurable kidney failure, getting ready each morning was about as easy as an obese person trying to run five miles without training.” On future days of Character One’s life, you could just say, “He got up and drove to the college.”
3. While I’m on the topic of repetition, there were too many of Character One’s “getting out of the car” scenes, as well. As with his “getting ready for the day scene,” just make the first mention of it a hellish description for the readers, then all other “getting out of the car” scenes can just be summed up in one sentence. For example, “Character One left the car and entered the dialysis building.” Fixing this issue can cut down of repetitiveness.
4. Speaking of repetitiveness, I noticed a lot of same-word repetition in the same paragraph. For example, in Chapter 10, you ended four sentences in the same paragraph with the word “it.” It was the paragraph where the doctor was examining Character One’s swollen arm after his infection.
5. Mentioning every tiny action is not necessary. Readers don’t need to know that Character One flipped a light switch, closed a door, or turned left and right down a hallway, or loaded his wheelchair into his truck (when we know he does that already from a previous scene). These actions are usually implied, but they can be tedious to read through.
Here are some things I wanted to see, or issues I just have questions about:
1. I wanted to see Character One and his best friend saying farewell for the last time, and just more of the friend in general, particularly a conversation between the two men in regards to Character One's decision to permanently end his dialysis treatment. As Character One’s best friend, I would have thought that he would have tried to talk him out of it, or at least have been at the funeral.
2. Why did Character One spend six years in college, only to decide to end his life right after graduation? I thought he wanted to be a college professor.
3. As much as I loved the relationship between Character One and Character Two, I felt like it happened way too fast to be believable. I felt that their relationship, while sweet, had them too trusting of one another way too quickly. For example, you just don’t give a person you met only one week ago the spare key to your house, especially in this day and age. Might have worked for a story that took place in the 1950s, but it doesn’t work now. You might fix the too-fast relationship issue in this way: Have Character One suddenly decide that he needs a change in his life, and he decides to move back to Galveston Island and live in his parent’s beach house. He makes a new friend on the ghost tour on his first week back on the island (Character Two), and the two become fast friends and spend a lot of time getting to know one another over the next few months, eventually developing feelings for one another. Unfortunately, watching others enjoy their “normal” lives in bliss in the tourist destination becomes too much for Character One, because he knows that his medical problems will bring, and are bringing challenges to his and Character Two’s relationship that he isn’t sure he wants them to handle. That, coupled with his being tired of constant medical treatments, is what compels him to, without Character Two’s knowledge, end his dialysis treatments and live out his final days touring the island and trying to get as much enjoyment out of these last days as possible, until he has his heart attack on the Pleasure Pier. He wakes up the next day and confesses his plans to Character Two, who, with her backbone of steel, chews him out royally for wanting to die, but admits that nothing could ever make her stop loving him, and that, despite the permanent damage to his heart, her heart belongs to him until the end.
4. I think Character One’s death would have made a bigger impact on the reader if we could have seen it through Character Two’s eyes, which is a classic example of it needing to be a “show, don’t tell,” moment. We, as the readers have been with Character One in all his struggles, heartbreaks, in each drop of blood spilled and every scream of his pain. We need to be there at his death. Don’t be afraid to make us cry at his side with the one he loves.
5. What happened to Character One’s parents? Not many 27-year-olds have dead parents, as I got the impression they had died. You could slip in that perhaps they died in an accident or something, perhaps in the last hurricane on the island.
In closing, I want you to know that I think you’re a very talented writer. If at some point _______ receives the polishing it needs, I would be happy to read the new edition and leave a review online. Your book is too good to not let it get the best treatment you can give it, and reading it was truly an honor.
I remain, respectfully, your ally and comrade in this fight to help indie authors write the best books they can write and win the respect they deserve. If you ever need advice, don’t hesitate to contact me via my Twitter handle, which is @prospero1501.
Sincerely,
Andria Redlin, Indie Author and Indie Book Reviewer
END OF EXAMPLE
As I've often said, sometimes the best way to learn how to do something is to learn how not to do it. I hope this example of constructive book criticism has been of help to all writers who are reading this, and I do hope you'll share it with them so they can benefit.
Dear Dick Pic Men
If you’re a woman on social media, it’s likely going to happen to you eventually; you’re gonna open your messages, hoping to find something of value. Instead, your eyes will be assaulted by a photo of a man’s junk, and I’m not talking about the junk he keeps in the garage. This, my friends, is the Dick Pic, and they need to stop.
Dear Dick Pic Men:
First of all, just knock it off already; the dick pic sending-not your actual dick. But hey, whatever it takes for you to stop sending them if you have such a low lack of self-control. Because most women are not impressed by these photos. The only thing those pics tell us is that you only let one of your heads do most of your thinking. Judging by which one appears in the photo, it isn’t hard to see which one that is. Now, if the size of your dick was an accurate indicator of the size of your brain, then I’d be impressed! Maybe. But since it isn’t, let’s move on.
Aside from being creepy, the action of sending a dick pic is just plain rude, as well as a form of sexual harassment. Just because you’re flashing us online instead of in person does not mean this is acceptable. Women have been dealing with this kind of treatment for centuries, from cat calls when we’re just trying to take a simple walk through the neighborhood, to men plastering their eyes all over us in a way that makes us feel like we forgot to put on clothes. Now that we live in the modern world, dick pics are becoming an epidemic, or “dickpickademic,” if you will.
I don’t really have a clue what you think is supposed to happen when you flash us a picture of your willie. If it’s reciprocation in the form of what resides in our undies, good luck with that one, because most women are just going to hit that Block button and call it a day with the knowledge that one less good guy exists in the world. Congrats...you’ve officially found the best way to instantly alienate any potential dating partner or friend. In sending us that kind of picture, or “dickture,” what reaction (other than the slim chance of reciprocation) are you hoping to get? If you’re looking for shock value, well, you’ve accomplished that. But as for anything else, forget it, unless you’re thinking of disgust, because that’s more of an accurate representation of what we’re feeling when our eyes are assaulted by your smaller brain. If you’re trying to impress us, you’re barking up the wrong chicken here. Go back to the funny farm and crow. A dickture is worth a thousand turds.
Here are some of the things that actually would impress a woman. In fact, let’s use me as an example.
Things That Would Impress Me More than the World’s Biggest Dick if I Was Single:
-The size of your library. I read books, and I write books. Books are my life. If you’re a man that reads, you’ve already scored some brownie points. Show me a shelf full of books (and I mean real books, not comic books), and I’ll be very happy.
-The size of your heart. Empathy, sympathy, and just about anything else ending in -pathy are welcome here, as long as it’s not related to psychopathy. Most women are just looking for a man who isn’t afraid to show emotion or feeling. We don’t expect you to bawl your eyes out every time the “Remember Me” scene plays in Disney’s Coco, but for heaven’s sake, it’s perfectly acceptable for a man to cry at his mother’s funeral!
-Can you cook? When I’m lying on the couch too sick to move because of the latest assault of the common cold, you’d better not expect me to cook you dinner. And when I say, “Cook dinner please, would you honey?” I don’t mean dial for pizza, unless it’s been a month since we’ve eaten it.
-How clean are you? Do you come home from work and trash the house, or do you know how to operate a vacuum and wash a dish? I’m not your mother. Keep your home decent-looking and you’ll impress any woman. I don’t think immaculate should be a requirement, because that’s just too damn close to perfection, and perfection is boring. A happy medium will do. We just don’t like getting hit in the face by dirty sock odor upon entering the house.
-Are you good with kids? Because some women are not, and I’m one of them! Are you going to help them with homework when I’m busy cooking dinner? Or am I going to be expected to do those two things at the same time after a full day at my job? Just because I’m a woman, it does not mean I possess both maternal instincts and the knowledge of how to make lasagna without burning it. Share the workload!
-Can you hold down a job, or do you always have one foot out the door at your place of work? Sorry to break it to you, but women like financial stability because we constantly think of our children’s needs, even before they are born. When they’re in the womb, trust me---we’re already thinking about how much college is going to cost. At least, most of us mothers do. I used to, until my teenage son started taking care of himself. Now, that part of my life is bliss.
-Can you remember important things like my birthday without having to rely on Facebook reminders? It’s not rocket science to remember what happens on a few certain days of the year. If you can remember things like Christmas, I don’t think my birthday or our anniversary days are too much to be acknowledged.
-Are you going to be there for me in times of crisis? If my grandma or my dad become terminally ill or pass away, are you going to help me with end-of-life care or funeral arrangements, or am I going to have to muscle my way through my grief to get through those unbearable proceedings?
-Are your finances in order? Look, I don’t expect great wealth here. I just want to know that your car isn’t about to be repo’d.
-Will your parents get along with my parents? If they love starting fights with my family during the holiday celebrations, I really hope you have the balls to put them in their place and tell them to mind their own business. Just don't show them a photo. On that note, if you want to know the fastest and most effective way to be blocked, the dickture will be most effective.
A Critical Review of the Musical "Come From Away"
I suppose you could say that I have odder-than-usual preferences when it comes to musicals. I’m probably the only person on this planet that can’t stand Rodger’s and Hammerstein’s two highly-acclaimed musicals OKLAHOMA! and Cinderella, neither of which amount to being much more than fluff in my opinion. I like my musicals bloody, broody, depressing, mysterious, and to actually mean something that questions who we are as human beings. Among these would be my four favorite musicals: Sweeney Todd, Les Miserables, The Phantom of the Opera, and Little Shop of Horrors. Death and mayhem beat at the heart of every one of them, but they also have the capacity to cause me to shed tears both happy and sad as I journey with their very deep characters, laugh at their humor, and experience emotions that leave me wanting more. Some musicals have none of these abilities, and the one I’m about to tell you about has none of them.
Last Saturday, the hubster and I were able to score some free tickets to go to the Connor Palace in downtown Cleveland to see a relatively new musical called Come From Away. For those of you unfamiliar with it, it tells a true story that takes place in the tiny town of Gander in Newfoundland, a town that woke up one morning to discover that about 7000 people were about to become their guests, and they certainly were not tourists; they were the passengers of the 38 planes rerouted for their own safety on the day of the 9/11 attacks. No one knew how long the stranded passengers would be there, but one thing was certain: they would all need food, clothing, and places to sleep.
I’m not certain this would be great fodder for making a musical. A documentary probably. Maybe even a movie. But how was it as a musical? It sucked. Stay with me, and I’ll tell you why in a moment.
Sometimes, free tickets aren't always such a good thing. I’m beginning to wonder if my mother caught wind of the negative reviews of this atrocity of a stage production and pretended that she had to work that day so she could give the tickets to me and spend an afternoon at home on the couch. Just kidding, Mom. I know you meant well, but I’m truly sorry that you actually spent money on this show. You’re better off seeing The Lion King, trust me. I don’t know if I’m just missing something, or maybe I just don’t like “fluffy” musicals, but I really think Come From Away should have just stayed away.
Nearly every review I’ve read about this musical has been good, or at least favorable. Very few have been negative, and I’m sorry to say that this is the crowd I’m part of. Maybe I just need a few more therapy sessions. What was so horrible about Come From Away? I suppose I should start with the positive, since that won’t take long.
Positive
-The cast was very talented and their voices were pleasant on the ears, but even their level of talent was not enough to carry the show, similar to how a big-name actor cannot carry the weight of an entire film on his shoulders. They can do their best, but it still comes down to writing skills, music, and all the other group elements that are welded together to create a finished product that audiences will like. Oh wait...this was supposed to be the positive stuff.
Negative
-The lack of scene changes. Imagine a movie with the same set being used in every scene, regardless of where the scene was supposed to be, or what it was about. I’m sorry, but you’re never going to convince me that a brick wall is an airplane door. The stage was set up to look like the inside of a bar...and except for the chairs being moved around into different positions for every song, that was it. No imagination was put into the set design. Even though my tickets had been free, I still felt ripped off, because I’ve seen high schools do better with set design. That’s rather pathetic when you’re only paying 20 bucks a ticket to see something designed by a bunch of teenagers in the after-school drama club. Believe me, I was in drama club, and a lot of our sets were better than the uninspired single set used in this production. For a show that costs an average of 90 bucks a ticket, I’d expect a lot more visual entertainment than a turntable and a literal game of “Musical” Chairs. Considering the fact that elaborate costumes were not needed (since it takes place in 2001), they could have used that extra money to have a few more sets. I might add that the scenes of passengers being on an airplane were using nothing more than two rows of chairs to simulate an airplane on stage. Pathetic. This is what your hard-earned cash is paying for?
-Too many dual-roles. The entire cast was comprised of maybe 20 people, each of whom played at least two roles. This was not only confusing, but, like the single set, cheapened the sense that you were seeing a high-budget production. The producers could have fixed both of these problems in one shot by using the stage’s turntable to rotate back and forth between two sets, and two groups of actors. The first “roles” that the group played were the townsfolk of Gander, and the second group of roles were the stranded people of the plane. Trying to keep track of what was going on was a pain in the ass, because the people kept switching back and forth to their other roles.
-The group-group-group monotony of the entire musical. Nearly every song was a group number that consisted of singing and dancing, making for a rather repetitive experience. There were hardly any solo roles, which was a pity for a group of very talented singers. Also, one of the worst things about group numbers is the fact that as an audience member, you don’t really know where to focus your attention. Too much is going on to really look at one person, and there were also too many voices to understand the lyrics. They could have sung the songs in any language other than my native English, and I probably would have understood about as much. The Irish-inspired music was a nice touch, but could have been better if there had been more solo pieces to counteract the amount of cast ensemble numbers. This was probably the reason that I found so few of the songs to be memorable, and the entire production rather repetitive.
-Emotion and character depth were missing. You don’t have to be a writer to notice these things, but since I’ve become accustomed to making sure that my main characters have at least as much depth as a quarry, I’ve probably become hyper-sensitive to things of this sort. The characters in Come From Away gave me no sense of emotion, and I could not care less what happened to them. Even the scene where one of them finds out that a loved one has died as a result of the 9/11 attacks failed to drag a tear from my eye, and I’m the type of sentimental freak who bawls my eyes out at Disney films. It wasn’t so much of a blink-back-tear-moment as it was an I-saw-that-coming-a-mile-away-and-could-not-care-less-moment. I’m sorry. Shoot me in my little black heart. At least it would make me feel something.
In conclusion, I think that this musical would likely do well as a movie, since there would be more opportunity for a variety of sets, costume changes, and no dual roles that only create confusion. A film would evoke a better sense of suspense and emotion that was not felt in the musical. If a movie is made, I will give it a look, I promise.
The hubster claims that the time he spent at the performance of Come From Away is time he will never get back, so he is vowing to drag my butt to a football game. For me, that is a fate worse than death, so you’ll probably be reading a future article entitled “Making a Pass on Football,” or “20 Yards Away from Boredom,” or “Don’t Touchdown Me.” Title pending.
If any of you have seen Come From Away, I’m dying to know what you thought of it! Let me know in the comments below!
Author Exploitation Needs to Stop
In my home office, I am literally surrounded by books. Young Adult, autobiographies, horror, fantasy, true crime, and even more genres and subgenres than I can name. I’d be able to list more, but my caffeine levels have dropped. If I want to sleep tonight, coffee is out for the moment. Coffee is a big part of my life, probably about as much as books. Books and coffee kind of go hand in hand, as I’ve found over the many years I’ve been both a reader and a writer. I love books, and I love being surrounded by them like they’re my own private barrier against the world. When I first fell in love with books, it was for the reading of them, which later turned into the joy of writing my own.
However, there are times when I just want to set fire to every last one of them and watch their charred scraps fly into the wind.
Don’t cart me off to the nuthouse just yet. I haven’t yet explained why I sometimes regret the day I ever opened up Green Eggs and Ham as a toddler and discovered that this thing called a book could be my very best friend.
Here’s the short version: indie author exploitation.
Here’s the long version: I’m an indie author, and I just want to actually get paid for my work. Instead, the printer I went with gets most of the dough. How do I know this? Because the amount of sales in my records should match the number of copies I’m seeing for sale on Amazon’s website by various independent sellers. When they show X number of copies available, and you know you haven’t seen that many showing up as sales in your records, there’s something very wrong. I ought to be getting paid each time a retailer places an order from my printer, but I don’t.
I can only draw the conclusion that I am being robbed, exploited, and cheated out of the money I ought to be getting for my hard work. As an indie author, I am involved in every aspect of the publishing process. I write and edit the book. I design the cover and do all the formatting, a fate that may render me bald one of these days from all the stress it causes me. Let’s not even mention marketing. The point is, independent authors work their asses off to create a finished book, and what is out there waiting for us?
The scammers, the publishing package sellers, and the “publishers” that tell you your book is great, but since you’re a first-timer, you need to contribute funds because you’re unknown and therefore a bad risk.
I went on my Twitter feed this morning and read that one of my followers was offered a publishing deal, but her asshat of a publisher wanted money up front. Nearly everyone in the comment section told her to run far away and not look back. I just wanted to cry after seeing this. This kind of publisher makes me sick. First, they get an author’s hopes up, and when the author is busy doing cartwheels on Cloud 9, they present their “contract” in the hope that the poor writer will be too drunk on excitement to realize that they’re about to be scammed into signing something that will leave said writer broke, and the publisher in a position to pad their already-fat wallets.
It seems like being an independent writer these days has become a joke. I've been writing books for roughly half my life. Two are written, but not edited or published (because I refuse to unleash them to the public in their current condition). Two were published, but I've pulled them from the market for drastic rewrites. One is published, but now I'm considering pulling it off the market because I'm not getting paid for its sales to retailers. My mother has put her own writing career into my hands because of what I know and what I've learned about the publishing industry. Together, she and I have busted our humps to get her manuscript in pristine condition. I don't know how to tell her that for the first time in ages, I have no idea what her publishing path, or mine, should be. Should we go traditional, or stay indie?
I've dragged my heels for years about going traditional with my work, and I really believe that I could do it. But I happen to love being an indie author. Proud of it even. I enjoy having complete creative control over my books, not having to work according to someone else's deadline. But I don't love being scammed. I don't love not being able to help my mom, who after only a short time, is becoming a fantastic blogger on the low-carb lifestyle. I feel like a complete failure for suggesting that she write a book about "living la vida low-carb," because she's done her part, and I'm trying desperately to do mine. I want to help her succeed, but how am I supposed to do that when no reputable printer seems to exist?
Here are just some of the things that bad printers do that are disgraceful:
1. Not giving you a free ISBN number for your book. We already have to pay for everything else (editing, cover design, etc). Why should we pay for that as well? It's just a stupid little number, not a marriage license! Why do I have to pay a double-digit price for a number?
2. Not offering enough distribution choices, or any choices at all. I'm sorry, but I don't just want to sell my book on Amazon. I want to sell it through every online book distributor I can. I believe I have that right.
3. Having a minimum order quantity. No, I don't want 200 copies of my own book lying around the house. Not only do I not have the money to order that many, but I don't have the space as well. I also don't want my family thinking my ego is that big.
4. Not giving us enough control over the cost to print the book. I thought it would be a great idea to design and print journals to sell. They look good, but but to make even the very lowest profit, you want me to sell a 250-page BLANK BOOK for thirty bucks if I sell it anywhere online but your site? Seriously?
If you don't believe me, take a look at this:
Amazon
Their site
Even with the "discount" on "their site," $17.40 is still pretty pricey for a journal. You tell me how I'm supposed to make a living this way.
I've worked hard on my books. You’ve worked hard on your books. Do you really want someone else to get the money that you earned? I sure as hell don’t. I want my money, and I want the right to create and to actually be paid for my work. The truth is, I can’t fight this battle alone. I need other indie authors to join me and do something about it. Call out these con artists who scam and steal and ruin our literary careers before they’ve even had a chance to take off. They need to be publicly recognized for what they truly are. The exploitation of authors will only end if we make it stop.
Are you with me? I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but I know this for certain: If I have anything to do with it, #EndAuthorExploitation is going to become a lot more popular.
An Interview with B.L. McGrew, Indie Author Extraordinaire!
Hey guys! Andria Redlin here. You know…that crazy indie book reviewer that may or may not be working on her next manuscript? That girl. Yeah, well, anyways, today, I’ll be interviewing a very special young woman for my first EVER guest appearance on my blog, Lock, Stock & Barrel, where you’ll find a little bit of everything. Her name is B.L. McGrew, and she’s the author of We Are Immeasurable, a coming-of-age story about a blind girl trying to overcome the obstacles of public high school. We’ll be talking about the book, as well as her career as an indie author.
Redlin: To begin, tell us about yourself. How old were you when you started writing?
McGrew: In the third grade, I had a teacher take an interest in my writing. For fun, I was writing a story about my mother being pregnant and how excited I was to finally meet my new baby brother! My teacher would sit with me during free/play time and help me with spelling and sentence structure. She even bound it with red yarn, so it looked like a “real” book. Sadly, I didn’t get back into writing for fun until around 2009 over a decade later. I always wonder where I’d be with my writing if I’d stuck with it throughout my childhood.
Redlin: But at least you came back to writing again. Some people never return to what they were great at as children, which is sad. But you found the path again, so be proud of what you have accomplished, which has been a lot! Be proud that you have some completed manuscripts under your belt, as only 3% of the people who start writing a book ever finish one. Three percent complete a manuscript, and you were one of them. Not once, but many times. That's huge, so have no regrets! Getting back on topic, were there any famous authors who inspired you to write, whether you’ve read their books or not?
McGrew: I actually started off as a Twilight FanFiction writer back in 2009. I was thoroughly obsessed with Twilight, and when the books ended, I wanted more. When I gained a following, many of my readers would say I needed to start writing my own stuff and a year later, I did. So, I have Stephenie Meyer and the Twi fandom to thank for my writing career. Even though I don’t write in the same genre as Twilight, without it, I’m not sure I would’ve known I was capable of publishing.
Redlin: I'm very glad you listened to your readers. That's something we indie authors need to do more often. So, how did you come up with the idea for We Are Immeasurable?
McGrew: So, my favorite YA standalone of all time is The Fault in Our Stars. For years (since 2013 or so), I said I wanted to write something gripping like that. In 2016, I read All the Bright Places and Everything. Everything back to back and then my story just hit me. I knew the characters and the subject matter before I even opened my laptop. I knew exactly how it was going to begin and how it was going to end. Figuring out the in-between was the fun journey. I think We Are Immeasurable has always been in me, I just needed a little push to get it to paper.
Redlin: I must say, that as one who has read, reviewed, and truly enjoyed We Are Immeasurable, it is not a book to be missed. Along with the frequent laugh-out-loud humor, I thought it was truly unique in its premise of shedding new light on the world of those living with disabilities. Now I'm going to have to check out The Fault in Our Stars and Everything, Everything, too! But getting back to We Are Immeasurable...have you considered expanding on this topic in future books, say with a deaf protagonist or perhaps a teenager coming to terms with life in a wheelchair? There are not a lot of books out there to fill this niche.
McGrew: I love this question, honestly, I have thought about it, but I want to say, when I decided to write WAI I never once thought about it being a niche. It was a part of this character. This story's focus was freedom and first love and, as mentioned in the book, it’s almost like her blindness was secondary. I knew it was important to research and be delicate as to not offend or misrepresent, but I didn’t go into writing this book like, “I’m going to write about a blind girl because we don’t have a ton of books like that.” It was organic to this story. So, to answer your question, I don’t have any plans to write what you’ve listed, but if it happens to be a character that I envision, I will take the time to make sure I get it right or as close to right as I can without having experienced it myself.
Redlin: I see what you mean. Sometimes stories just "are." They don't always have an agenda or a role to fulfill, nor should authors be pressured into writing them into their work. Creativity isn't something that should be controlled, yet there are those who like to try. Books are no different than art in this regard. I'm curious...how many books have you written?
McGrew: I have published two, but I’ve written thirty. I am re-releasing my first book some time next year. I was a newbie and didn’t get a professional edit. I’m going to add deleted scenes and have a new cover. I’m really excited about it. Aiden is a fan favorite, so I think my Her Butterfly Diary readers are going to enjoy the added scenes.
Redlin: Holy crap! Thirty? WOW! Based on how young you look, as well as your high-level writing skills, I was going to guess maybe five or six. But thirty! Yikes. I'm going to have to get more disciplined if I'm ever going to catch up with you! Well done! Now that we've established that writing is certainly your main interest, do you have other hobbies?
McGrew: Reading! I own over 800 books. I’ve been writing so much that I haven’t been able to read a lot lately though ;(. I love listening to music as well.
Redlin: 800...now I want to go count mine just to get an idea of how many I have, because I have no idea! I just know it's a lot. Do you have a favorite book or book series, and has it been an influence on your writing? My favorite series sure has!
McGrew: I jumped the gun and answered this in the first question! Lol Twilight! I was not into reading to be honest. And ten years ago I read the series and since then, I’ve become this huge book nerd and a published author! I primarily write in first person POV and I do believe it’s because when I read twilight, I loved how we got to be in Bella’s mind. I like my readers to be in my protagonists mind as well. To feel everything my characters feel, just as deeply. That’s very important to me.
Redlin: It's amazing what finding the right book can do for a person. Sometimes I think that those who claim to hate reading have just never found the right book yet. The same thing applies to writing. When we're forced to do it for school, it can be daunting and unpleasant, but imagine doing it just for fun, and you can't believe what you were missing before! Do you have a writing schedule, or do you squeeze writing time in anywhere you can?
McGrew: I used to have a strict writing schedule, but life happened! So, now, I write whenever I have the time. My favorite time to write is when it’s dark outside. So, evenings or super early in the morning.
Redlin: "...but life happened!" I love that! Seriously, that needs to be on a T-shirt or something. Literally, you could put anything in the blank of "I was trying ____, but life happened!" Mine would likely say, "I was trying to get skinny, but life happened." And life does happen, whether you're trying to accomplish a dream or not. We try to schedule things, but it doesn't always work out. But creativity can't usually be scheduled, as it tends to happen anywhere and any time. What we can (sometimes) control is where it morphs into being. Where is your favorite place to morph stories into being, and what writing tool can you not live without?
McGrew: I have a rocking chair in the corner of my dining room. I love cozying up with a blanket and writing there. As far as writing tools, I just go straight to Microsoft Word, but I couldn’t live without my notes in my phone! I jot down the most random ideas in my notes!
Redlin: Microsoft Word is awesome, and note-taking is a valuable habit writers shouldn't be without. I never go anywhere without my portable keyboard and a notebook. Inspiration doesn't wait for planning. It hits like lightning, and we always should be ready for it. Speaking of being ready, are you a Plotter or a Pantser? For our audience members who don’t know, a Plotter is someone who outlines their entire book before starting to write, and a Pantser is someone who just writes by the seat of their pants, basically “winging it.” Then, you’ve got your hybrid, a Plantser. That’s me, I’m afraid, but what are you?
McGrew: I’m a panster to my core! I always have a vague idea of what I want, but I just open my laptop and get to typing away. I have two series I’m working on where I have to world-build, so I’ve had to plot and it’s so tough for me. I like my characters to lead the way. When I plot, I feel like I’m taking too much control. My characters are way better writers than I am! I need to just observe what they do and write it down, not tell them what to do. Lol.
Redlin: As a seasoned writer, I know exactly what you mean about letting characters take control. They even start naming themselves after a while, so watch out! They're just like children, seriously! They're as independent as the authors who create them, indie or not. For those in the audience who don’t know, an indie author is one who self-publishes their books, and traditional authors often get agents and go through a publishing company. What influenced your decision to be an indie author versus traditional?
McGrew: Total transparency, fear and impatience. The second I decided I wanted to publish, I didn’t want to wait any longer. For my first book, I didn’t even consider traditional. I wanted my book out and it needed to happen right away and that’s why it’s not a great edit. I should have done more research. With WAI, I actually contemplated traditional and with how it’s selling and being received. I sometimes wish I would’ve submitted it, but I knew what I was doing and I didn’t want to wait. I wanted to choose and create my own cover and choose my release date and tagline, etc.. I talked myself out of the query process. The benefits of being indie is that I get to call all the shots and that’s something I’ve been very fearful of losing if I go traditional. I plan on submitting traditionally for a different genre, but I truly love doing it on my own even though it’s super stressful.
Redlin: Losing all control is my biggest fear as well if I ever go traditional, so I completely understand. We indies get total control over our careers, but we also get to do all the legwork. Much of it is brutal. What do you find the most challenging about being an indie author?
McGrew: Marketing. The thin line between selling your brand versus oversaturating and annoying your followers! All my social media is pretty much peddling my brand and it can be taxing at times.
Redlin: We've talked about the biggest annoyances of being an indie author, but there are many positive things about it as well. What has been the most rewarding thing about being an indie author?
McGrew: When I get messages from readers saying what my book meant to them. Or how they relate to a certain character. I had someone message me that they were reading my book in the hospital room as she waited to see if her daughter had cancer. She said that my book gave her strength and the belief that she and her family could conquer anything and everything. It made me cry to have my words and characters resonate with her during such a scary time in her life. I had another woman who was wheelchair bound email me that WAI gave her a voice and that she related to Mazie. Connecting to readers, people I don’t even know, will always be the ultimate reward because it’s something I never expected or even considered when I started writing.
Redlin: Crap, now I need a tissue...I wish more people would mention the fact that certain books changed their lives forever. It's something way more important than just earning an income from authoring, and we need to remember that. With all the obstacles in their way, indie authors need more inspiration to write than ever before. Do you have a favorite indie author, and where can we find their books?
McGrew: I host a podcast show with Kay Blake and she has released a ton of books! I’m behind on my indie author reading, so if I have to shoutout another indie author, it would have to be my co-host! Her work can be found on Amazon.
Redlin: Is there anything you would like to say to encourage indie authors out there?
McGrew: Keep writing! Even if you think you’re writing garbage. I think we all think that about our writing at some point, haha. It’s super easy to be discouraged, but you have to keep going. It’s okay to step away and take breaks, but you have to finish. I’m about to sound really cliche, but the world needs your story and your voice!
Redlin: Very true! I don't know what the world would do without stories. Where do you hope your writing career will take you, and where do you see yourself in ten years?
McGrew: My ultimate goal is to write for television and film. I would love to produce and direct my own screenplays. And of course, what writer doesn’t want to be on The NY Times Bestsellers list?! In ten years, I hope that my main career is writing and creating. Nothing else on the side. Comfortably living and affording life as a creative.
Redlin: Well, I think you certainly have a shot at obtaining these goals! Heck, you've got a whole arsenal at your disposal, so fire away, and I know you'll get there! Last but not least, will we see you at the Indie Author Conference and Showcase this year in Cleveland, Ohio?
McGrew: As of today, I am signed up! I just have to remember to order the books for the showcase! Haha.
Redlin: Well, that’s all for today, everyone. Let's give a big hand to this amazing author for participating in this interview, and I hope you will check out McGrew’s book! Don’t forget to follow her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram to show your support, and perhaps remind her to order books for the Indie Author Showcase!
How to Write a Book Part 1: Blogging, Websites, and Writing Groups
Writing your first book can be a hell you didn't know existed, if you don't know what you are doing. I used to be that person, and it took me a good fourteen years to work out many of the kinks, problems, and common mistakes that first-time writers make when attempting to arrange words in a way that make sense, entertain bibliophiles, and are worthy of being professionally glued between two sheets of pretty cardboard and forced on unsuspecting friends and relatives. Now, I'm not saying that I no longer make grammatical errors (I'm looking at YOU, oh hyphen that I tend to use waaaaaay too much, often incorrectly), but what I am telling you is that writing your first book doesn't have to be as tough for you as it was for me. You may even get to keep most of your hair.
Writing a book doesn't have to make you feel like Linus without his blanket!
Writing a book involves more than, well, writing. Much more. In this article, I will guide you through the first three steps of writing and selling your first book, most of which don't involve actual writing! Hold onto your keyboard now, because it might start to melt---mine already is.
Step 1: START A BLOG
There's a reason I put that in all caps:
1. So you can easily spot it later for reviewing the steps quickly.
2. Because it's darn important!
Now, now----------- I know the thought of blogging can be overwhelming, as well as possess the potential to induce a migraine, but please hear me out, preferably without any distractions. For those of you who already run a blog (or a vlog in some instances), you probably already know that doing it has some real benefits. Here are some really good reasons why you, as an author, need to blog:
1. Writing practice: I don't care if you're Stephen King and write at least 2000 words per day----ALL writers, even the super-experienced ones, must hone their craft regularly to maintain and improve the quality of their writing. Think about the last time that you did something that you hadn't done in awhile. It felt awkward, right? At least until you became acclimated to it once again. Writing is the same way. Exercise your writing skills every day to stay in shape and keep writing second nature.
2. If you put out quality content, you gain followers. If people like you, they'll buy anything you have for sale, including books! Yes, I know this sounds as shallow as your toddler's kiddie pool, but it's a fact of the business world, and writing is a business. So, get out there and start interacting with the world, build that e-mail list, and grow your sales. E-mail reaches more people than almost any other medium, which is why successful bloggers recommend it.
Step 2: CREATE YOUR AUTHOR WEBSITE
Now that you've created a blog and gained a few followers, it's time to make your website. Unless, of course, your blog IS on your website, which should make this step a lot easier.
Your site should include the following:
-A short biography of you, and at least one photograph.
-Your contact info (name, e-mail, and links to your social media pages), but not your address. Yes, you must provide links, as most people are just too lazy to try to find you on their own. Make it easy for people to find you.
-Your written books, preferably with clickable images of their covers that take clickers where they can read or purchase them. If you don't have any books finished, links to online posts by you are a good start.
If you've never built a website before, there are many free online sitebuilders out there that can help, such as WIX. That's the one I used. Having never before built a website, I actually found it to be quite easy. However, once you've created a site you like, don't buy the domain name right away. Give the site a name you like (which should be your name so you will be easier to find in Google Search), see if it "fits," and if it works for you, buy the domain name and you will own it. For example, you can find me at www.andriaredlin.com
Step 3: FORM or JOIN an ONLINE WRITING GROUP
Yes, it's just one more thing to do on our path to financial success as an author, but you want to quit that day job, don't you? No one ever said that being a successful writer was going to be effortless, but you'd be amazed at what a bit of perserverance can do.
So...the writing group. Ugh. Yes, I heard your snarl of irritation from here. Believe me, I GET it. All the things we have to do these days to make it as a paid writer really suck. I really don't think Jane Austen or Laura Ingalls Wilder had this problem, but since WE do, we must deal with it. We must join writers groups and-----gasp-----interact with other writers! Shocker! I'll make this easy for you and invite you to mine:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1217739964932231/ Keep in mind that you don't just have to join one. I recommend no more than five, but it's truly up to you.
Here are some of the benefits of joining a writing group, online and otherwise:
-Feedback, feedback, feedback. Did I mention how valuable feedback is? How are you supposed to know what your skill level is as a writer if you don't let anyone see your work? Perhaps you've been wanting to write prose your whole life, but your real talent shines in poetry. Groups can help you see things like this that remain hidden to you.
-Interaction with writers in your chosen genre. If you write fantasy, there's a group out there with your name on it, especially if you happen to have created the group yourself.
-Access to opportunities you never had before. Perhaps there's going to be an author convention in your area, and the only way you would have found out about it was because of the group news.
Motivation. Groups keep you motivated to write, mostly because of the cheap but effective thing called peer pressure. If HappyWriter78 has loudly proclaimed a daily writing goal of 700 words, others tend to get competitive and try for 1000. If FantasyFred1965 announces the launch of a writing contest for your group, you have a REASON to hit that keyboard with everything you have, and I don't mean with a sledgehammer. What motivates you to write? Ask yourself this. Seriously.
And so ends Part 1 of How To Write A Book. Please do check out the next installment, where I will actually get into the mechanics of writing that thing that you want to see so badly on your bookshelf. Ta-ta til then!
How to Write a Book Part 2: the Idea, the Outline, and that First Draft!!!
Welcome back, writers, to the second installment of How to Write a Book! In this issue, I will go over what you need to get started in pumping out that first manuscript.
THE IDEA
All books begin with an idea for a story. Some of these ideas are more worthless than the leftovers in the back of your fridge. In fact, a rather high percentage of our ideas for books just don't make the cold cut. But once in a while, like the rare times you actually decide to clean that fridge, a really good one appears in your brain, like a movie played on repeat. You can't get it out of your head. You think it's fan-frickin-tastic. So does your mother. But before you start slamming that keyboard every night, you'd better do some serious brainstorming.
An idea surviving brainstorming is like passing GO the very first time. It's collected the 200 bucks to add to it's meager stash of cash, yet it can't afford to really buy anything yet. It has to go around the horn again (in this case, your brain), picking up other mini ideas as it travels. At this point, your idea should be written down, and all your mini ideas should be branching out of it. Where is the story going? Does it have a beginning, middle, and an end? Does it have a main character yet? Does the villain die an excruciating death, or does the villain triumph at the end? Does your story even have a villain?
When you're finished with your brainstorm, you should have a minimum of the following for your story:
Brainstorm Checklist
1. A beginning, middle, and end
2. The protagonist, or hero/heroine of your story. What do they hope to accomplish?
3. The villain's identity. What are they after?
4. Established location and time period------when and where does your story happen? Does it work for your characters and their situation?
5. The genre---is it a children's book, middle-grade fiction, non-fiction? Is it mystery, biography, true crime? Identify your audience!
Now is not the time to worry about details like the names of people and places. What you are trying to do at this point is the preparation for the bare bones of your story, which will be the outline. If you completed the above checklist, you are ready to visit your online writing groups and run that idea by them, preferably in a one-sentence summary. You could start the post out with, "Would you read a book about...insert your one-sentence summary here...? I am looking for honest answers. If you said no, please write the biggest reason why this idea isn't appealing to you." Be sure to put the genre in there somewhere. Keep the post simple, and others are more likely to respond. And who says you just have to ask your writing groups? There are about 3.6 gazillion reading groups out there as well in cyberspace, so take advantage of that!
When your post has been up for about a week or two, now is the time to analyze the feedback. Were many of the responses favorable? Did people ask for more information on it? If so, than you may have the makings of a good book on your hands. If you got a lot of nos, well, it's back to the drawing board. Like I said, not every idea is good, but even the bad ideas have value in the mere fact that you can learn what NOT to do. Sometimes the best way to learn how to do something is to learn how NOT to do something.
THE OUTLINE
Now that you know your idea is marketable, it's time to do some actual writing. But before you wield your writing tool of choice, you first need a plan. You wouldn't drive from Florida to California without some kind of map, would you (digital or otherwise)? Well, the outline, as boring as it sounds, serves as your 'map' for your book. You can't just start writing without knowing where your plot is headed. I hoped you saved that page of brainstormed ideas, because you're going to need it!
I suggest creating the outline on a computer, because when, not if, you need to add more information to it, you can have all the space you need for additions, revisions, and decisions. Also, use double-space so you can hand-write revisions in later if you happen to be away from the computer. I know the word 'outline' seems complicated, but don't worry about following the formats you followed in high school and college. This is YOUR project, and you won't be graded on it.
Here is a sample of a first outline draft for fiction:
My Book Title
I. Chapter One Title, or just "Chapter One."
A. Chapter Beginning-what do you hope will happen in this chapter?
1. Main Character attempts to accomplish a task.
2. Details
B. Middle-Conflict leading up to chapter climax.
1. Main Character encounters resistance by something, whether by villain, circumstances, or weather, etc.
2. Details
C. Chapter Climax
1. Main Character faces and deals with the resistance.
2. Details
D. Chapter aftermath and Ending.
2. Main Character, having solved his/her problem, is ready to move on to Chapter 2.
II. Chapter Two Title, or just "Chapter Two." (REPEAT AS FOR CHAPTER ONE)
And here is a sample of a first outline draft for non-fiction, such as a self-help book:
I. Chapter One-The Problem
A. Chapter Beginning, Middle, End
II. Chapter Two-The Solution, and How I Discovered It.
A. Chapter Beginning, Middle, End
III. Chapter Three-The Beginning of my Journey
A. Chapter Beginning, Middle, End
IV. Chapter Four-How to Use this Book.
A. Chapter Beginning, Middle, End
Obviously, a fiction book is going to be slightly more complex in structure than a non-fiction book because of all the tiny details such as character backstories, places, etc., but essentially, the process for each remains the same. The goal is to create a map for you to follow, a guide that you can write your manuscript from directly. Feel free to make these outlines as detailed as you want. The more detail you put in, the better you will get a feel for that world inside your head that is scratching at the inside of your skull, begging to come out. Speaking of things coming out, PRINT OUT YOUR OUTLINE AND PUT IT IN A SAFE PLACE! Alternatively, you can email a copy of it to yourself and keep it handy on your smartphone, but I find it easier and less battery-draining to have an actual copy I can touch, scratch things out on, and chicken-scratch new ideas in.
THE DREADED FIRST DRAFT
At last, we have arrived at the dock. Now it's time to put your foot on that gangplank, outline in hand, and begin penning that first draft. Keep your outline with you at ALL times when you are writing the draft. You'll be referring back to it more than you did with the instructions to that home gym, a piece of equipment that is probably still in six pieces on your basement floor.
Okay, so your laptop is up and running, a nice hot cup of coffee is near, and your outline is at hand. Now what? Create a save file for your book, one that you will keep all your chapters in, using the title of your book for the file name. It is much easier to keep all chapters in the same file, trust me. I tried it both ways, and opening a million files was never fun. Next, look at your outline and read the notes you put there regarding the first chapter. Everything you need to get started should be there. All you have to do now is expand the information.
Each chapter should start with a "hook" that will get the reader to glance beyond the first sentence. The hook should be making the reader ask, "But what happens next?" Here are three examples of good hooks:
From "Albert Perkins and the Lost City," by Lazarus Gray:
"It had been a long time since Albert 'Dr. Rocky' Perkins had seen the sky turn such an unusual array of colours, and certainly never in this locale." Immediately, you start to wonder, what's going to happen? A natural disaster? A hurricane? And will Albert Perkins live through it? Trust me, this is a great read, which you can find by clicking this link:
https://www.amazon.com/Albert-Perkins-Lost-Bootes-Chronicles-ebook/dp/B01M1O4R00/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1528045086&sr=1-1&keywords=albert+perkins+and+the+lost+city
From "The Sinner," by Amanda Stevens
"The caged grave was an anomaly in Beaufort county. In all my cemetery travels, I'd come across only a handful of mortsafes, all of them in Europe. They were a Scottish invention, cleverly devised and manufactured in the early nineteenth century as a means of thwarting the nefarious grave robbers who dug up fresh human remains for profit." In this example, the hook could be the first sentence, or the first paragraph. In this case, it's both, and it not only serves to give the reader fascinating tidbits about graveyard history, it also makes them read more to see if the book contains more interesting facts. This book and the next are on my "to read" list.
From "Doll House," by Sam Campbell
"It rained the day of my mother's funeral." Short and sweet, yet so effective at pulling you in.
Once you have your hook, you can actually begin writing! Crazy, right? At this point, just let the outline guide you, and be sure that your chapter has the following:
Chapter Checklist
1. Chapter "hook" that pulls readers in.
2. Beginning, middle, end.
3. Conflict of some sort, followed by resolution.
4. End of chapter cliffhanger, making readers crave the next chapter
Every chapter should follow these basic guidelines. In the same way, your entire manuscript as a whole needs to follow them too, on a much larger scale. Chapters are like mini books of their own, each one leading up to the next and the next, until you have a whole book. It's kind of like an episode in your favorite television series. Each episode tells a little bit more of the story, until the entire story is told. What will your story tell?
How to Write a Book Part 3: the Wait, the Marketing, and Revising that First Draft
Alrighty...if you've made it to the stage where you've finished that very first draft of your book, the first thing you should do is celebrate. After all, many people start writing books, but few finish them. Take a guess...how many get to write "THE END?" A (beyond) pathetic 3 percent. That's it, folks. For those of you not so great at mathematics, for every 100 writers who begin writing a book, only three of them will stick it out to the end. That's more sad than the face your puppy makes when you tell him you're all out of bacon.
Even if you haven't managed to get this far in the writing process, you don't want to be in that 97% who dreamed, planned, and actually wrote something...only to never get it finished. I've known a number of authors with this problem. Their work is fantastic, like, good enough for me to be jealous even. And yet...they haven't finished the manuscript that they sweated and swore over and threw across the room for half a decade. They bled for their work, which will remain unseen forever unless they re-commit themselves to their craft. Don't be like these authors.
THE WAIT
And now...the moment you've been waiting for: just kidding. Unless you're waiting for Publisher's Clearing House to knock at your front door with that multi-million dollar check and a camera crew, there isn't a whole lot in life that's worth waiting for. Fortunately, waiting for your book to marinate is one of them. Yes, I said marinate. That's the term I use to describe that time period in which your book is in hibernation. Basically, it's saved to a file and put away where no eyes, not even yours, can look at it for three months.
Three months?! What are you supposed to be doing in that time? Well, resting on your laurels is not an option. Your book needs time to rest before it gets another dose of your brain.
Reasons Your Book Needs the Time to Marinate
1. Your brain needs a break from the mental hell you just put it through. Writing a book is an exhilarating boxing match for the human brain, draining and energizing in equal measure. It was fun. It was tough. It nearly made you swear off writing forever and do crocheting as your hobby. But you survived, and now you need a break. Your mind will be in a much better rested state for the grueling task of editing if you've had time to let the dust settle.
2. This is a good time to brush up on your marketing skills and habits...you know...all those things you didn't do because you were so busy finishing that first draft. Think about how you can balance marketing time and writing time, because you will need to make room for both of these eventually.
3. By the end of Marination Mode, you will have had time to "forget" a lot of what you wrote. Everyone knows that fresh eyes make the best editors (unless you really suck at grammar------then you're doomed), so the more fresh your work looks to you, the more the mistakes will stand out.
THE MARKETING----SOME QUICK TIPS
1. Pad your email list. Invite people to subscribe to your website.
2. Write high-quality articles to not only keep your pen in shape, but to attract email subscribers. Don't forget easy-to-find links, because people want everything at their fingertips these days, even online.
3. Update your website. Fix any outdated information, add new pages, photos, and videos. Keep it looking new and fresh to your current subscribers.
4. Make time for social media. Tweet on Twitter. Show your face on Facebook. Instigate on Instagram. If your cat has a blog, make her do a few posts. By the way, my cat does have a blog, which you can follow here if you feel the inclination:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/198856420752058/
See how I posted that link right here for your convenience? And for heaven's sake, get back in the loop with your writing groups. Now that you've actually finished writing a book, you might be able to inspire your fellow authors to do the same by announcing the completion of your first draft!
There are countless marketing tips out there that I haven't even mentioned. Since it's all too easy to get overwhelmed, it's sometimes best to start with the basics I've provided. After all, I used to be just as clueless about marketing as my mother-in-law was about family boundaries, but we are all teachable. I've certainly learned a lot on my own, and I'm happy to share it with you. One of the most important things I've learned about marketing is: Sell yourself, not your work. Yes, I know that sounds counter-productive (not to mention a bit provocative), but what that means in laymen's terms is: If people like you, they will buy anything you have for sale, sometimes whether or not it is something they will actually use. You will get much farther by making yourself into a likeable, approachable internet personality, versus the annoying author that keeps Tweeting, "Buy my book! Buy my book!" That author is more likely to get their book shoved down their throat. Now, I'm not saying you should never promote your work. What I am saying is that you should not become a spammer.
Now it's time to get down to the nitty-gritty: producing the second draft.
TURNING DRAFT 1 INTO DRAFT 2
This is the part where I'd ordinarily say, "Cue the Jaws theme music," but I'm sure you have your own musical version of what Hell sounds like. I'll guide you through the steps on how to get that horrible first draft transformed into something people will actually want to read. I'm not kidding----first drafts are always crap------I'm going to be honest with your right here and now. I don't care who you are or how many books you've written. The first draft will always be a big pile of brain vomit that will be in great need of organization, grammar fixes, and some plot tweaking (and in some cases, overhauling). But when all that is done, you'll end up with something rather beautiful, and getting there isn't so hard when you have a plan. Fortunately for you, I DO have a plan. Follow my steps below, and you'll be finishing that second draft before the next bad Star Wars movie installment can be fed to the public to milk them for more cash.
THE SECOND DRAFT IN 10 STEPS
1. Ensure that three months have passed since you even looked at your book. If they haven't, get your butt back to marketing! Not your actual butt.
2. Print out your manuscript. It's tempting to edit on a computer screen, but DON'T. You're not ready for that step yet. Stay with me now. You can do this. Just breathe.
3. Place Chapter 1 into a folder or binder with some blank notebook paper and a few pens. You now have everything you need to keep the pages organized, scribble some notes, make additions, etc. The reasoning behind this chapter segregation method is to break up the revising process into small chunks that become small goals. Little goals are easier to complete than big goals, as we all know. You are much more likely to want to edit a pile of 10-20 pages than the entire manuscript in one go. They are also much lighter to carry.
4. Read Chapter 1 all the way through, without fixing mistakes, editing, or making additions. This will give you an idea of how it flows, as well not interrupt your reading process. Pretend that you are a reader, not the author. Are you enjoying what you're reading?
5. On another day, re-read Chapter 1. This time, wield that pen and use it to indicate anything that needs to be changed, questioned, eliminated, researched, revised, or added. If you need to add an entire paragraph between two others, write the new paragraph on the notebook paper and indicate the page number it needs to go on, as well as what paragraph it comes after.
6. Chapter Checklist:
-does the chapter have its "hook" at the beginning?
-does it have a beginning, middle, climax, and ending?
-do scenes transition smoothly?
-does the dialogue sound natural, or forced?
-eliminate unnecessary characters, scenes, dialogue, or anything else that dams the flow of the events.
-are all grammatical errors fixed, or at least noted for further fact-checking/research?
7. Go into your computer file for Chapter 1 and implement all the changes you've made. Don't forget to save it in a new file with the words "draft 2" in there somewhere for clarity between file names. Throw away the mangled physical copy of Chapter 1, as you no longer need it. Print out the second draft of the no-longer-crap first chapter and keep it in your binder to use as reference, or your 'canon,' so to speak, making sure that it's clearly labelled as the second draft.
8. Pat yourself on the back for cleaning up an entire chapter! Now that you're familiar with the method, you can tackle Chapter 2 with confidence.
9. Repeat the above process for the remaining chapters of your book.
10. CELEBRATE!!! YOU HAVE COMPLETED DRAFT 2!!!
Some Useful Tips to Keep You From Losing Your Mind While Editing
-Try to set the goal of editing two chapters per month, and BE CONSISTENT. Even better-----one chapter per week. You want to keep the information fresh in your mind so you won't have to keep flipping through endless pages trying to remember what you edited six months ago.
-Realize that this WILL get easier the more often you do it. I ought to know-----I've been writing for 22 years.
-Don't be hard on yourself. You wrote a frickin' BOOK, for cryin' out loud. Do you know just how huge an accomplishment that is?!!!! Some people can't even commit to writing a one-page letter. You, on the other hand, just emptied an enormous chunk of your mind onto your computer screen.
-Even editing a few sentences a day with your morning coffee will add up to entire chapters over time. Don't believe me? How else do you think I found the time to edit my books and all these blog posts? I have a life just like everyone else. I work 40 hours a week, have a family, and plenty of other keen interests besides the marvels of pen and paper.
I realize that all writers have different ways of producing their creative work. My guidelines are simply ideas to help you get started and achieve your current writing goals. While I hope you will gain a lot of insight from my articles, it's even more important that you develop your own skills and ideas for creative writing.
We all have to use the methods that work best for us as individuals. What works for me may not work for you, and that's perfectly fine. I'm sure that many of you have incredible shortcuts and tips that I haven't thought of. I'd really like to hear about them in the comments, and I'm certain that other writers would like to read them too. Please feel free to share this article with other authors you know—it could be the one thing keeping them from finishing that book!
On a final note...
If you have questions, I will answer them. I am here to help you, because I was in your place once, and it was a tougher road than a winding hill during a blizzard with bald tires. Some days, I made myself put in the extra effort and traversed a few miles. Other days, it was just a few feet. But I kept going down the path, and I eventually got somewhere. So will you.
How to Write a Book Part 4: Beta Readers and the Third Draft
Well, you've cleared the first few hurdles of producing a finished book, but now it's time to really dig in and stay strong until the end.
I warned you, didn't I?
If you're new to my book-writing series, welcome, and please check out previous installments. If you've survived the book-creation process up to now, you deserve a high-five, and perhaps a shot o' whiskey. Make that the whole bottle even, because you just conquered a form of hell on earth.
Finishing the writing of a book can feel like inheriting a million dollars, but is your manuscript truly ready to be set loose on the unsuspecting public?
Probably not.
This is where the beta reader comes in. I like to think of them as a firing squad aimed right at your book. You never know which one of them is shooting blanks, and which ones have genuine bullets that seek and destroy. The ones with the real bullets can be deadly.
Let's talk about the Blanky Crew. These guys are your friends. They love your book, yet will tell you what you need to do to make them love it even more. What's more, they won't make you cry. Perhaps your book has a great plot, but the characters are a bit flat. Or maybe you've created characters that are real enough to strangle you from the pages they're birthed from, yet the world they inhabit has less color than Dorothy's Kansas. In other words, you just need to do some tweaking and squeaking to turn that book into something awesome. You're on the Yellow Brick Road, and that's good.
What's not good is the feedback you'll be getting from the Bullet Brigade. Populated by barbs, wit, and the occasional troll, these people will tear your book to shreds like lions feasting at a kill. You might as well cut out your own heart and serve it up steaming hot on your grandmother's heirloom china, because they're just gonna rip it out of your chest anyway. This is where writers need to dig through the closet to don that thick skin that is buried in there somewhere under the cracker crumbs and moldy science experiments that are starting to grow hair.
Ferocious as the Bullet Brigade may be, some of their feedback has merit. It's up to you to separate the crap from the constructive.
The Crap
Usually written by trolls, these comments are most recognizable by the fact that they will tell you that your book sucks, but they do not tell you why your book sucks. They are just throwing garbage at the ceiling fan only for the fun of watching where it flies before the flies that actually fly arrive. (Kudos to you if you worked that one out.) These idiots make it their mission to get their degree as Certified Annoyers of People, or CAPS. These CAPS need to roll under the couch and stay there.
The Constructive
This is very similar to crap, but what distinguishes the constructive feedback from the crap is the Constructoids' ability to explain WHY your book is crap.
As dismal as it sounds to hear your book described as something on par with cow manure, there is one good thing you should remember: crap is useful. Yes, you heard me. It's dead useful, for the following reasons.
Why Crap is Useful (at least in writing)
1. Writing crap can help you get all the beginner kinks out of your system. Like rinsing out a dusty wine glass before it gets filled with Apothic Inferno, it's smart to flush the bad stuff out so that good stuff can go in. You wouldn't want to drink coffee before removing the grinds, right? But the grinds are what creates coffee in the first place. Use, then lose.
2. It serves as a teaching tool. When you learn to recognize the mistakes you're making in writing (such as my horrible overuse of the hyphen------just call me The Hyphenator), you'll eventually learn to stop making them. You won't forget these mistakes if beta readers keep pointing them out, either, so consider this an advantage.
3. Crap makes the best fertilizer. Sprinkled here and there, you never know what can grow from it. You might have flat characters (crap), but if you have a great plot, the characters can be overhauled until the whole story blooms.
How to Find Beta Readers
1. Remember those writing groups on social media I told you to join? You now have thousands of people at your disposal to ask for their feedback on your book. There are even groups that make beta reading their main focus. Seek ye them out!
2. Don't ask your friends and family to beta read for you. They will not tell you the truth. They will tell you your book is good, even if it's crap. Though crap has its uses, it won't help you here.
3. Seek out book reviewers on their websites, but be sure to read their criteria for reviewing books. They have their preferences like anyone else, and will not appreciate being bullied into reading a genre that they hate. Besides, why would you want someone who hates your genre to read your book? They wouldn't do it justice. They also would likely have little experience reading other books in that genre, resulting in the fact that they would have very few books like that to compare it to.
The Third Draft and the Pretty Packaging
Now that you've received plenty of feedback, what you want to do next is to set your manuscript aside for a month or two while you work on your next project. When the month is up, pull out the manuscript and edit it once more, getting rid of the stuff beta readers hated, and perhaps vamping up what they loved. Run a spell check. For the love of God, why don't they have a hyphen check for The Hyphenator? Next, you ought to have it professionally edited and formatted if you can afford it. If you can't afford it, now you have something to save up for that actually pays off in the end. No book is ever perfectly without error, but you can at least make sure you did your very best, because a badly edited book just looks like you didn't care enough, like you just slap-banged something together and said "Buy it!"
Speaking of looking like you actually cared about the production of your book, now it's time to start shopping for cover art designers. Writers may know how to create entire worlds with nothing but a pen in their hands, but when it comes to designing book covers, they're often clueless as to what belongs on their book cover. You need someone who knows what cover elements indicate certain genres. Here are some examples of what you'll likely see on book covers of the following categories:
Romance: a scantily-dressed couple in a heavy makeout session.
Fantasy: Swords, mythical creatures, male or female warriors.
Science Fiction: Aliens, space ships, cyborgs, oh my!
Memoirs, biographies, and autobiographies: Large photo of the person being written about dominating the front cover.
Historical fiction: image of the main character in a dramatic pose, gazing off into the horizon.
Humor and Satire: Plain background with a single floating image, like mine.
I could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea. If you need some more inspiration, visit a book store and spend some time looking at the covers in your genre. That's what I did. It didn't cost me anything (unless you count the hefty sum I spent on other books like the deluxe hardcover version of The Princess Bride). Really, I need to stay out of the book stores.
How do you choose a cover designer? Begin by researching people who actually have experience designing book covers, ones with track records you can view on their websites. Just because someone is a fantastic artist, it doesn't mean that they have a flair for design. You want your book to sell, so the cover must be made attractive enough to get someone's attention, yet provide an indication of the genre and age group. I'll probably do another post on this topic alone, so stay tuned.
It's an unsurprising fact that pretty books sell. I admit it----I have bought books just because the covers were stunning pieces of artwork. When you're hunting for a designer, their work must be such that the covers they created practically yank your hand to that BUY NOW button. If you find the covers compelling enough to purchase books you will probably never read in this or the next lifetime, you've probably found your designer. Next, you might want to look at the books where they're sold online and see how many reviews they have. Lots of reviews means lots of sales, which probably were in part due to having pretty packaging.
How to Write a Book, Part 5: Choosing Your Publishing Route
You’ve finally finished that
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Now that your book is complete (well, at least that’s what I’m assuming---if not, please see my previous articles for help in getting there), the next step, after celebrating the fact that you’re now in the 3% of people who have started and finished writing a book, is to decide whether you want to be traditionally published, or self-published. There’s also this other kind of hybrid publishing called “hybrid publishing” of all things, but that’s a post for another time.
Both types of publishing venues have their share of strengths and weaknesses. Knowing these can help you to decide which route is right for you. As for me, I prefer self-publishing primarily for the fact that I’m a control-freak and self-publishing allows me to, well, control every aspect of creating a book from start to finish. It also means I have to work my butt off a lot harder than those who traditionally publish, but read on and you’ll know why self-publishing is for me.
Traditional Advantages:
-You might get an advance on your royalties. Royalties are your book earnings, for those of you unfamiliar with the term. They say you learn something new every day, right? An advance isn’t part of your paycheck so much as it’s a sort of loan. Your first book sales pay the publisher back for it, and only after this is done will you start to earn your actual money. Don’t expect advances to be huge, especially if this is your first publication. Publishers only invest the big bucks on their cash cows, and right now, you’re just an unborn calf.
-Some of your book marketing is done for you. Emphasis on some. You will still have to do a lot of it throughout your writing career, but at least some of it is taken care of for you in this case.
-You get to see your book in brick-and-mortar stores as well as online, which is rather thrilling. For me, this is the only real advantage of being traditionally published. Indie authors can get into book stores too, if (a really BIG 'if') they can prove that their book sells well. That too, is a post for another time. Why do I get the feeling that I’m going to be saying that a lot in this article?
-The formatting, editing and cover design is all done for you. These things can be a real pain in the ass if you choose to do them yourself, but no one ever said they write books for the money, right? Well, maybe those so-called “authors” who make a living off of what they pay ghostwriters.
Traditional Drawbacks:
-If your book doesn’t sell, you may have to give back part (or even all) of the advance you were paid. Also, the publisher will be more reluctant to publish more of your work.
-You still will be responsible for a large part of the marketing. Most publishers blow the majority of their marketing budget on their big-name authors. You know. The cows. Basically, any author you’ve heard of is who I’m talking about.
-Your writing, once signed over to a publisher, will basically be under the whims of that publisher. This means that you will have very little, if any creative control about the cover design, and they may also change some of the content because they think that is what readers want. You need to ask yourself if you’re okay with relinquishing so much control over your “baby” that you’ve likely spent years creating. I am not one who can give up that kind of control, especially since many of my books are part of a series or two, and any small change could start a ripple effect that could be disastrous for the books that haven't been written yet, once they materialize of course.
-Though your book has more exposure, your royalties will be lower. Nothing quite like getting ten to fifteen percent of the cover price for every book you sell, right? So, if your book costs $15, you'll only be making anywhere from $1.50-$2.00 per copy sold. Considering the fact that it probably took you years to write it, this is a pretty crappy return on your invested time. This is one reason the most successful authors in the business have ten books or more in print. If you’re not in this for the long haul, it’s going to be a lot more difficult to make this your full-time job some day, so you really need to think about what’s important to you.
-The long wait time; it takes anywhere from one to two years for a book to go from publisher acceptance to a store shelf, because it has to go through editing, formatting, cover design, and marketing.
-This is the disadvantage I hate most: books go out of print if they don't sell well. To me, it's like taking the only copy of your book and chucking it right into a volcano with the words, "Well, we tried."
Self-publishing Advantages
-No barriers. No agents to query, no months of waiting for them to possibly never respond back. The gates are wide open. This means that anyone can be published, from a five-year-old with no writing experience, to your neighbor’s cousin’s sister’s daughter-in-law that never read a book a day in their life, yet thinks she can now call herself an author after producing a single ebook that has never seen the benefits of editing, or even a second draft for that matter. Probably hasn’t seen Spell Check either. This is why the indie book market is primarily filled with bad books that no publisher would ever touch. Thank God for Amazon reviews, because that's the only way to separate the wheat from the chaff.
-Speed. You can write "The End" to your book today, and have a physical copy in your hands in as little as a week, even sooner if you choose to fork over one-day shipping fees (which I don’t advise). However, a book needs at least two or three rounds of editing, followed by beta reading to make it in any way marketable. All these things are absolutely necessary before deciding that your manuscript is ready for publication. Heck, I’ve become so meticulous with everything I write that even my blog posts get edited several times before making them live.
-Control. You are in charge of the entire empire here. Consider yourself a one-person publishing house, because not only do you control the content, marketing, and cover design of your book, but you get to do it all too. Don’t worry; it’s still not too late to become a dentist.
Self-publishing Drawbacks
-No advance on your earnings, and you will be the one to fork over the cash needed to get your book printed. This can range anywhere from twenty-dollar single copies, to publishing “packages” that can cost upwards of ten thousand dollars. I recommend you stay away from the higher-priced ones. Stick with the ones that only charge you for the copies you buy, that don’t require a minimum purchase amount.
-Unless your book turns out to be a great seller, your indie book, by default, has no shot at getting sold in bookstores. Book chains only want to stock merchandise that will make them money. Understandable. Never forget that authoring is a business.
-Marketing, marketing, marketing. Get ready to build a website, start a Youtube channel, write a blog, or go nuts with social media...any way you can possibly earn followers that doesn’t involve bribery. Hopefully, these followers will subscribe to your email newsletter, which is one of the best proven ways to sell anything. If you have a degree in business management, this will help you out in this department. Forget taking creative writing in college...take marketing instead! If only I’d known that would one day become the future of the publishing industry, I would have taken a lot less art classes.
Stay tuned for Part 6, which will cover query letters and agents!
The following is miscellaneous data from my website that I wanted to save.
Welcome to Holly Hollow, a little town with big secrets, where the line between the living and the dead is always wavering.
Are you brave enough?
Click to learn more!
Picture a remote town in the mountains with a small population and a large amount of supernatural activity, and you get Holly Hollow, a place steeped in hundreds of years of American history. This is a place where the dead occasionally make themselves known to the living, residing in the ancient graveyard on the mountain slope above the town. But it is not only the dead who haunt this region that is so closely tied to the next world. Others with access to both worlds will try to move the pieces of the chess board as well, and change the lives of the residents of Holly Hollow forever with their refusal to leave things as they are. Would you live here?
from the mind of author Andria Redlin
Indie Book Review Policies
Please read these guidelines carefully before contacting me, and click here to check out my past reviews:
I only review self-published books. Let's face it: the big-time famous authors don't need my help to get sales, but indie authors who don't have access to a huge marketing budget do. Authors helping authors. That's what I'm here for. For more information about me and my books, please click here.
I do two types of reviews: written and video, though I'm beginning to lean more toward video. If you don't see your genre on the list of books I like, please contact me and make an inquiry on the contact form:
If I'm interested, I will contact you.
Your book will be given a thorough reading and an honest review. If I don't like your book, I will write to you and tell you what's wrong with it to help you fix it. Don't worry; I won't bite your head off. If at some point you write a new draft and wish me to review it again, let me know. For help with writing, please click here.
If I DO like your book, it will get a video review that will be posted here on my site and social media accounts, sent to my email subscribers, and of course featured on my Youtube channel.
Top of Form
Bottom of Form
Genres I do NOT read, which are subject to change:
-Erotica
-Romance
-Science Fiction
-Adult Fantasy
-Picture Books
-Self Help
-Travel
-Health
-Religion, Spirituality, or New Age
-Science
-Political
-LGBT
-Anything with zombies or vampires, but I like ghosts.
Genres that I MIGHT read upon inquiry, which are subject to change:
-Mystery
-Horror
-Historical Fiction
-Comic Books
-Poetry
-Memoir, Biography, or Autobiography
-Various Non-fiction
Genres that I DO read:
-Various Middle School/YA fiction
-Art/Craft how-to books
-History
-Journals
-Satire
-True Crime
-Coffee Table Books
-Ghost Stories
-Coming-of-age
-Animals
-Cookbooks
The Characters of For Her Courage
Samantha O'Callahan is a rather unusual 14-year old girl growing up just after the turn of the century. Highly creative and talented, she wonders if her gifts will go to waste if she follows the rules of society and ignores her dreams of following in her grandfather's footsteps as a master toymaker. She will have to rely on her inner strength to face the challenges ahead of her as tragedy strikes hard at the center of her family.
Belinda Jane O'Callahan is rather a mystery to the townsfolk of Holly Hollow in that her origins are completely unknown. Distrusted by them at first, she soon won them over by her rare ability to solve the disputes of those around her. She has a very close relationship with her granddaughter Samantha.
Callidus O'Callahan is a famous toy maker who trains Samantha in secret, as his sons have no interest or skill in the craft. He and his wife Belinda Jane have had a long and happy marriage together, but nothing can prepare him for the sour turn their life is about to take.
The Characters of The Ruffian Redeemer
Alfred Owens is a the troubled teen leader of a small group of boys that does little else than cause trouble for the town of Holly Hollow during the early years of The Great Depression. He was once a good person, but that young man has become overshadowed by his will to survive in a world that caused his younger brother's death due to poverty.
Frank and Fanny Owens are alfred's parents, and they have almost completely given up on their son. They wish he would just be the good kid they used to know, but now that he's an adult, there is little they can do to mold him.
Lawrence Layton is Alfred' best friend, and one of the few people of his acquaintance that can Keep Alfred from going too far in his illegal exploits. It's due to Lawrence's guidance that has probably kept the group out of prison for many years, but it's only a matter of time before things get out of control.
Barnes Billings is the bully of the gang of six boys, and he's also the dumbest. He constantly picks on Stephen Hastings, their youngest member, and only takes orders from his brother Wally if he's not taking them from Alfred.
Wally Billings is one of the few who can control the behavior of his erratic and foolish brother Barnes, but Barnes has a strong will of his own, which, when manifested, will change the course of their lives permanently.
Craig Ferguson is in the group mainly because he has little else to do in a small town that has few jobs available. He dreams of working for the local newspaper, The Holly Hollow Herald.
Stephen Hastings is 12 years old, and is the punching bag of Barnes when Alfred is not there to protect him. He has a bit of a timid personality, but a person can only be pushed so far before they discover they have a backbone and push back...
Sophia Hastings, Stephen's 10-year old sister, is anything but a pushover, but she has a good heart. She and her brother have a good relationship, mainly because she is one of the few people besides Alfred who listens to him.
My name is Alfred Owens, and I will do anything it takes to protect the ones I love, even if it means breaking the law...
In the midst of the Great Depression, a young convict will come face-to-face with the monster within him. Literally. Will he survive the encounter?
Meet the Characters here:
Sometimes, we must die to be reborn.
Meet the gang!
Get your copy of The Ruffian Redeemer here:
For Her Courage
Get the ebook!
Get it in hardcover!
Get it in paperback!
Introduction:
The first book to be written in the Holly Hollow series, For Her Courage is a coming-of-age story with many real-life themes in a make-believe setting. It is not only about learning to follow your passion without forgetting to help those in need along the way, but it also deals with loss and grief. We also learn that sometimes, all it takes is a single unselfish act to change someone's life forever.
Plot Summary:
All 14-year old Samantha O'Callahan wants to do is become a master toy maker like her grandfather. In 1909, a time when girls aren't allowed to chase their dreams, she must learn the craft of a toy maker in secret. But then a day comes in which Samantha's skills are put to the test in a matter of life and death. Will she find the courage to do what needs to be done? Will her wish be fulfilled? Find out in this exciting story about self-sacrifice and triumph over tragedy.
The Books
Each book in the series takes place in a different era of American history. For Her Courage begins in 1909, and The Ruffian Redeemer in 1932, but the books can be read in any order. Plans for at least two more books are in the works.
The Town
Holly Hollow is a small American town that dates back to the 1500's, according to Andria's imagination. Founded by a lonely young man whose origins are unknown, it began as a single homestead, growing in population and buildings throughout the past five hundred years. It rests in a remote valley surrounded by mountains, rivers, caves, and green forests.
The Graveyard
Said to be the source of all the paranormal activity reported over the centuries, the Holly Hollow Graveyard is home to many spirits who travel between the realms of the living and the dead as easily as going to the next room of a home. Why the graveyard is so rife with paranormal visitation is unknown, but many of the locals don't mind, especially since the place is high up on a hill a respectable distance away.
These are all the blog posts saved from my old website from when I was writing. Everything you could possibly want to know about my writing style, sense of humor, and personality can be found here.